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I have been with my husband for almost 9 years married 3. We have a very active sex life (4-5 times a week usually weekends). I stayed home 3 days to have sex with him this week. I knew my husband watched a lot of porn, but never thought it was everyday. In the last month I have caught him on several occasions. I have come home earlier from work or I'd go out to the store to quickly pick up food. He knows I could be home any minute, however still takes the chance that I'll catch him.We fought for 4 days last week about this whole mess. I told him it was his porn or our marriage. He begged me for another chance. He recently asked me if it was all right for him to look and not touch himself. Today he failed after a week of looking and not touching. I know they say the sins of the father are revisited upon the children. My father-in-law can't hold a relationship because he treats his girlfriends like sex slaves and watches porn each night (after all he in't married). He knows I look at his computer (yes I have my own). Tonight was surprised I found a bunch of cheating porns through pornhub-he has the site marked. Pretty much spouses cheating on their partners. Should I be worried? He usually watches asian women or double oral sex (two women on one man). He has never given me ANY indication that he would cheat. I'm 39 he's 30. I've had several relationships. He's had 3. I'm the 3rd. I am also the bread winner. Any advice would be good.
I got no further than "I stayed home with him three days to have sex with him" and the fact that you essentially take care of him financially.
Mercy.... I'd worship the ground you walked on if I were him. He's screwed in the head.
That could not be a less true appraisal of what I wrote no. What I wrote very much takes both parties into consideration. Try reading it again. And again if that helps.
She is abusing nothing. She is defining what she wants from a relationship. And for her - porn is not part of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. We all have the right to define the parameters of what we want from a relationship. It is up to the people who want to enter into a relationship with us to appraise those parameters and decide if they want to be in that relationship with us or not.
The guilt trip on people does not help - trying to convince them they are somehow wrong to know what they want - or do not want - in their relationship.
You don't have the right to tell others how to treat themselves.
This is what you're not understanding with the logic train your attempting to run full speed ahead with.
Spouses will always have things they disagree with in all categories of life, they are not ALL means or grounds for separation or even conflict. It takes introspection on both sides to understand personal issues from relationship issues failure to do this just results in every problem you have becoming about your own feelings, dislikes and needs and ballooning in to larger unsolvable ones.
The op has a hell of a lot of issues happening within her relationship right now from what little she has posted.
Not only is her spouse feeling like they have to answer to someone else before they can do something on their own, but the op is trying to fix her own insecurities surrounding it by feeding in to what she claims to dislike.
It's a round trip of get a grip.
There is more going on here than porn. None of us with what little we have could begin to understand how deep it goes for both parties involved.
Last edited by rego00123; 05-18-2016 at 04:49 PM..
You don't have the right to tell others how to treat themselves.
Again - not what I said. What I did say was you have the right to declare what you want to go on in your relationship or not. And if the person you are in the relationship with does not concur - then they have the right to leave the relationship.
You appear to be missing what I am actually saying - and taking issue with things I never said. This is what you're not understanding with the logic train you're attempting to run full speed ahead with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
Spouses will always have things they disagree with in all categories of life, they are not ALL means or grounds for separation or even conflict.
Nor did I say they all were - so it is not clear why you bring it up with the logic train you're attempting to run full speed ahead with. All I am saying is that _we all_ have the right to declare what is important to us in a relationship - and offer our partner the chance to agree - compromise - or leave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
Not only is her spouse feeling like they have to answer to someone else before they can do something on their own
The spouse has not posted here. We have no idea what this person is feeling therefore. You are just engaging in imagination and projection now. But again - if the OP does not want porn in her relationship - there is nothing wrong with that. At all. She has every right to set that parameter in her relationship - there is nothing wrong with her doing that - and many people in the world have that condition in their relationship.
And describing that wish as "insecurity" is merely to distort and misrepresent it. Some people simply do not want porn in their relationship. That does not make them insecure.
Disagreed. They have a healthy sex life from what it sounds like. Just because a guy is watching porn does not mean he has any intention of actually cheating with a girl.
I have no idea what the OP is saying when she says she 'stays home' though to have sex. I'm hoping this doesn't mean call off work or something ridiculous like that as that would be a dumb thing to do. If anything, the man can take care of himself it sounds like as the wife is at work and still have reserves to go when she gets home. Sex shouldn't be some inconvenience or something someone has to do. That could be the source of the problem.
The idea that the guy needs some kind of therapy is laughable. Unless of course it's a young female dressed in a short skirt wanting to fulfill the desire to go two women on one dude.
Just kidding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by In2itive_1
No...he did have her stay home for three days so he could have sex (apparently thinking this would "fix things"..) they also fought about his preoccupation with porn. And she is the one who works, as she mentioned being "the breadwinner", with him not contributing, financially. Probably not otherwise either, this having been his entire focus, which is why she brought this up. (Doesn't sound so sexually-healthy or emotionally-balanced to me).
Maybe some should re-read what the OP wrote.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikelee81
I will suggest that if the man is somehow forcing the women from going to work because he wants to have sex with her they have bigger issues going on then him watching porn.
I don't know one woman especially a 'breadwinner' that would call off work because her horny husband wanted to get laid. Maybe she's the one that needs to get therapy.
I read the post just fine.
Posters can be so defensive. It seems too, that many men are automatically defending the male in this scenario, thinking "Hey, he just wants to get off all the time and with Porn...what's wrong with that?"
I clarified something based upon what you asked or suggested. Yes, there is obviously an issue with them both, her feeling the need to comply with him - and more. And no, it is NOT just about Porn..duh...as has been discussed.
It doesn't seem to matter what is explained sometimes around here... you can get an oppositional attitude. You say one thing, they say the opposite...you say the same, they oppose you again. There is a name for this.. "Oppositional Conversational style".. OCS. People can be on the same page and one will still make it into the opposite.
Yes you did, and no one's forcing anyone to do anything in the post.
Here's my brief recap for fans of "What happened to that one guy's wife who started complaining after 9 years?"
Mikelee stated: she says she 'stays home' though to have sex. I'm hoping this doesn't mean call off work or something ridiculous like that as that would be a dumb thing to do In2itive1 states:No...he did have her stay home for three days so he could have sex (apparently thinking this would "fix things"..)
How is this different? 1 point for Mikelee, as OP stated: I stayed home 3 days to have sex with him this week.
(Her husband didn’t have her do anything) In2itive1 states: And she is the one who works, as she mentioned being "the breadwinner", with him not contributing, financially. Probably not otherwise either, this having been his entire focus, which is why she brought this up. OP stated:
“I am also the bread winner.”
That’s all she stated. Nothing about him NOT having any type of job he ever goes to, and nothing about him NOT contributing financially.
A breadwinner is one whose earnings are the primary source of support, others may still be contributing.
In2itive1 states:predators and the crap they leave around... and Jared Folgerberg.
The end
First, if you are going to quote others, you should do so properly. Also, thinking adults can read between the lines - in this case, knowing what the OP was expressing.
* She had stayed home (not just because she felt like it, but clearly because she was trying to appease him). And not that this is normal...individuals and relationships can be confused and complicated.
* If one states themselves to be the breadwinner, they are the one providing the income for both. (Looks like you are providing more of the story in your head, yourself).
* In a completely different post, which you did not quote correctly, I addressed how there are some who have even bigger hangups than only the Porn they may utilize - such as Jared Fogle (his correct name), who was / is a child predator, apparently having been obsessed with looking at, fantasizing about or acting upon sex acts involving children - for YEARS!!
First, if you are going to quote others, you should do so properly. Also, thinking adults can read between the lines - in this case, knowing what the OP was expressing
That's the problem you're having understanding others, you're reading between the lines and not comprehending there are other ways to look at things -that aren't necessarily WRONG or perverted, just different from your opinion. I copied and pasted. Hard to get that wrong, and you're the only one reading between the lines.
I pasted the quotes word for word, from one screen to the next so as to NOT misquote didn't add my own-- but then again you're the "thinking adult here reading between the lines" (your words, describing you!) so there's no point in me telling you how ironic it is for you to accuse me of not quoting others properly.
No one cares about Jared Fogle!
The OP probably got over it and decided to work things out.
Hmmm i must be the only bloke that doesn't like porn then .....
Youre not. People just dont want to believe a man doesnt need porn.
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(Looks like you are providing more of the story in your head, yourself).
