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OP: You don't *just notice* someone looking up someone else on facebook you intentionally go to facebook snooping around to see what you can find.
You should worry with controlling your own facebook, quit snooping in hers, quit trying to control who she can have on her friends list and seek professional help for the jealousy you feel over a man she never had an actual date with, has only had minimal contact with in 4 years, did not have sex with and met well before she even met you.
And, moving in together is not *being serious* it is playing house without a real commitment <------this is my opinnion only and only affects me and my relationships.
She wouldn't admit to sleeping with him anyways. Am I understanding correctly that he lives overseas?
I would stop snooping around her personal devices, you're just torturing yourself. If she cheats or leaves so be it. Why ruin a so called good relationship over your own insecurities? If you do confront her you'll seem pathetic and desperate.
I want to ask her to cut off all contact with him, delete his number, email, etc but I don't know if I'm overstepping.
I got rid of all the girls I was talking to before I met her and I think she should do the same.
Is that right or should I let it go?
So you CHOSE to "get rid of all the girls" but now you want her to do what you did. First, I don't get that. You had a life before you met her and that life made you who you are today. The sad thing is that, just because you did that, you want her to do the same. Controlling, possessive, and jealous. Those are 3 emotions and personality traits that are very incompatible with a long-term healthy relationship. I suggest you do 2 things: Find a therapist; and discuss your feelings with your girlfriend but only after you admit, if you can, that your feelings are irrational.
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05
OP:
If it bothers you that she is looking up a guy she met well before the two of you met, which according to you, she does not have that much personal contact with via Facebook, then perhaps it is time that both of you took a break from your relationship.
During the break reflect on what you posted as well as your replies.
I agree.
I've been in a wonderful relationship for nearly 19 years. We were both married before and he maintains contact with his previous wife. I'm perfectly fine with that - he chose me! He's not with her for their own reasons/issues. He has given me no reason to not trust him and I don't intend to start spying on him or mistrusting him.
If she really wanted to be with this other man, she could arrange that. She didn't and she doesn't. She chooses to be with you, so be happy for that and take it for what it is rather than creating an issue between you.
If it were just a regular old ex I would tell you that you are overreacting a bit, but in this case actually considering hard plans to get together and have sex plus bringing him (a dude she hasn't seen in half a decade) up in your conversations are HUGE red flags. Emotional cheating is a gray area but this may be the most rock solid example I've ever heard.
You would be in the right by telling her to cease contact HOWEVER be ready for the ultimatum to backfire. If it makes it easier this relationship is already over anyway.
So I have mixed feelings on this one!
I am suspicious if she had brought the guy up in conversation and they have been in touch recently, frequently.
I'll share how I use the "close friends" feature in facebook. I really have 2 buckets: close friends and people who post interesting stuff. I am at the stage where I have enough connections on facebook, if you aren't a "close friend" I'll miss your stuff.
I have one guy, who lives far away, tagged as a "close friend." He is tagged as a "close friend" because he posts interesting stuff (good content, interesting activities and trips) and I totally have a crush and I want to see what he is up to! I love lightweight facebook stalking.
I have another guy tagged as "close friend" because he posts great content and does cool stuff, and I comment on his posts all the time. I have no interest in him at all, but it could look "suspicious" because I interact with most of his posts, mention articles he has posted in real life and share them often. I see him in real life often. But we aren't real friends by any means.
So after all of those random stories, it really depends on what sort of person your girlfriend is. It might be totally innocent, like my situation #2. Or it could be with intent, like my situation #1.
I am suspicious if she had brought the guy up in conversation and they have been in touch recently, frequently.
I'll share how I use the "close friends" feature in facebook. I really have 2 buckets: close friends and people who post interesting stuff. I am at the stage where I have enough connections on facebook, if you aren't a "close friend" I'll miss your stuff.
I have one guy, who lives far away, tagged as a "close friend." He is tagged as a "close friend" because he posts interesting stuff (good content, interesting activities and trips) and I totally have a crush and I want to see what he is up to! I love lightweight facebook stalking.
I have another guy tagged as "close friend" because he posts great content and does cool stuff, and I comment on his posts all the time. I have no interest in him at all, but it could look "suspicious" because I interact with most of his posts, mention articles he has posted in real life and share them often. I see him in real life often. But we aren't real friends by any means.
So after all of those random stories, it really depends on what sort of person your girlfriend is. It might be totally innocent, like my situation #2. Or it could be with intent, like my situation #1.
Do you have a boyfriend Jade? would you get rid of your #1 if you were in a relationship without your partner having to ask you to do it?
Also she only has 150 friends on fb
If your relationship is becoming serious (shes aware of your insecurities) a smart woman would cut contact with a nobody thousands of miles away to avoid any drama.
Again, I was just about to say exactly
the same thing.
If the fakebook friend is so meaningless,
what's the issue?
Sounds like she's keeping her options open.
Last edited by believe007; 04-12-2016 at 08:23 PM..
I want to ask her to cut off all contact with him, delete his number, email, etc but I don't know if I'm overstepping.
I got rid of all the girls I was talking to before I met her and I think she should do the same.
Is that right or should I let it go?
So you CHOSE to "get rid of all the girls" but now you want her to do what you did. First, I don't get that. You had a life before you met her and that life made you who you are today. The sad thing is that, just because you did that, you want her to do the same. Controlling, possessive, and jealous. Those are 3 emotions and personality traits that are very incompatible with a long-term healthy relationship. I suggest you do 2 things: Find a therapist; and discuss your feelings with your girlfriend but only after you admit, if you can, that your feelings are irrational.
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05
OP:
If it bothers you that she is looking up a guy she met well before the two of you met, which according to you, she does not have that much personal contact with via Facebook, then perhaps it is time that both of you took a break from your relationship.
During the break reflect on what you posted as well as your replies.
I agree.
I've been in a wonderful relationship for nearly 19 years. We were both married before and he maintains contact with his previous wife. I'm perfectly fine with that - he chose me! He's not with her for their own reasons/issues. He has given me no reason to not trust him and I don't intend to start spying on him or mistrusting him.
If she really wanted to be with this other man, she could arrange that. She didn't and she doesn't. She chooses to be with you, so be happy for that and take it for what it is rather than creating an issue between you.
Your relationship is already in trouble because you don't trust her.
You're all up in her Facebook, tracking her movements surreptitiously. That's just . If you're THIS jealous of a guy who is basically a caricature, someone across the ocean who she hasn't talked to in a year, what are you going to do when it's a co-worker???
The way I see it, you have two choices:
1) Very nicely tell her you're jealous, you don't like her being in contact with him, etc. It will be weird, but it's honest. Then you can talk about it, and her reaction will let you know what's in store. If her mind is "going there," then you need to pay more attention to her emotional needs.
2) Let it go. She's very unlikely to see this guy again.
You're right; this guy undoubtedly does hit on most women he meets. But you have to stop telling her that because all you're doing is forcing her to prove, in her head or otherwise, that SHE was different, that she wasn't like "all the other girls."
I don't really think anything is happening with the guy. He's not really your problem anyway. Your jealousy is the problem.
And this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nahuel
I know this because her best friend told me.
... is such a middle-school move. Be better than that.
Again, I was just about to say exactly
the same thing.
If the fakebook friend is so meaningless,
what's the issue? Sounds like she's keeping her options open.
Its the first thing that came to my mind. But you're right, its meaningless...so meaningless, its so much easier to hit unfriend/block/delete then having your significant other questioning your motives and bring unwanted drama.
Unless, the motive is to keep options open with Valentino Italiano.
Its the first thing that came to my mind. But you're right, its meaningless...so meaningless, its so much easier to hit unfriend/block/delete then having your significant other questioning your motives and bring unwanted drama.
Unless, the motive is to keep options open with Valentino Italiano.
Ha
We are always on the same page
I feel for the OP....
People take fakebook way too seriously.
She'll probably get super pi$$ed if he
even brings it up.
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. If you're THIS jealous of a guy who is basically a caricature, someone across the ocean who she hasn't talked to in a year, what are you going to do when it's a co-worker???
