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Its been my experience, that when a spouse feels the 7year itch, 99.95% of the time, a third person is revealing to that spouse, how unhappy their marriage has been.
Hmmmmm....girl. You're a little older now, know yourself more now, probably feel a little more confident. Someone has probably been making you feel like a hot girl and now you wanna reciprocate. Anytime you start getting attached to someone else, you're spouse becomes...less. Oh...the wicked heart. Ask him for an open marriage or divorce. I don't see you becoming wildly attracted to him anytime soon.
This has happened to me so many times in the past - which is why I was never in any rush to get married. Once attraction turns into repulsion, it's done & dusted. There is just no going back (for me) . . . I don't know what else to say, but if there are no children involved, I'd leave. No point in being miserable if there aren't kids keeping you stuck there..
6 years of marriage and you realize you are not attracted to your husband, because he has settled down and not out to impress other woman.
I take the marriage vow thing pretty damn serious. Wouldn't it be nice if one day we looked around and saw other "hot" men and compared them to our middle aged, cranky husband, and thought, meh. I'm not attracted to him because I lust after the guy next door who is "hot." Or I take notice of the "hot" bag boy at the grocery store and I want that.
After 6 years of marriage, I have decided that this is not what I want. Good God man. Maybe you need to have a talk with your cranky husband about how bored you are, and you need a change.
Look at the reasons he's become cranky, and if they can be solved, is there a chance you'd then be attracted to him? If not, then the best thing for both of you is to divorce (and not cheat until you've filed and moved out, at least).
I was interested in his personality at the time. He was generous, kind, and friendly. Nothing else mattered. I came from a broken family and he had the compassion. Now he is always cranky, penny pincher, and always want things his way.
I think it's to the fact you've essentially outgrown him. Your previous threads on your husband show a lot of deference on your part and a lot of paternalism from him. Would you consider marriage counseling? Sounds like there's been a huge shift in dynamics and you guys need to know if it's salvageable.
Is it true once the attraction is gone, you can never get it back especially if i was never physically attracted to him in the first place?
Most definitely yes. His personality won't be enough to make up for physical attraction.
Even if he's still as kind and generous as ever, the truth is you still will lost attraction to him. You'd still be attracted to every hot guy you see. You'll still wonder why you married him in the first place.
I see from earlier posts that you are a stay-at-home mom. Do you still have a part-time job? A lot of men derive their self-worth from their ability to provide for the family. If you are struggling financially or even if he just worries you are, that can have a big impact on him. When you say he's a penny pincher, is he resisting buying things you and the kids really need? Is he putting money in savings or paying off credit cards? You describe him as generous when you were first together, but was that really sustainable? The #1 thing couples usually fight about is money. What are your fights about?
I vote for this....
Whenever threads about marriage in regards to sex/attraction dwindling it is easy to think infidelity.... (a reflection of one's own experiences?) I wouldn't even entertain that until you've really looked at other possible reasons.
Anger from feeling trapped and conflicted. Husbands feel it is their obligation to support the family. In return, they want to feel a sense of being the provider and father. If you take away the later, it can feel like feeling imprisoned between wanting to run away to seek happiness versus one's responsibility towards the family.
My mom was never really that interested in my dad, but they're still together 30+ years later. They have basically just been roommates for decades and she's in her 60s now and still has a wandering eye. She's interested in some guy on her job who sounds lame to me, but she's forever searching for the "true love" that she never found with my dad.
How sad to be with someone that you are not interested in for that long period of time.
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