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Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,067,341 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
Here's the thing, neutrino- there's no official rule book for this "dating thing". What works for me might very well not work for you (or anyone else in the world, for that matter).
While I have no doubt that your way can and does work for some people, it is not "the way", or even, objectively speaking, a "better way".
Well, I agree.
But most of you guys who practice Backwards Dating are having problems like "I don't know if I have known him long enough to have sex". If that's the case, why are you dating him? You should still be platonic friends at that point.
So if you're on a DATE, that should mean you already know (1) I am sexually attracted and (2) I have some degree of romantic feelings and (3) I feel comfortable spending time with them (I am not threatened).
So if someone you're sexually attracted to says you are sexy, that should not make you feel threatened. If it would make you feel that way, it makes no sense to be on a date with them.
Again the main problem is that they went on a date with someone they did not already know. I just don't comprehend doing it that way. Not that my way has ever worked for me, but the thought of doing it the other way just makes me uncomfortable.
Anyway, people tell people they've never met "you're sexy" all the time. Like in bars and nightclubs, for example. At least this happened after a "date".
It's not a "problem" at all. They had coffee. Big whoop. I suspect it was a first meeting from OLD...don't remember if OP stated that but it sounds as if that was the case. People do this ALL the time....it's NORMAL. You might not be comfortable with it. But frankly, you're probably in the minority.
Obviously 2 people that have dated a few times, that sort of comment would be far more appropriate. THAT is the issue - making such a comment prematurely.
And yeah, guys in bars might say it....but those are the guys we roll our eyes at and walk away from.
Well see, if the original poster had waited until she was attracted to someone, then dated him, she wouldn't be all uncomfortable with him saying she's sexy, since she would think he is sexy as well. lol.
Not so well, lol. But the thought of doing it the other way just makes me feel uncomfortable. Meeting new people and forming friendships is hard for me (I'm shy), so trying to do it that way...it just couldn't work for me.
But yeah I think the OP's main problem is that she's doing this backwards dating thing. If she dated people she already knew, she would already know she had feelings for the guy and would not be offended by being called sexy.
In fairness whether it's a first date, banter, city data etc I always say sexy as a compliment and I'm sure the bloke in question is the same. I think the OP is a little too highly strung to be dating anyway if she's freaking out about that mate . If the bloke called her gorgeous or beautiful instead would she have started this thread?
I understand that when you're dating you should be comfortable with the other person obviously but sometimes it's better to step out of your comfort zone and go for it!. Especially if you've had sod all luck doing it a certain way.
This backwards dating won't work for all please understand that mate , however yes if the OP is a bit paranoid after been let down or used then it may well be her best option.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,067,341 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Obviously 2 people that have dated a few times, that sort of comment would be far more appropriate. THAT is the issue - making such a comment prematurely.
Wouldn't be premature if she got to know the guy as a friend first and then asked him out on a date once they knew each other.
Plus, again, if it is acceptable to say "hey, sexy" in a nightclub, to someone you've never met, it should be more acceptable, not less, to say it after an actual date.
Wouldn't be premature if she got to know the guy as a friend first and then asked him out on a date once they knew each other.
Plus, again, if it is acceptable to say "hey, sexy" in a nightclub, to someone you've never met, it should be more acceptable, not less, to say it after an actual date.
You are not grasping my point. And you are exhausting. I give up.
Quit over thinking stuff. The only way you tell how what a person is like, is to spend time with them.
Honestly, I think ALL guys are after sex. It may not be the only thing, but it's definitely there. It's their hormones, and it's not going to change. There is nothing wrong with that.
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Quit over thinking stuff. The only way you tell how what a person is like, is to spend time with them.
Honestly, I think ALL guys are after sex. It may not be the only thing, but it's definitely there. It's their hormones, and it's not going to change. There is nothing wrong with that.
Quit over thinking stuff. The only way you tell how what a person is like, is to spend time with them.
Honestly, I think ALL guys are after sex. It may not be the only thing, but it's definitely there. It's their hormones, and it's not going to change. There is nothing wrong with that.
Ugh. I do agree they are all after sex. I do have a problem with that, as for me personally, I want to only have sex once we are in a very, very committed relationship. And as someone else said, when you tell any guy that, 99% of them will jet.
I would not be "creeped out" to simply get complemented on my looks. But saying "you're sexy", after just meeting me for the first time? Definitely would make me a little leery.
This. Some women don't view it as a compliment on their looks. It comes across as more of a compliment on certain body parts. It's more like a drool rather than a compliment.
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They had coffee. Big whoop. I suspect it was a first meeting from OLD...don't remember if OP stated that but it sounds as if that was the case. People do this ALL the time....it's NORMAL. You might not be comfortable with it. But frankly, you're probably in the minority.
. If the bloke called her gorgeous or beautiful instead would she have started this thread? 
