Tricky Situation, Need Help (man, kiss, pregnant, advice)

[HappyRain]

Originally Posted by chiluvr1228

Is this thread for real? I can't believe people sometimes, the writing is on the wall with this guy however she doesn't want to see it. WTF is wrong with people?!

OP - get some self respect or a good counselor because you need far more help than anybody on here can give you.

It happens. Usually with more desperate people. They want something, so they are determined to only see what they want, and if a curve is thrown, they try to rationalize it so it still works out nicely for them in their head. People like this usually wake up with a hard kick in the pants from the object of their obsession.

OP suffers from limerence, it seems. It's a more perverse from of infatuation. Infatuation is normal, and most human beings feel it. But limerence is more an obsession with a person, almost stalker or groupie behavior. They're on your mind constantly, you're thinking about them, you want them, you wanna talk about them constantly, and you want them to want you as well. I liken it to a drug addiction. But instead of drugs, it's an addiction to a person. They're always on your mind, and when you don't get your dosage of them, you're restless, depressed, or almost going through withdrawal.

So the OP's drug is hot guys. When there's a guy that is hot, who pays her any attention, it doesn't take long for her to be head over heels for him. And because she falls for them before even knowing them, she makes excuses for who she wants them to be.

[PetiteGem]

He was horny and wanted an easy lay. Take it or leave it, just don't expect more from someone who thinks so little of you. Besides you are the one showing him how to mistreat you.

[kristen12]

Well you all will be happy to know that I'm done with him
For good. Forever.

I made a stupid decision & decided to go see him after he had begged me to all week. Not a lot was said. I haven't slept in almost 3 days so I was extremely tired and he didn't have much to say either. But eventually one thing led to another and we had sex for maybe a total of 7 mins before I said something in the middle of it that killed his vibe and he was done.

He put his clothes on and I tried to explain myself but it wasn't working. He flat said he doesn't care about anything so nothing I say is gonna change his mind that he wasn't gonna continue to have sex tonight. He said we would still talk but we won't have sex for a while.. He said that a first then he said if we ever have it again.

He was so unresponsive and uncaring. I tried to tell him he didn't have to assume things weren't gonna end up being good tonight. Imean he offered for me to spend the night, put his arm around me. I said some mean things to him to let him know im not attached...which probably wasn't right but neither was anything that he did tonight.

I put my clothes on quickly and walked out of his apartment... I was surprised he followed after me to see if I needed directions on how to get out. So he walked out with me to my car.. And I'm not the best with directions so I was had to get him to explain them to me a few times and he ended up getting really frustrated at that and told me to figure it out before he got in the car with a friend.

In all seriousness I've been so stressed out at work and lack of sleep caused me to be so out of it tonight.. So I do regret that.

He texted me not long after I left and said "ok so we end on decent terms, like it was fun I just can't."

I talked too much tonight, I just wasn't acting normally...due to lack of sleep and everything else going on in my life.

So I sent back a nice message and I guess that's the end of everything.

The only thing I'm so upset by is that I've never met someone who cares so little about others as he does. It's almost scary. He's void of everything. He barely even looked at me except when we were kissing.

And maybe if I had just tried to be a friend to him instead of agreeing to the relationship he wanted, maybe I could have been a decent influence on his life. But I'll never know because of the decision I made, so... It's a little sad.

I guess this is a good thing. Thankfully it ended before I got in too deep. I'm okay. I just wish I knew why he wants to push away someone who only ever cared.

I don't feel any better after all this though.... I feel sad that I made such am awful decision and gave someone a second chance who never deserved it from me. Like he has the upper hand now since it was his decision to end things.

It also makes me feel self conscious about how I am at sex because he literally wanted to stop and didn't even wanna try at all after something I said (which wasn't even a big deal, I said pullout and don't get me pregnant)

I know that guys love sex so to be rejected like that during is a huge blow to my already incredibly low self esteem.

I feel guilty and ashamed. I should have stood my ground and never given him another chance because now I feel like a full.

How do I deal with these feelings of regret and shame? This entire situation (not him) has affected how I see myself and also life. I don't know how to bounce back from being treated so horribly. I feel incredibly worthless and unworthy and at the bottom of the class in life because I guess I can't even have sex right.

I advise against relationships like this now. It's not worth it and I wasn't even hardly in one. Ive been disrespected before. I'm sure it will come as no surprise to many that my ex during college abused me. I ended it with him. But at least my abusive acted semi normal in some situations.

This guy gave nothing, he felt nothing. He made an effort to be that way...by using every tool trick in the book.

It just baffles me how I would always be happy around him... Try to cheer him up, talk about his day.. Because I don't think he has anyone who really cares about that (he lives on base around all his lowlife friends.. I can say low life because they're like him...DUI's, fighting, jail, ect. Just jerks)

And he is going to let someone like me slip away. I honestly don't understand what goes on in his head but maybe I'm not supposed to. I've always thought there's a reason for everything happening in life but I can't imagine what my reason for meeting him was. All I'm left with is emptiness and a pit in my stomach.

I'm dumb and lost. I know. It's sad that I knowingly allowed myself to get treated like this, but I'm more sad about the confusion and feelings I'm left with after.

Getting treated like that, like your only purpose in life is to have sex, and then get rejected during and for that reason now you have no purpose to someone and they don't want to be around you... It's miserable.

It's awful to feel useless and to get dumped like you aren't even a person. I was never acknowledged by him... For anything.

No more of these situations, I just don't know how to get myself together now or what I'm supposed to think.

[HappyRain]

Well now you know. Learn from this. This guy showed you from the start that he was no good. You chose to argue, make excuses for him, and live with the fantasy that he cared about you but didn't want to show it. The guy doesn't care about you. And he showed that numerous times, but you don't seem to be able to take a hint until it gets to points like this where you're being abused or treated like a free hooker.

What you need to do is stop dating for now. You need to work on getting your life together, and doing things to help improve your self esteem. Dating abusive, or a-hole men one after the other is not going to help. As you see, it just makes it even worse. If your self-esteem isn't good, and you can help yourself, don't think you can help and save other people. And don't expect a man to see what a gem you are, when you are desperate, easily used, and a doormat. There's nothing special about any of that, and men will see that.

And given the summary, this guy is soured on you because you admitted to being attached, then there's the rant on him where you mention and question him about other girls. Then instead of enjoying good sex, you make comments about pregnancy. So you have just annoyed the hell out of him, and been more effort than a mere booty-call should. Yeah, men love sex. But like women, you can kill their mood too should you say something unwanted during it. Despite the stereotype. men are not mindless sex machines.

And it seems you're still acting recklessly. Apparently you started into sex with no condom? Because why ask him to pull out. If you went at it with this guy again with no condom, grow up. The pull out method has one of the highest failure rates for birth control. Men release all throughout sex, so even if he doesn't climax, he was still releasing in you while he was in. So if you're so worried about pregnancy, you need to look up different birth control methods. because in this day and age, it makes no sense to be that reckless if you don't want kids. And STD is also an issue, especially with a guy who apparently likes to go in unwrapped. So you probably need wait a bit, then go to get tested. If you insist on having sex with jerk men, be smart enough to use protection.

[Inkpoe]

Well, OP, you can't even be a good influence on yourself, it's simply unreasonable to think you could have that kind of impact on others.

He told you, many times over, that you weren't anything special to him-- but you insisted on not listening to what he said, insisted on blowing off what we posters said, insisted on focusing on that fantasy of seeing his potential and wanting to be a part of that. You can't even admit it to yourself that you set yourself up for this fall.

You need to seek therapy and start learning how to build a relationship with yourself. You're going to get perpetually burned if you don't.

[Just A Guy]

Where is your dad?

[softcrunch]

Maybe deal with it? That is how you learn, and probably what you deserved.

GIVING SEX cannot HELP TO FIX SOME GUY FROM DAMAGE (lol). Love might, but this guy doesn't want love with You. You went ahead with poison despite what everyone else have to say. Good grief.

I must say its bad to have the urge to laugh at someone who's hurting and so stupid at the same time. But this is hilarious if not made up. Everything went anticipated, so no surprise girl. Grow up now.

[NWGirl74]

My guess is this isn't over yet. He knows how to push her buttons and either he'll be back or she'll tell him she's sorry and grovel for another chance if she hasn't already sent the text.

[JerZ]

It turns my stomach that he basically punished you for speaking by pulling out and refusing to continue to associate with you. This guy started out just being indifferent to you but ended up being disgusted with you to the extent that he is obviously now deliberately crushing you just for laughs. I hope you're serious about being done, Kristen.

Seeing you blame yourself over and over again in that post for talking (seriously?) and whimpering that it's all because you were tired, as if you're desperate to give an adequate excuse for daring to speak to the person who was at the time doing you, literally made me ill.

Don't answer his texts, cut him off, no explanation. Nothing. I don't care what he says, do not answer, period. He does not deserve the time of day. He gets nothing now. Nothing. Zip. Stick to it.

[zentropa]

Do you talk all throughout the sex? You seem like someone who just talks and talks and talks.

ETA.... I posted that before I got to her last post about getting kicked out of bed for talking too much! I must be psychic.