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In search of myself, and of that special one o spend the rest of my life with, I'd like to learn from those who have succeeded in their relationships. How did you get there? where did you meet your SO? did you fall in love right away? How long did it take you to fall in love? Is your SO what you always dreamt about?
I met both of my husbands at work (different companies and different states). I was only 18 when I married husband #1 and fortunately we didn't have any children. We divorced after only 3 years. Met husband #2 five years later and it was definitely not love at first sight on my part but since we were coworkers we eventually became friends and then more. We met in June of '81 and had our first date the end of August that same year. It's what some people call "friendship that caught fire". I think those types of relationships tend to last longer because it's not based on the purely physical side although the physical side was smoking hot. :-)
We married in 1984, had 2 sons and were together until he died in 2010.
I met my second husband on OKCupid. My immediate reaction to seeing his profile photo come up in my search was "Wow! Great smile and dimples!" and then I was curious about our 96% match rating (it was bumped to 99% after I answered more questions). I was intrigued after reading the first few paragraphs of his profile. I didn't even make it to the halfway point before I excitedly sent him a message. I also hadn't looked at all of his pictures, either. I went back to read the rest of his profile and was enthralled. I thought "Holy ****! This guy is awesome!"
I loved, LOVED his profile. It was slightly longer than mine, and that was somethin' 'cause mine was really long. I loved long, detailed profiles. I looked at the rest of his pictures and thought he was so, so handsome. Super hot. The classic nerd/geek that looks like he came out of the MCU. The smile and dimples. (Our daughter got his dimples. )
But yeah, he messaged me back in disbelief that I existed. He had never came across a really high match, or anyone like me, in his 9 years of being on dating sites. So I was his needle in a haystack.
For us, things were intense and fast from the start. We both knew. It was an immediate connection on many levels. We eloped two months later. He's the best. We have a blast together. It's effortless with him. We "get" each other.
I was in a rather passionate 2 year relationship with another woman. My future wife was my roommate. We come from very different backgrounds (and our own issues) and never thought we would be anything more than just people sharing space and expenses. My 2 year relationship ended. We hung out more. Turned into something half way between friends and girlfriend. Kinda odd relationship. Took a long time to realize we didn't want to move on without each other.... our affection evolved over time. We both took our time.... living together.. learning about each other... figure things out.
She entered into my life about 22 years ago we've been married 15. Previous relationships were fast and exciting. I think taking it nice and slow worked out for the best for us. We've had a bit of struggles the past few years (stresses financially, medical etc). I believe that if we didn't invest the time to build that foundation in our relationship, our marriage may not have survived.
In search of myself, and of that special one o spend the rest of my life with, I'd like to learn from those who have succeeded in their relationships. How did you get there? where did you meet your SO? did you fall in love right away? How long did it take you to fall in love? Is your SO what you always dreamt about?
What someone else has experienced does not make one iota's difference in your life because their life is not your life.
Find yourself first, live your life and quit trying so hard to be in a relationship. You are clearly not ready.
We first met at school, but didn't start seeing each other until 5 years later. It got serious pretty quickly, got married 3 years later, eventually had kids, and have been married 16 years. I'd say that he is very very different from the kind of person I thought I would end up with, and he would say the same about me. But in a good way. We're opposites in a lot of ways, but similar where it counts.
What someone else has experienced does not make one iota's difference in your life because their life is not your life.
Find yourself first, live your life and quit trying so hard to be in a relationship. You are clearly not ready.
I'm starting to become more convinced of the fact that I am not ready for another commitment at this time. At the same time, my biological clock is ticking, and I would like to have children while I can. I may find myself 10 years later, but then it may be too late. Not sure what's the right thing to do.
In search of myself, and of that special one o spend the rest of my life with, I'd like to learn from those who have succeeded in their relationships. How did you get there? where did you meet your SO? did you fall in love right away? How long did it take you to fall in love? Is your SO what you always dreamt about?
I met my spouse a little while after coming out of a long-term, multi-year cohabiting relationship that ended very badly (lies/cheating/etc.). When I first moved out of my ex's house, I licked my wounds briefly, but really basically forced myself to continue to be social, while I recovered from the experience. That meant I did a bit of very casual dating, with no intention of getting into something new right away. After I felt like enough time had passed and healing was progressing, I started to think about getting back into the game as far as looking for a relationship. I didn't find much that fit the bill, at first. I had been doing okcupid when I was casually dating, so I just kept using that medium (also dated a guy from my workplace, but quickly decided that was not something that was a good idea at all).
I messaged my now-husband because he was a good writer, honestly, and because he wrote about a lot of things in his profile that really resonated with me in terms of what was important to him in life. I was slightly jaded, though, and figured that we'd probably meet, and there'd be no chemistry, but at least he seemed like a cool friend to make. Met at a neighborhood cafe, had high hopes that he'd be cool, but low hopes that it would come to much. Wrong. We talked at the cafe for several hours, until it closed. Then we went out to dinner the next night. Then I left town for ten days to visit family, and we talked every day while I was gone. Then I came home, and we've been together, since...we're now married and have a little boy.
I would say I knew I was in love with him when he did something very profound about three months into our relationship that showed me that he had amazing character. I knew we were infatuated, etc. before that, but I got a glimpse of real dedication and love, and I was sold, after that.
I didn't have a dream of "the ideal person," or a S.O. concept that I'd always dreamed about. People always surprise me, and most people I dated seriously had very little in common. Being very intelligent was about he only common thread. I don't have a type, other than "smart." I would say that my husband is by far the person I've had the most points of compatibility with, out of anybody I've ever known. Can't get much better than that.
I'm starting to become more convinced of the fact that I am not ready for another commitment at this time. At the same time, my biological clock is ticking, and I would like to have children while I can. I may find myself 10 years later, but then it may be too late. Not sure what's the right thing to do.
If you know you are not ready for a relationship what makes you think you are ready for children?
Your *biological clock* is ticking because society says it is, my Mother and Grandmother were pregnant at the same time twice. Obviously my Grandmother was at least 20 years older than my Mother who was 19 when I was born....
Forcing a relationship because you feel you're on a ticking clock to become a parent is about the worst thing you can do.
Live life as it comes. You can't force anything and have it work out.
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