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THe reason why I didn't go to the counseling was because the night before, I hit my knee on a machine at the gym. It was hurting when I came home, but after I sat down on a chair for an hour and tried to stand up, it got a lot worse and I found myself could barely move that leg. My husband was at a friend's place (because he refused to come home since I suggested him for a penis enlargement surgery) when I called him to get me some pain killer. He refused to help me and said he was still angry at me. I was crying the whole night and couldn't tell what part hurt more- my knee or my heart. He had every single reason to be mad, but telling me that "you just hurt your knee, you are not gonna die!" and hung up on me was still something I didn't expect from him.
The counselor I scheduled was only for addictions - if I'm not planning on being with him, I won't be dealing with addictions anymore. I'll have to schedule a counselor for MYSELF, which is something I'm working on.
Before I can get to a counselor's office, could everybody please tell me if the following scenarios happen between you and your partner, would you consider abusive? and what would you do when it happens?
1) Since the beginning of the relationship, your partner is the one who starts to check your private emails and facebook messages for no reason, and read the unread messages before you read them. When you do happen to get suspicious of him and checks his phone, he flips out because you invaded his privacy. When you ask why he can always snoop, he always yells: "I'm just a curious person! I'm not checking your emails and messages because I'm suspicious; but you check my phone because you don't trust me!! I AM so tired of the DOUBLE STANDARD! It's unfair!!" When you try to point out although it's a double standard, he's the favored one, he blows up even more.
2) When you have a concern/complaint and try to talk about it with your partner, he always takes it as a personal attack and refuses to sit down with you. If you express any dissatisfaction with anything, he'll respond:" What about you? You've done the same thing/similar things before!!" Then he goes on and bring up all the things you've done wrong. Eventually, all the wrongdoings from the first day you met each other will be brought up and the argument just becomes a big blowup. Last thing you realize is you are just arguing, but you don't even know what you arguing about anymore. When you finally try to bring the topic back on track, he tells you "I don't want to spend time arguing anymore", then he stands up and leaves. Then, you realize you haven't even had a chance to discuss the real issue with him. At the end of the day, you're only allowed to compliment him, otherwise he'll always shut you up by telling you what you've done wrong.
3) Whenever you are hurt, you are NOT allowed to have tears in your eyes. Crying is considered as some sort of mental illness by him. The more you feel hurt and just want to sit down and cry, the angrier he gets. Instead of hugging you and comforting you, he threatens to leave you if you don't stop crying. Then he uses his cellphone to record you crying so that "one day he can show to the judge in the courtroom as evidence of his wife's insanity." He says he's ever seen ANYBODY crying in his entire life.
4) He will never admit he ever starts a fight. He always blame on you because you aren't smiling enough, you always sound negative. He brings things happened 12 months ago into today's argument and use that as an example as why you are wrong TODAY.
5) when you're finally fed up with everything and getting ready to leave the relationship, he comes to you in tears and express how regretful he is and tell you that "I'm a human. Humans make mistakes. I know I have a lot of growing up to do, and I'm working on it." He begs you to stay, and tell you that there's nothing more a human can do other than learn from the mistakes.
6) When you feel too irresponsible to leave the relationship and decide to give it another shot, you realize everything just goes back to the same vicious circle...He'll still point out every fight as caused by you, and everything done wrong is because of you, and that your feelings shouldn't be considered because your feelings are always negative..etc...
I've never had this kind of argument with anyone before..is this normal? WHen I repeat his words to my parents, they said there's no way to even have a real conversation with someone like that. (my parents hate my husband's guts BTW)
You need to leave the relationship and not be talked out of it.
Go to a womens' centre for advice, they'll help you put a plan in place, but I'd reckon if you're going to leave, you have to do it when he's not there, rather than when he is and allowing yourself to be manipulated.
If it's your house, then HE needs to leave when he's out.
Again, they will give you advice about this.
Look at this list and see how many of these characteristics are present.
After you've read the list, read the post from the start again, especially the bit where I say
Quote:
You need to leave the relationship and not be talked out of it. Go to a womens' centre for advice, they'll help you put a plan in place
You need external help to leave, at the moment, you cannot see the wood for the trees.
Incidentally, I'd strongly suggest changing the title of this thread.
You are not likely to attract the right kind of people, or advice to the thread with a title about someone watching porn, especially when that's not really got anything to do with your current dilemma
THe reason why I didn't go to the counseling was because the night before, I hit my knee on a machine at the gym. It was hurting when I came home, but after I sat down on a chair for an hour and tried to stand up, it got a lot worse and I found myself could barely move that leg. My husband was at a friend's place (because he refused to come home since I suggested him for a penis enlargement surgery) when I called him to get me some pain killer. He refused to help me and said he was still angry at me. I was crying the whole night and couldn't tell what part hurt more- my knee or my heart. He had every single reason to be mad, but telling me that "you just hurt your knee, you are not gonna die!" and hung up on me was still something I didn't expect from him.
The counselor I scheduled was only for addictions - if I'm not planning on being with him, I won't be dealing with addictions anymore. I'll have to schedule a counselor for MYSELF, which is something I'm working on.
Before I can get to a counselor's office, could everybody please tell me if the following scenarios happen between you and your partner, would you consider abusive? and what would you do when it happens?
1) Since the beginning of the relationship, your partner is the one who starts to check your private emails and facebook messages for no reason, and read the unread messages before you read them. When you do happen to get suspicious of him and checks his phone, he flips out because you invaded his privacy. When you ask why he can always snoop, he always yells: "I'm just a curious person! I'm not checking your emails and messages because I'm suspicious; but you check my phone because you don't trust me!! I AM so tired of the DOUBLE STANDARD! It's unfair!!" When you try to point out although it's a double standard, he's the favored one, he blows up even more.
2) When you have a concern/complaint and try to talk about it with your partner, he always takes it as a personal attack and refuses to sit down with you. If you express any dissatisfaction with anything, he'll respond:" What about you? You've done the same thing/similar things before!!" Then he goes on and bring up all the things you've done wrong. Eventually, all the wrongdoings from the first day you met each other will be brought up and the argument just becomes a big blowup. Last thing you realize is you are just arguing, but you don't even know what you arguing about anymore. When you finally try to bring the topic back on track, he tells you "I don't want to spend time arguing anymore", then he stands up and leaves. Then, you realize you haven't even had a chance to discuss the real issue with him. At the end of the day, you're only allowed to compliment him, otherwise he'll always shut you up by telling you what you've done wrong.
3) Whenever you are hurt, you are NOT allowed to have tears in your eyes. Crying is considered as some sort of mental illness by him. The more you feel hurt and just want to sit down and cry, the angrier he gets. Instead of hugging you and comforting you, he threatens to leave you if you don't stop crying. Then he uses his cellphone to record you crying so that "one day he can show to the judge in the courtroom as evidence of his wife's insanity." He says he's ever seen ANYBODY crying in his entire life.
4) He will never admit he ever starts a fight. He always blame on you because you aren't smiling enough, you always sound negative. He brings things happened 12 months ago into today's argument and use that as an example as why you are wrong TODAY.
5) when you're finally fed up with everything and getting ready to leave the relationship, he comes to you in tears and express how regretful he is and tell you that "I'm a human. Humans make mistakes. I know I have a lot of growing up to do, and I'm working on it." He begs you to stay, and tell you that there's nothing more a human can do other than learn from the mistakes.
6) When you feel too irresponsible to leave the relationship and decide to give it another shot, you realize everything just goes back to the same vicious circle...He'll still point out every fight as caused by you, and everything done wrong is because of you, and that your feelings shouldn't be considered because your feelings are always negative..etc...
I've never had this kind of argument with anyone before..is this normal? WHen I repeat his words to my parents, they said there's no way to even have a real conversation with someone like that. (my parents hate my husband's guts BTW)
Let me save you $150. Get the hell OUT of that relationship as fast as you can! That is NOT how someone treats a person they love. It will only escalate the longer you allow someone to treat you that way.
Seems to me like you have ALOT more issues than your husband watching porn. I only read a little bit of your original post, but this one seems to have an agenda. Nothing justifies you telling your husband to get a penius enlargment surgery, its just as mean and hurtful as anything that you list in your "abuse" list.(lmao, he checks my emails - is this abuse). If youre unhappy in your marriage, then either look for help or get the hell out. Your parents hate your husbands guts, because you run to them every chance you get and complain how aweful he is. I guarantee you dont do the same when he does wonderful things for you or when youre happy with him. Youre not getting any validation for this nonsense from me, youre both at fault.
I asked before and I will ask again because you haven't posted a single good quality about your husband. You enjoyed the fun things you did together before you were married but what about who he is as a person? Is he kind...compassionate...does he have a great sense of humor? Is he smart? Do you have great conversations? Is there something to work with? We already know the sex isn't that great but what about outside the bedroom? If there is nothing good to work with then why waste time trying to fix problems when you don't like his personality? If you actually like him and overall he is a good human being then it might be worth it to try?
I doubt it from what you have posted but let's give the husband the benefit of the doubt. Come back to the thread and give us some solid reasons why you love him and why you would want to be married to him.
THe reason why I didn't go to the counseling was because the night before, I hit my knee on a machine at the gym. It was hurting when I came home, but after I sat down on a chair for an hour and tried to stand up, it got a lot worse and I found myself could barely move that leg. My husband was at a friend's place (because he refused to come home since I suggested him for a penis enlargement surgery) when I called him to get me some pain killer. He refused to help me and said he was still angry at me. I was crying the whole night and couldn't tell what part hurt more- my knee or my heart. He had every single reason to be mad, but telling me that "you just hurt your knee, you are not gonna die!" and hung up on me was still something I didn't expect from him.
The counselor I scheduled was only for addictions - if I'm not planning on being with him, I won't be dealing with addictions anymore. I'll have to schedule a counselor for MYSELF, which is something I'm working on.
Before I can get to a counselor's office, could everybody please tell me if the following scenarios happen between you and your partner, would you consider abusive? and what would you do when it happens?
1) Since the beginning of the relationship, your partner is the one who starts to check your private emails and facebook messages for no reason, and read the unread messages before you read them. When you do happen to get suspicious of him and checks his phone, he flips out because you invaded his privacy. When you ask why he can always snoop, he always yells: "I'm just a curious person! I'm not checking your emails and messages because I'm suspicious; but you check my phone because you don't trust me!! I AM so tired of the DOUBLE STANDARD! It's unfair!!" When you try to point out although it's a double standard, he's the favored one, he blows up even more.
2) When you have a concern/complaint and try to talk about it with your partner, he always takes it as a personal attack and refuses to sit down with you. If you express any dissatisfaction with anything, he'll respond:" What about you? You've done the same thing/similar things before!!" Then he goes on and bring up all the things you've done wrong. Eventually, all the wrongdoings from the first day you met each other will be brought up and the argument just becomes a big blowup. Last thing you realize is you are just arguing, but you don't even know what you arguing about anymore. When you finally try to bring the topic back on track, he tells you "I don't want to spend time arguing anymore", then he stands up and leaves. Then, you realize you haven't even had a chance to discuss the real issue with him. At the end of the day, you're only allowed to compliment him, otherwise he'll always shut you up by telling you what you've done wrong.
3) Whenever you are hurt, you are NOT allowed to have tears in your eyes. Crying is considered as some sort of mental illness by him. The more you feel hurt and just want to sit down and cry, the angrier he gets. Instead of hugging you and comforting you, he threatens to leave you if you don't stop crying. Then he uses his cellphone to record you crying so that "one day he can show to the judge in the courtroom as evidence of his wife's insanity." He says he's ever seen ANYBODY crying in his entire life.
4) He will never admit he ever starts a fight. He always blame on you because you aren't smiling enough, you always sound negative. He brings things happened 12 months ago into today's argument and use that as an example as why you are wrong TODAY.
5) when you're finally fed up with everything and getting ready to leave the relationship, he comes to you in tears and express how regretful he is and tell you that "I'm a human. Humans make mistakes. I know I have a lot of growing up to do, and I'm working on it." He begs you to stay, and tell you that there's nothing more a human can do other than learn from the mistakes.
6) When you feel too irresponsible to leave the relationship and decide to give it another shot, you realize everything just goes back to the same vicious circle...He'll still point out every fight as caused by you, and everything done wrong is because of you, and that your feelings shouldn't be considered because your feelings are always negative..etc...
I've never had this kind of argument with anyone before..is this normal? WHen I repeat his words to my parents, they said there's no way to even have a real conversation with someone like that. (my parents hate my husband's guts BTW)
Look. Stop going around in circles and cut to the chase. Read what you wrote yourself, above. No, none of this is normal. None of this is a healthy relationship.
You already KNOW this. You don't need to be told this. Go to a counselor for yourself, because there's something INSIDE OF YOU that allowed you to let yourself be treated this way, and you don't want to do it again.
First step--for the love of God, stop worrying about what this joker thinks/says/feels. What he thinks doesn't matter. What he says doesn't matter. What he does doesn't matter. He's NUTS.
Let me save you $150. Get the hell OUT of that relationship as fast as you can! That is NOT how someone treats a person they love. It will only escalate the longer you allow someone to treat you that way.
Thanks you, Three Wolves. I was trying to say it as directly as possible, but you did it even better than I.
He says he's ever seen ANYBODY crying in his entire life.
Your husband is a sociopath. Leave immediately.
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