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When I decided to try dating a few years after my wife left me following 25 years of marriage I had three iron-clad requirements for a woman if there was potential for new relationship. I didn't waver and eventually married a woman who met all of them. I'd advise you to hold firm, especially if there's a child involved.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by D217
Yeah, I think alot of people are often just too scared to leave their comfort zone.. and miss out on so much. I forget if the OP is still a virgin, but this could very well be his perfect weekend girl lol. A woman w/ her own life, who's available 'just enough' to still allow him time & space to himself.. ~ A beautiful woman with intellect & personality, come on Dissenter, opportunity's knockin you upside the head. Get it while the gettin is good.
This exactly why I'm considering pursuing this. Almost everything is perfect and this would allow me to be with someone I really like and not feel too restrained. I'm just not finding anyone I like enough to pursue down here in DC and many of my friends are in long-distance relationships and have the same issue with finding romantic partners here.
I think there will probably be a couple of opportunities for me to see her in person over summer during festival season (we have the same group of friends.) I think I'm going to continue getting to know her and will probably roll the dice later on.
In my book, it depends on the reason for the dealbreaker. Men with kids were a dealbreaker to me primarily because I would never be able to come first. Also, because the child's mother would (in most cisrcumstances) always be in the scenario. There were other reasons, too, but those were the main ones, and wouldn't be affected by the age of the child or the circumstances.
Historically, what is your reason for this "dealbreaker?" Is it because you think all single mothers are looking for someone to "play daddy," as mentioned in the OP? If so, then I'd say that's a wrongheaded generalization -- and that considering overturning the dealbreaker is not only appropriate, but a sign that you are becoming more open-minded.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick
In my book, it depends on the reason for the dealbreaker. Men with kids were a dealbreaker to me primarily because I would never be able to come first. Also, because the child's mother would (in most cisrcumstances) always be in the scenario. There were other reasons, too, but those were the main ones, and wouldn't be affected by the age of the child or the circumstances.
Historically, what is your reason for this "dealbreaker?" Is it because you think all single mothers are looking for someone to "play daddy," as mentioned in the OP? If so, then I'd say that's a wrongheaded generalization -- and that considering overturning the dealbreaker is not only appropriate, but a sign that you are becoming more open-minded.
Good luck.
The main reason for the dealbreaker is because I didn't want any kids of my own. I just don't believe I would be suited as a father. But this case, I wouldn't need to be a father necessarily because her child's father is an active presence so that would not be a lot of pressure on me.
The main reason for the dealbreaker is because I didn't want any kids of my own. I just don't believe I would be suited as a father. But this case, I wouldn't need to be a father necessarily because her child's father is an active presence so that would not be a lot of pressure on me.
Sounds like you are answering your own question. Good luck and I hope she is feelin' you as well!
How old is her son? One thing to keep in mind, as kids become older, they become more independent - a teenage boy is not going to require, nor want, as much attention from his mom as a 6 year old will.
I say go for it. You've been around long enough to know dating blows chunks. How long have you been waiting to meet someone and do you want to give this a shot or wait who knows how long again to meet someone else?
My LH met every single one of my deal breakers. Had I not listened to the little voice that said "maybe you should give this a chance," I would have missed out on 8 great years with a man who was nothing like what I thought I wanted but absolutely perfect for me.
I met a woman last year in my favorite habitat, a major music festival. We met and talked super briefly and we became friends on FB. She lives three states North of me. She has picked my brain on a few matters since she knows I used to work in finance. She makes a lot of Snapchat videos which I find hilarious. She is also college-educated and very intelligent and we have the same taste in music. Also she physically is very attractive. Tall, plus-sized woman. She has a lot of what I want in a woman right?
The cause to pause? She has a child. Now anyone who knows me here knows this is a major deal breaker for me typically. But the reason I have not retired this possibility is because of the circumstances. The child is a little older and the father in this situation is actively involved, so she is probably not looking for someone to play daddy and her child seems well adjusted and behaved.
It could be very possible that one thing that attracts me to this women shockingly enough is that she is very independent and raising her son as a single parent very well. She reminds me of how my mother raised me absent the involved father. While me and my own mother don't have the greatest relationship, I respect her highly for what she had to do to raise me. I think that is my attraction to this woman, she handles business and is strong.
So CD, know I'm a little crazy, but would it be crazy for me to drop one major dealbreaker and pursue someone historically I would not have pursued because I really like her?
I don't know about the "three states to the north" part. How are you going to make that work logistically?
While single, I dated a few gals with kids, but both of us knew from the git-go that I was not going to play daddy, especially financially. I did take the kids out to eat occasionally, stuff like that.
I guess, if you have no other potential dates that are child-free and closer, maybe you can start off with her in a casual way, see what happens.
The main reason for the dealbreaker is because I didn't want any kids of my own. I just don't believe I would be suited as a father. But this case, I wouldn't need to be a father necessarily because her child's father is an active presence so that would not be a lot of pressure on me.
While not the "father figure" if you become serious, you will be a part of this child's life and vice versa. How old is the child?
Go for it. Atleast see how it goes - if complications arise early on then you can part ways. Aside from the kid, if in other aspects you feel good about her, no reason to not pursue.
This exactly why I'm considering pursuing this. Almost everything is perfect and this would allow me to be with someone I really like and not feel too restrained. I'm just not finding anyone I like enough to pursue down here in DC and many of my friends are in long-distance relationships and have the same issue with finding romantic partners here.
I think there will probably be a couple of opportunities for me to see her in person over summer during festival season (we have the same group of friends.) I think I'm going to continue getting to know her and will probably roll the dice later on.
Sounds great. A situation like that will allow you to go slow & get your feet wet, rather than just dive headfirst into a full-on relationship.. All in all, meeting someone you think is amazing is sooo rare these days, and to whatever extent, should be experienced, honored & enjoyed! Besides, "Summer Love" is the best! Good luck man!
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