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I have been staying home packing stuff for the past week since I will be relocated to another state next month. My husband has just started his own business, so he works from at home all the time.
I accidentally used his computer and clicked on the browsing history today. To my surprise (I always thought my husband watched porn ONCE IN A WHILE when I WAS NOT AROUND), my husband got on porn websites every chance he got. From Monday to today, both of us had been home all the time, and the only time he was left alone was when I spent an hour and half at the gym everyday. Well, he fully utilized my gym time to watch porn obviously.
I'm feeling really hurt by his actions. When I tried to sit down and talk about it with him, he said he "thinks" he has always had some chemical imbalance and that he has to watch porn to help his testosterone. According to him, in order for him to function in the bedroom, he has to watch porn to build it up --it's something he's always been doing even before we met each other. He said he very rarely finishes by watching porn -it's just some tool he uses to make him perform better sexually.
We've always had fights about sex - I need sex at least every other day, whereas he always says he can't do it often and the most he can do is probably three times a week. I felt I've given up my sexual preference/needs to be with him because I loved who he is, not how much sex we could have. But now, I'm just discovering maybe he does need sex every day, he just doesn't want to do it with me everyday.
He said he's completely happy with the way I look and the way I act in the bedroom, but he did tell me that he thinks my breasts are too small and some augmentation will be needed. I know I have small breast but I didn't know it was such a big deal. Now I'm feeling very insecure because I just feel like my husband isn't as attracted to me as I thought due to the size of my breasts. I'm working full time to pay our bills because my husband's new business is not generating any revenue. How could I change my breasts size when I can't afford it? I feel like to tell me that my breasts are too small-- knowing there's nothing we can do about--is basically the same as I tell my husband that all my ex boyfriends had a bigger penis and I wish his were as big.
We just got married couple of months ago. If I feel this unattractive already, I don't know what's going to happen later on...
Should I be concerned about him watching porn? Is it weird that now, all of a sudden, I'm feeling very insecure about the size of my breasts?
Your husband is more satisfied with porn than with a real woman -- any woman. Don't take it personally. No woman can measure up to that, not even porn stars, I imagine.
What to do? Do you really think there's anything you can do? It's up to him and he's probably addicted to it.
I'd say keep packing your bags and find a good attorney. All the therapy in the world won't solve HIS problem till he's good and ready. Ask yourself is it worth losing your self esteem for the rest of your life. "Needing" bigger breasts is just an excuse he's making to distract you from the fact he has issues.
Cripes, the size of your breasts? You are insecure all of a sudden about your relationship now that you know your husband watches porn? Best to just get divorced and move on now and quit wasting any more time. Then when you have your next relationship be sure and ask him on the application you give him if he watches porn more than a couple hours daily, if he has to watch porn to be able to perform in the bedroom, if he wants sex with you more than he watches porn and if the size of your boobs is okay with him.
I accidentally used his computer and clicked on the browsing history today.
Curious how someone can get on a computer, log in, open a browser, click into history and do it all by "accident". That aside however -
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
When I tried to sit down and talk about it with him, he said he "thinks" he has always had some chemical imbalance and that he has to watch porn to help his testosterone.
- It sounds to me like he needs to consult a doctor if he thinks he has a medical issue. However I am not aware of any such condition where porn is required to boost testosterone levels. So even if something is medically wrong with him I do not think it is likely to be what he thinks it is. Sexual dysfunction or libido issues can be signs of a wide range of underlying medical conditions and he would do well to have himself checked out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
But now, I'm just discovering maybe he does need sex every day, he just doesn't want to do it with me everyday.
This might not be the right way to interpet this at all. Quite often porn is nothing to do with not wanting to have sex with your partner - but is just an "easier" replacement for sex.
Let me try an analogy to food. We all know that well prepared food is healthier - tastier - better looking and better smelling than - say - McDonalds. Despite that however we do not always have the time, energy or "get up and go" to go about making the full nice healthy dinner we prefer - so we turn to quick and "nasty" substitutes like fast food. This does not mean we "prefer" them to the good stuff.
Porn can be similar. Someone who uses a lot of porn is not necessarily saying that prefer it to sex with their partner. It is just a quick and easy substitute when the person in question does not have the energy and "get up and go" to go for the real sex.
Now this lack of energy and libido can simply be the result of modern day stressful living and for many that is the case. However coupled with the strange comments you mentioned above I would still heartily recommend a medical check up to make sure the low energy and libido is not symtematic of something underlying and more serious.
All that said however....
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
he did tell me that he thinks my breasts are too small and some augmentation will be needed.
.... I think this is out of line. No one has the right to demand another augment anything. If he does not want you for who you are but instead wants you to edit yourself to become what he wants you to be then perhaps you might consider if this really is the person for you or you for him.
My husband has just started his own business, so he works from at home all the time.
He said he's completely happy with the way I look and the way I act in the bedroom, but he did tell me that he thinks my breasts are too small and some augmentation will be needed. I know I have small breast but I didn't know it was such a big deal. Now I'm feeling very insecure because I just feel like my husband isn't as attracted to me as I thought due to the size of my breasts. I'm working full time to pay our bills because my husband's new business is not generating any revenue. How could I change my breasts size when I can't afford it? I feel like to tell me that my breasts are too small-- knowing there's nothing we can do about--is basically the same as I tell my husband that all my ex boyfriends had a bigger penis and I wish his were as big.
Should I be concerned about him watching porn? Is it weird that now, all of a sudden, I'm feeling very insecure about the size of my breasts?
Were you together for a month and decided to get married? He works from home and watches porn all day while you work. Sounds like he married you for welfare. The breast comment was the best. Not only is he a moron, he has no manners. I hear dumpster diving is profitable. You should tell him to start a business doing that and move out.
As a side note. More proof that nice guys will always finish last.
you know how serial killers start out abusing animals? Well IMO and from what I've seen personally, cheating husbands start out watching porn endlessly. Get out now!!
I hate to say this 21st, but it sounds like you picked a real winner...
You never should have married this man. I'd advise some professional counseling. If he isn't up for that and unwilling to address you concerns, leave him.
Curious how someone can get on a computer, log in, open a browser, click into history and do it all by "accident". That aside however -
- It sounds to me like he needs to consult a doctor if he thinks he has a medical issue. However I am not aware of any such condition where porn is required to boost testosterone levels. So even if something is medically wrong with him I do not think it is likely to be what he thinks it is. Sexual dysfunction or libido issues can be signs of a wide range of underlying medical conditions and he would do well to have himself checked out.
This might not be the right way to interpet this at all. Quite often porn is nothing to do with not wanting to have sex with your partner - but is just an "easier" replacement for sex.
Let me try an analogy to food. We all know that well prepared food is healthier - tastier - better looking and better smelling than - say - McDonalds. Despite that however we do not always have the time, energy or "get up and go" to go about making the full nice healthy dinner we prefer - so we turn to quick and "nasty" substitutes like fast food. This does not mean we "prefer" them to the good stuff.
Porn can be similar. Someone who uses a lot of porn is not necessarily saying that prefer it to sex with their partner. It is just a quick and easy substitute when the person in question does not have the energy and "get up and go" to go for the real sex.
Now this lack of energy and libido can simply be the result of modern day stressful living and for many that is the case. However coupled with the strange comments you mentioned above I would still heartily recommend a medical check up to make sure the low energy and libido is not symtematic of something underlying and more serious.
All that said however....
.... I think this is out of line. No one has the right to demand another augment anything. If he does not want you for who you are but instead wants you to edit yourself to become what he wants you to be then perhaps you might consider if this really is the person for you or you for him.
"accident" might not be the right word - but I was just curious as to what he does all day since I don't feel he's being productive enough. I'm getting stressed out about bills and I certainly don't want to feel like I'm married to someone just so that he can stop working and I can support everybody.
The breast size discussion was a surprise to me. Prior to that, he's never even remotely mentioned his dissatisfaction about the size of my breasts. Now, it seems all of a sudden he needs me to go through surgery and change myself. I now think he's been having this thought since day 1, but he's chosen not to tell me the truth. Now I feel he's been lying about just everything...
I hate to say this 21st, but it sounds like you picked a real winner...
You never should have married this man. I'd advise some professional counseling. If he isn't up for that and unwilling to address you concerns, leave him.
I told him we need some counseling. His reply was "let me tell you something. EVERY MAN watches porn ALL THE TIME, they just don't tell you. I'm not going to let a counselor tell me what to do, cuz that guy probably watches porn all the time too, he just hides it well."
What do i do with someone who isnt willing to go to counseling? Is that a sign of failure in my marriage?
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