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My husband asked if I would consider marriage counseling to save our marriage. I told him yes, I would. Prior to him asking we have had alot of sexual issues mainly with his porn addiction and his lies and he would not consider going to counseling because he did not think he had a problem.
Now, he is open to trying counseling and he says that he wants to work on our issues. During our "separation" he admitted to me that he didn't watch porn, but he did read several erotic stories with the same content as he used to watch prior. We were not intimate during this period.
I admitted to him that I had been chatting with other guys on Facebook, particularly with an old flame. Some of those old feelings came rushing back, but I couldn't act on anything.
My husband and I agreed to a clean slate, a fresh start in a new place. We put our house on the market and we want to move to a completely new place. It seems as if everything seems to be falling in place for the move and it feels right, but my heart is not 100% in it.
I'm about 75% in. I'm just still closed off to some things out of fear I suppose. Im worried that he's lying to me about really wanting to work on the issues. He is quite the chameleon. How can I know his heart? I also got really attached to the other guy, perhaps that was just a romanticized skewed reality that would never amount to anything. If we were supposed to be together, it would've worked out, right?
I'm focusing on my marriage and I want to do the right thing. No distractions! Will my heart change towards him?
My husband asked if I would consider marriage counseling to save our marriage. I told him yes, I would. Prior to him asking we have had alot of sexual issues mainly with his porn addiction and his lies and he would not consider going to counseling because he did not think he had a problem.
Now, he is open to trying counseling and he says that he wants to work on our issues. During our "separation" he admitted to me that he didn't watch porn, but he did read several erotic stories with the same content as he used to watch prior. We were not intimate during this period.
I admitted to him that I had been chatting with other guys on Facebook, particularly with an old flame. Some of those old feelings came rushing back, but I couldn't act on anything.
My husband and I agreed to a clean slate, a fresh start in a new place. We put our house on the market and we want to move to a completely new place. It seems as if everything seems to be falling in place for the move and it feels right, but my heart is not 100% in it.
I'm about 75% in. I'm just still closed off to some things out of fear I suppose. Im worried that he's lying to me about really wanting to work on the issues. He is quite the chameleon. How can I know his heart? I also got really attached to the other guy, perhaps that was just a romanticized skewed reality that would never amount to anything. If we were supposed to be together, it would've worked out, right?
I'm focusing on my marriage and I want to do the right thing. No distractions! Will my heart change towards him?
Well the fact you got attached to the other bloke is not a great indication for the marriages future.
But that said I think you should try a clean slate with your husband and see how it goes. Unfortunately only time will tell with this....
Your heart will change only after he rebuilds that trust.
No one is perfect... the question is whether or not you can accept one's imperfections. You have to decide that on your own.
You're right. My issue is the trust. I've relied more on watching what he does than listening to what he says. He has a habit of telling me what I want to hear because he wants to make me happy. He does that with everyone. Finds a way to please everyone, even if it means lying.
Nobody's perfect and I am certainly not spotless. We all have issues! Lol
Well the fact you got attached to the other bloke is not a great indication for the marriages future.
But that said I think you should try a clean slate with your husband and see how it goes. Unfortunately only time will tell with this....
I hope it works out for you both
I know. It felt good, but it didn't. It was WRONG of me to pursue/entertain it. Now, it can't be undone. The heart is a fickle thing. How can you ever trust it?
I know. It felt good, but it didn't. It was WRONG of me to pursue/entertain it. Now, it can't be undone. The heart is a fickle thing. How can you ever trust it?
With a large case of whiskey!!!!!
No but seriously if things are not going well at home it's a lot easier to be swayed or tempted by someone else as its a nice thought and a feel good moment away from reality ( trust me I get it ) ....... You didn't cheat so there's no real damage.
I've got to give you full marks though for being honest and upfront with your husband about chatting online with other blokes and him for admitting he has a problem and is willing to do what it takes to make your marriage work
Having thought about it again with honesty like that I disagree that trust is an issue for the both of you and I'm much more convinced that you both have every chance of making it work
My husband asked if I would consider marriage counseling to save our marriage. I told him yes, I would. Prior to him asking we have had alot of sexual issues mainly with his porn addiction and his lies and he would not consider going to counseling because he did not think he had a problem.
Now, he is open to trying counseling and he says that he wants to work on our issues. During our "separation" he admitted to me that he didn't watch porn, but he did read several erotic stories with the same content as he used to watch prior. We were not intimate during this period.
I admitted to him that I had been chatting with other guys on Facebook, particularly with an old flame. Some of those old feelings came rushing back, but I couldn't act on anything.
My husband and I agreed to a clean slate, a fresh start in a new place. We put our house on the market and we want to move to a completely new place. It seems as if everything seems to be falling in place for the move and it feels right, but my heart is not 100% in it.
I'm about 75% in. I'm just still closed off to some things out of fear I suppose. Im worried that he's lying to me about really wanting to work on the issues. He is quite the chameleon. How can I know his heart? I also got really attached to the other guy, perhaps that was just a romanticized skewed reality that would never amount to anything. If we were supposed to be together, it would've worked out, right?
I'm focusing on my marriage and I want to do the right thing. No distractions! Will my heart change towards him?
Your feelings are not unusual and they are perfectly understandable, given the situation. Also "75% in" is very positive.
So, stay open to the possibilities of reconciliation and that you both may have to make some changes, and remember that actions speak louder than promises.
Finally, changing locations (a fresh start) is a pretty dramatic move and the only problem with that, generally, is "you have to bring yourselves along". Maybe it's better to think about "transitions"?
Your feelings are not unusual and they are perfectly understandable, given the situation. Also "75% in" is very positive.
So, stay open to the possibilities of reconciliation and that you both may have to make some changes, and remember that actions speak louder than promises.
Finally, changing locations (a fresh start) is a pretty dramatic move and the only problem with that, generally, is "you have to bring yourselves along". Maybe it's better to think about "transitions"?
He is trying to cuddle and touch more than what I feel comfortable with at the moment. I used to beg for that kind of affection in the past (actually for a good number of years and he was the one that was not interested).
I just have a hard time trusting his motives. I think he loves me, but I need for him to be honest. Maybe I just too mistrustful for it to work. I really want to put something on his phone to see what he's up to. On some level I feel like I need that proof, to either confirm nothings going on behind my back or something is. Is sad that I feel like I have to do something like that. In the past, he has always wiped his phone clean of everything. He does not have social media because he used it inappropriately (his choice).
My husband asked if I would consider marriage counseling to save our marriage. I told him yes, I would. Prior to him asking we have had alot of sexual issues mainly with his porn addiction and his lies and he would not consider going to counseling because he did not think he had a problem.
Now, he is open to trying counseling and he says that he wants to work on our issues. During our "separation" he admitted to me that he didn't watch porn, but he did read several erotic stories with the same content as he used to watch prior. We were not intimate during this period.
I admitted to him that I had been chatting with other guys on Facebook, particularly with an old flame. Some of those old feelings came rushing back, but I couldn't act on anything.
My husband and I agreed to a clean slate, a fresh start in a new place. We put our house on the market and we want to move to a completely new place. It seems as if everything seems to be falling in place for the move and it feels right, but my heart is not 100% in it.
I'm about 75% in. I'm just still closed off to some things out of fear I suppose. Im worried that he's lying to me about really wanting to work on the issues. He is quite the chameleon. How can I know his heart? I also got really attached to the other guy, perhaps that was just a romanticized skewed reality that would never amount to anything. If we were supposed to be together, it would've worked out, right?
I'm focusing on my marriage and I want to do the right thing. No distractions! Will my heart change towards him?
Perhaps you checked out of the marriage long before the separation. Trying to make your heart fall in love with someone again is almost impossible. Good luck
Well the fact you got attached to the other bloke is not a great indication for the marriages future.
Really. I wouldn't consider the OP entirely trustworthy, either. I don't know the husband from Adam, but one thing to consider is that sometimes those who know they are not trustworthy themselves sometimes find excuses not to trust others, even when it would seem the others are making every effort to regain trust.
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) ....... You didn't cheat so there's no real damage. 
