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Let's apply the same mentality we do when women complain about men not doing household chores and say...she is just being a lazy leech who needs to be kicked to the curve ...aaaaanyways, yes, depression can be a reason or not.
I asked if she was like that wen he married her, if she was then she isn't going to change.
If it is something new, then there might be another cause for her actions.
I would say the same thing about a man doing the same thing in a marriage.
Why does the house look like it's been hit by a bomb?
That's what I was wondering. I suspect the OP throws his clothes around, and expects his surrogate mom to pick up after him. Also curious as to who does the dishes after dinner, or if they both throw them in the sink and let them pile up and grow mold.
Who does the cooking? A fair rule is that whoever does the cooking, the other person does the dishes. If someone goes to the store and brings home prepared foods, there's hardly any dishes to do, anyway.
If you do the little things as they come up, then there shouldn't be anything to do during the day, besides basic maintenance-type stuff: vacuuming & dusting, once/week. There's no reason for the house to look like a bomb went off every single day. Or at all. Something's wrong with this picture.
I wonder if this topic is part of the Spring Break internet project at the local school....
4 brand-new members within the last hour and a half, or so.
People on this thread already are doing that, onihC. She's lazy, "drop this deadbeat" (direct quote), etc. Sorry that's not good enough for you.
"Do you want us to talk to your wife?...poor woman she must be going through depression..."
Even your comment on page one suggests it is not really HER fault 100% but something that the husband did like making her angry or made her feel underappreciated. Not exactly the same things that are posted when a woman is the one complaining about a man not doing household chores.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
Hire a housekeeper then.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
That's what I was wondering. I suspect the OP throws his clothes around, and expects his surrogate mom to pick up after him. Also curious as to who does the dishes after dinner, or if they both throw them in the sink and let them pile up and grow mold.
Has to be his fault I guess.
Quote:
If you do the little things as they come up, then there shouldn't be anything to do during the day, besides basic maintenance-type stuff: vacuuming & dusting, once/week. There's no reason for the house to look like a bomb went off every single day. Or at all. Something's wrong with this picture
Can't be her fault.
Quote:
I wonder if this topic is part of the Spring Break internet project at the local school....
4 brand-new members within the last hour and a half, or so.
Let's just pretend it is a woman complaining about her man not doing household chores and you might see it differently and not like a school project.
I was horrifically depressed for the couple of years that I was a mom at home without a job, too. I did keep the house very clean but the depression was awful, awful. Dragging myself out of bed yet one more day to scrub offal off every possible surface knowing I'd get zero thanks while my husband want to work, came home and was told by the whole world what a wonderful, hard worker he was...there were days I literally just wanted to jump off a building. I was even on medication. It was awful. Just awful.
I never, ever, ever, ever, ever want to be in that position again. I now work from home. I work daily. NOTHING else would work for me but this...minimum. I actually make money and I actually have some "pull" in this way. Nothing else made my husband respect me, you could have performed surgery on the kitchen floor at that time and he still wouldn't have respected a single thing I did, IT WAS HELL. I used to eye the bottle of antidepressants and fantasize about taking them all and driving off some place where nobody would find me for, you know, long enough.
The irony is now that I do LESS cleaning (though my house is still always at least neat...generally, neater than any of my friends' homes, I just don't like messiness), I now get MORE respect. I could have worked then until I died at cleaning and would have gotten zero respect...from anyone...it didn't matter. I'd never trade that time again, which is a shame as that's when my kids were little...that time will never come again. The memories that could have been good are entirely overshadowed by my misery over how things were and though this may seem extreme, I know I'm not alone in this reaction...I've heard it from other women (it always seems to be women???)...some are just quieter about it than others.
Of course, I have no idea whether this is the OP's situation...just commenting on the whole depression possibility.
How can you respect your husband when he is the kind of person who will have this kind of attitude?
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...aaaaanyways, yes, depression can be a reason or not.
