Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hi everyone! I am having a question regarding my new boyfriend. Hope you can help me.
I am 30, divorced and have a 2-year-old child. At the online-Dating site I got acquainted with a 43-year old man, who is single and has never been married. No kids either.
He asked me for a date at the weekend. That weekend I was very busy, so I proposed to meet the next weekend. He agreed and texted me an sms with the time and the restaurant's name. It was Wednesday, and till the very day of our date I hadn't received any further text from him. So I texted him on Saturday, whether everything remained as it had been planned. He confirmed that, and so I went on a date.
We liked each other from the start, were talking about 5 hours, he paid the bill and drove me home. He didn't kiss me at the end, but said that he had a wonderful time and wanted to see me the next Saturday at 7 p.m. I agreed, and he said that he would text me where we should meet.
He didn't text me till the very date of our meeting. I thought he would never text me again, and then at 4 p.m. on Saturday I received an sms with the restaurant's name. So I went there. It was a fancy place, he ordered a lot, we had a great conversation, then he paid the bill, we walked together for about 2 hours, but he remained a bit distant, didn't even hold my hand, even when I nearly fell (I was on high heels and the ground was uneven). He asked me whether I would agree to move to the city center (he lives in the center and I live in the suburbs) and I said "Why not?". Then he admitted that he snores at night and asked whether this could be a problem for me. I said that I could get used to it, though I don't like it. He said that, if necessary, he could make an operation (similar to a nose job) to stop snoring.
Then he drove me home and... didn't kiss me. But said that he wanted to fly with me to another city for the weekend. I agreed, but then yesterday my son got a cold, so I decided to stay with him at home instead of giving him to my ex-husband for the weekend. So I texted the man that my son was sick and I couldn't fly with him.
He answered: "What a pity" and wished my son to recover soon. Then he proposed to meet next weekend and wrote that he would text me in a week.
Why couldn't he call? Or even come over for a cup of tea? Or offer some help like to buy some food (as I stay alone with a chld and he has a fever, so I can't go out).
He seems very distant and cold. He told me that once one woman tried to kiss him on a first date. He distanced from her and stopped calling her, as he found that "cheap".
May be he finds the fast development of a relationship cheap and that's why prefers to remain distant?
Or may be he is one of those bachelors who remain single for the rest of their lives as they have a relationship phobia?
What do you think? How should I behave with him? Should I tell him about my disappointment?
Kind of mysterious man as I feel from your story. Is he also in your city or from some where else? I think I would be care full when it comes to fly to another state.
... Why couldn't he call? Or even come over for a cup of tea? Or offer some help like to buy some food (as I stay alone with a chld and he has a fever, so I can't go out).
He seems very distant and cold. He told me that once one woman tried to kiss him on a first date. He distanced from her and stopped calling her, as he found that "cheap".
May be he finds the fast development of a relationship cheap and that's why prefers to remain distant?
Or may be he is one of those bachelors who remain single for the rest of their lives as they have a relationship phobia?
How should I behave with him? Should I tell him about my disappointment
There are generally contributory factors from a person's early development that manifest themselves in the way that you have seen. You have touched on some relevant points that are likely at play here, but you definitely should express your disappointment with how things have unfolded. Many posts to the relationships forum have a commonality that they share and it revolves around honest and open communication between those involved.
Lack of affection, emotional distance and his response to learning of your son's fever (specifically, not coming over to stay awhile) should be giving you some pause. Not exchanging kisses is one thing but him telling you that he found another woman's attempt to kiss on their first date to be the actions of a "cheap" woman is an over-the-top reaction in my opinion. What else did she do on their date to justify such a strong remark while he backed away from her?
You mentioned that the conversations were lengthy and you had a wonderful time with him, enough for you to already consider leaving your suburban area to move in to his city center residence, plus flying to another city for a weekend trip. Before you become too invested, find out as much as you can since there is a world of difference between short-term enjoyment and long-term compatibility.
There appears to be an inflexibility to him ... we all gravitate back to our comfort zones and are set in our ways to a given degree, but you need to speak from your heart and seek answers to the questions you have before uprooting yourself. You have considered major changes in a very quick timeframe. Slow down and thoughtfully reassess where you see yourself with him.
When that inner voice of yours is telling you something, please listen carefully. It is usually the best friend we have when decisions have to be made.
To be fair, this person is a virtual stranger to you. You've spent several hours together in a public and very restrained setting. WHY would he express the emotional intimacy of someone who is involved with your family when he barely knows you?
He doesn't need to come over for a cup of tea. He shouldn't be meeting your son for several months, AFTER you have become exclusive, and you certainly don't need to fly somewhere with him when you apparently don't even speak between dates.
As a mother, your child is your priority, and like it or not you have to take the dating process slowly and carefully. Your child is only 2. You aren't just dating to find a man; whoever you are with has to be considered as a potential father figure and should be vetted VERY carefully.
If he doesn't have kids of his own and has been living by himself for that long, the transition would have many challenges for him.
If you want him to cone over for a cuppa, you should invite him for one. It takes time to get to know a person. Why don't you take your time? He might turn out to be a complete jerk. Why do you want emotional intimacy with someone you've twice in your life?
Is he an ex-military guy? If so that explains it. Lol
Why do you say that? I was military once upon a time and likely would have behaved in a similar fashion except that I might call or text a bit more often. So your comment makes me wonder if there's something I'm missing.
Is he also in your city or from some where else? I think I would be care full when it comes to fly to another state.
Yeah, he is from my city. And yes, I've decided it's too early to travel with him.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
