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I don't understand the idea that a relationship is only about hanging out together and each person should be a completely independent and capable entity to themselves.
You don't? Really? Well, then, I'm sure people here know a few flakes and gold-diggers who'd love to make your acquaintance.
Fair enough. But we've all got our own strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes the best relationships are when our strengths and weaknesses complement the others and we can work together to do better than either can on their own. So if the OP is good with money and the girlfriend isn't, why shouldn't they work to his strengths in this area? Let her carry something that works to her strengths.
I don't understand the idea that a relationship is only about hanging out together and each person should be a completely independent and capable entity to themselves.
She is spending her money on other stuff, why should he have to pay for her shopping? They had an agreement.
If she were just "bad" at paying bills on time, sure, she can give him all the money so he can pay the bills. That's team work.
She doesn't have the money to give him because she spent it. SHE has made teamwork impossible.
They are not even married. Plus, she doesn't tell him in advance, she tells him months later when the damage is done and harder to repair.
Don't give me that "I'm a girl and math is hard" stuff.
We have teamwork in our marriage, I do "X" and he does "Y". When I say I'm going to do "X", I do it as agreed.
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Geez, people on this forum are unforgiving. Somehow I find it hard to believe that everyone here is such an excellent money manager when the average credit score is 687 (actually 30 points or so better than I would have guessed).
I think most relationships have one partner that is better with money than the other. So run with the idea to have her give you money and you pay the bills. Everyone wins. No point in letting this mess up an otherwise fine relationship (assuming it IS otherwise fine).
In my former marriage we each had an individual checking account and then there was a joint account. We each deposited X dollars into the joint account to cover the bills and whatever was left from our paychecks was ours to spend in our individual accounts. I controlled the joint account and paid the bills. The amount we each contributed was based on how much we each made, not an even split. No big deal, no fights.
Your partner was responsible. The OP's doesnt care.
What if she wouldn't have given you the money? No big deal either? And no fights?
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,153,374 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbaxters
My girlfriend and I are both 25, we have been dating a year and a half and lived together for 7 months now. The way we worked it out was I will pay her and my car as well as we go half on apartment rent while she pays the Internet, electric, water, her insurance and her credit card . The thing is 3 times now she has told me even months after the fact that cert bills haven't been paid. The last time it happened was this week.
I have told her if she needs help with bills to let me know and when I ask her why she didn't tell me she doesn't tell me why. Our electric has been turned off twice now. We make roughly the same but she will just casually bring up some of the bills are overdue.
Three strikes your out, right?
Leave her insurance and her credit card her responsibility, return to her the responsibility of her car payment. Honestly, once my electric went off once, Id be asking her about the electric & water bills monthly until I felt she was on top of them. Maybe you should take over the utilities yourself, especially if they aren't in her name.
I think you should be thankful that you've learned a lot about this woman. She is unreliable and can't keep her promises or commitments. Dump her now. Don't even consider marrying her or getting into any legal arrangements with her. She says she will pay bills and doesn't. That's enough to tell you she's a liar, unreliable, deceitful, etc, etc. If you marry this woman, you should have your head examined. She'll keep up the same behavior.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,153,374 times
Reputation: 3814
The way you took on her responsibility of the car payment sort of left the door open for her to be irresponsible, And, no, I'm not saying its your fault, I'm just saying that she knew you were handling most of the important stuff.
Where you did go wrong was not making sure she was doing what she agreed to do. If your utilities are shut off more than once, and you still aren't checking and/or reminding, that does place some blame on you. Its like living with an alcoholic who claims to be clean, and overlooking the beer cans strewn about the house.
If you love her, you don't have to dump her, but you should do everything you can to keep your finances separate from hers, to protect yourself. ONE of you needs to have a good credit rating, after all.
Since you guys are living together, but doing everything like you are just a couple roommates, maybe her head isn't really into 'us' yet. Maybe she can only be responsible for herself at this point in her life.
She is spending her money on other stuff, why should he have to pay for her shopping? They had an agreement.
If she were just "bad" at paying bills on time, sure, she can give him all the money so he can pay the bills. That's team work.
She doesn't have the money to give him because she spent it. SHE has made teamwork impossible.
They are not even married. Plus, she doesn't tell him in advance, she tells him months later when the damage is done and harder to repair.
Don't give me that "I'm a girl and math is hard" stuff.
We have teamwork in our marriage, I do "X" and he does "Y". When I say I'm going to do "X", I do it as agreed.
Ok, I can agree with what you're saying, but the OP never says that she did or did not have the money or even answered the "why." So we don't know for certain what's happening. Maybe she spent the money on other stuff. Maybe she let bills get behind and now with late fees and other stuff she just can't keep up. Maybe her car crapped out and needed to be repaired.
Guess this is why I've never really fought about money in a relationship cause I wouldn't have lost much sleep over this (well, maybe after 3 times, but I don't think I would've let it go after 2 times without just taking over all the bills and telling her how much to contribute).
My girlfriend and I are both 25, we have been dating a year and a half and lived together for 7 months now. The way we worked it out was I will pay her and my car as well as we go half on apartment rent while she pays the Internet, electric, water, her insurance and her credit card . The thing is 3 times now she has told me even months after the fact that cert bills haven't been paid. The last time it happened was this week.
...
Who's paying for the gas in the cars and the gas for the stove, oven, and heater?
Who's paying for the gas in the cars and the gas for the stove, oven, and heater?
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.....and food?
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Really? Well, then, I'm sure people here know a few flakes and gold-diggers who'd love to make your acquaintance.
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