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I never have any time apart from my boyfriend and I'm starting to feel like it's turning into a source of stress for me...
We both work the same hours and travel to and from work together. He never goes out and is also clingy and I'm starting to feel stressed, I'd just like to have some time alone.
I'm really not asking for that much, I love him and the boyfriend that he is to me. But, as we both work exactly the same days and hours, I'd just like for him to go out for a few hours a week so that I can enjoy the apartment by myself. I'd like to do things like listen to my favourite music and glam myself up for him. I know it wouldn't be difficult for him to go out, he could go rollerskating (his favourite hobby), or go to the gym or go grcoery shopping for us. I'd even settle for him taking a half an hour walk or long bath in the bathroom (however, he is incredibly quick when he bathes and is in and out to 5-minutes).
He can also be very clingy, for example he loves the idea of us working together and has reccmommended me for a job at his workplace. A more recent example, tonight we were walking back home from the train station after work. The train station is a ten minute walk from our apartment and there's a supermarket on the way. I asked him if he'd mind dropping in the supermarket for us, as I wasn't feelling very well and wanted to walk straight home, he responded that he didn't want to go alone and then he tried to persuade me that it would only take me five minutes to go with him.
I just want him to understand that it's SOMETIMES better for us to do things for each other or alone and to have time separately. I feel like it's good for my mental well-being, I feel calmer amd more in control of myself whenever I have had some time alone (with him out of the house, which just about happens one every 3 months). It's also good for him to do favours for me, but he constantly wants to do things together.
I don't feel like this is normal. We are constantly in the apartment at the same time, BEFORE work, AFTER work and every weekend. I'm sure that for most couples it's very common for the other one to be out.
He also used to go out nearly every friday night after work with his colleagues, however he's stopped doing this and has instead started offering suggestions for us to go out together after work. I feel awful for hating how he does this, but I used to love having friday nights alone, I could destress, and relax and recharge after a week of work and get ready for our weekend. I felt like I was a much better girlfriend when I had a couple of hours to recharge by myself. It added a spark to our relationship. I was able to glam myself up and take care of myself, it felt so healthy and normal and I loved having this time to myself.
I don't know how to resolve this, it's not like I can even mention this to him. I can't demand that he goes out on friday nights, I can't shoot his suggestions for us having a friday night together down, I can't demand that he's out of the house, at the same time I'm desperate for space, we used to be in a long-distance relationship before this, and I had plently of time by myself I was much happier and felt more in control of myself and my life.
I'm thinking of asking my manager if I can change my work hours, just so that I can have a few hours a week alone.
Yeah...I totally get this. Everyone needs alone time. And it is actually quite impractical and inefficient to do EVERYTHING together. If I can do the grocery shopping while you go to the post office, dry cleaner, etc. then we both win more down time.
Apart time allows you to "miss" each other even if for a few hours. And frankly, I have some girl/glam stuff that I want to do when I'm alone rather than having to hole up in the bathroom! Just get out and play golf for a few hours already! lol
Don't push him away and don't make him feel like you don't want him anymore.
If you need space talk to him about it without hurting his feelings.
However don't be rude be mature about it.
Theres times I need alone time too only for a couple hours thou I actually like clingly woman althou not everyone does.
Do you guys work together AT work?
Yeow thats a bit too insane !!
Does he have any movies or video games maybe he likes I know i do?
Those kinds of things keep me busy even my fav tv show?
You might as well tell him you need some alone time. If you're not able to resolve this in a satisfactory manner, you will ultimately have to break up. There's no middle ground.
In some ways this might be a good thing. You might not be right for each other.
I never have any time apart from my boyfriend and I'm starting to feel like it's turning into a source of stress for me...
We both work the same hours and travel to and from work together. He never goes out and is also clingy and I'm starting to feel stressed, I'd just like to have some time alone.
I just want him to understand that it's SOMETIMES better for us to do things for each other or alone and to have time separately. I feel like it's good for my mental well-being, I feel calmer amd more in control of myself whenever I have had some time alone (with him out of the house, which just about happens one every 3 months). It's also good for him to do favours for me, but he constantly wants to do things together.
This is me. I don't live with my BF, and this is one reason why. I probably need more alone time than most people, but my BF rarely, if ever, wants any. We get along well, but in this area we are very different. He knows I need space, and sometimes he grumps about it, but he knows I get stressed if I don't have my time to do my own stuff (gym, yardwork, whatever) so when I am feeling the stress, I tell him. You need to sit your fella down and talk to him. Tell him living together is not going to work if you can't get some healthy "me time" in.
I know exactly how he feels. He has anxiety which I do as well. Whenever my wife isn't around I feel anxious and never want her to be alone for fear something will happen to her and it will be my fault. When I used to work and she was at home I would worry from the minute I left to the minute I got home. When we were dating and she was at her home and I was at mine I wouldn't call for fear she wouldn't answer and that something had happened to her. I would call her every night and worry all night that something might happen to her. And when I called in the morning and she didn't pickup I feared something had happened to her. I even installed a security system which helped a bit and I couldn't go to sleep until she armed it and I heard the beeps over the phone. I know it was irrational and foolish but I can't help it. Now that we are married and living in the same house, I still worry and have anxiety when she isn't close by. I try and not be so anxious and its getting a bit better but its not an easy thing to deal with. Its also not something he would bring up because it would make him look weak and clingy. I would also preface this by my wife, before we were married, was harassed and threatened by an ex acquaintance. I have always been this way and only in later life began to recognize this.
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