Sigh (married, guy, attracted, child)

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by old_cold

Because with Just a Guy, it's always a case of having a bad picker and it's caused by having a bad father figure.

There are a handful of posters here that can't post anything without snark. I'm going to start calling them out on it more.

[old_cold]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

There are a handful of posters here that can't post anything without snark. I'm going to start calling them out on it more.

To be fair, in his case I don't think it's snark. It seems to be more of a fixation on bad or absent daddies.
A personal problem, you think?

[jaypee]

Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan

Yes I was going to go...by myself.

I had a change of plans and decided not to go based on the weather forecast there. I decided to stay back and relax.

Honestly it was when I got a text from him that I decided to end things. He was talking about his plans for the weekend and on a whim I said to myself "what's the point of dating at all if we do all these things separately?"

I do pretty much all of my traveling alone now.

"Il privilegio di saper stare bene da soli ti regala quello più pregiato: di poter scegliere con chi stare"

You can translate these (Italian) words yourself ...

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

Reread what she posted here and tell me how you figure she has a pattern of picking the wrong or unavailable type of men.

How could you possibly glean that from her OP???

Because that's exactly what she said:

"none of the people I've dated over the past decade have ended up wanting anything serious, "

Thats pretty much the definition of not being available.

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

There are a handful of posters here that can't post anything without snark. I'm going to start calling them out on it more.

Maybe you should read more carefully before calling people out.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

Maybe you should read more carefully before calling people out.

Nothing she said indicates that she's got a bad picker. People often aren't as upfront about their intentions especially in long term situations hear about it all the time. People can't read minds and it take time to find out if someone is indeed lying.

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

Nothing she said indicates that she's got a bad picker. People often aren't as upfront about their intentions especially in long term situations hear about it all the time. People can't read minds and it take time to find out if someone is indeed lying.

One or two or even three times maybe. Tens years worth...nope.

[RbccL]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

One or two or even three times maybe. Tens years worth...nope.

Which part logically indicates an absent father though, single for 10 years? What about 5 years? Does it matter if maybe the one picked didn't turn out to be a good long term match, or is it only if the one "picked" didn't want a serious relationship?

Will it be due to an absentee father that the person had a decent committed relationship for a couple of years then lost that loving feeling...or is it only when one is cheated on that they're looking to continue the absenteeism of their father?

This is too much of a blanket statement, and sometimes it's not true. Maybe sometimes it is true, but that could also be coincidence.

The people posting here who are asking for suggestions are for the most part single. Are all single people then "damaged with broken pickers, due to absentee fathers", or what exactly are your parameters when coming to this conclusion on a case by case basis? Which long time single people in your equation have good pickers?

Your logic seems to indicate that if one simply quits looking for a relationship, that means they are mentally healthy because they had a good relationship with a present father, and they no longer need a man for anything, because daddy didn't go away when they were little.

Edit to add: OP, it took you getting to know the pattern of this relationship to decide it wasn't what you wanted. You made the right decision. One day you may meet someone you want to have a LTR with and things will fall into place.
You are not broken, and nothing is wrong with you.
Good luck!

[southkakkatlantan]

Originally Posted by jaypee

"Il privilegio di saper stare bene da soli ti regala quello più pregiato: di poter scegliere con chi stare"

You can translate these (Italian) words yourself ...

I did...I didn't quite get all of it though.

[southkakkatlantan]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

Because that's exactly what she said:

"none of the people I've dated over the past decade have ended up wanting anything serious, "

Thats pretty much the definition of not being available.

I should have stated:


"none of the people I've dated over the past decade have ended up wanting anything serious with me "


Most of these men have been in perfectly healthy committed relationships at some point(s) in their lives.


Maybe it's a timing and/or luck thing with me...I have had a couple of men that wanted to be in relationships with me but I simply could not because I didn't feel the same way for them.


And somehow I have ended up on the other end...where the men I have developed feelings for/wanted to be exclusive with just so happened to not have wanted the same with me. (Seems like a cruel joke life is playing on me at times.)