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From my reading it seems the OP has only hit the glass ceiling but is still employed, making a good salary. He probably fears a major financial hit if they divorce and he's saddled with a 50% loss, plus child support. Taking a mistress is a temporary fix. Eventually something has to give way.
Since he's still young, he should get his divorce and rebuild his life now. I'm not condoning his attitude, just making a suggestion.
Maybe I'm weird but I'd rather take a financial hit and be able to face myself every day than keep the status quo (plus a side piece) and be a dirtbag. I was in that position, and yes - I am broke but content. Lol
First of all I'm sorry to have brought realationships into this forum but realize that once you have a family, a move and a relationship is related.
True facts. (Based on some of your comments)
1. I'm not making any of this up. It's all true. I'm an educated engineer.
2. At first there was lots of intimacy while I was finishing up college then all of a sudden there was nothing but anger. What did I do? I spoke badly of her family and didn't do chores around the house. I have done nothing else that warrants her behavior.
3. A part of me actually wonders if the person I married is long gone and what I have now is just a body double, maybe even an alien. Ok now I'm being imaginative.
4. She actually hits me. But this hasn't happened in a while. She's sort of happy now cause we spent thousands of dollars renovating the house. But still not enough for intimacy. She thinks intimacy is for procreation only and there is no need for it otherwise.
But thank all of you really. I will probably stay close to my family whether I move to Raleigh (then I'll bring them with me), go to Santa Monica (visit on the weekends) or stay where I am.
Move to Raleigh and find a cheap round tripper to fly the son in as often as you can.
My sister and her hubby split and she brought the son down to TX while the ex stayed in Delaware. The kiddo stayed in DE during the summer and saw pops plenty. He has two awesome uncles to jump him if he ever got out of line, but it never got to that. Support structure, ftw.
You have cellphones, Skype, et al. You won't be absent.
If you have to fork out for child support and alimony, at least be out of a festering dungheap like Cali. Besides, NC isn't the sausagefest Cali is. You could win there.
If I were you, I'd get a divorce. My friends who had divorced parents were way more scarred by their parents' fighting/animosity than they were by the actual separation. You're also still pretty young and if this woman isn't right for you, you should find someone who makes you happy. What would be better for your son... to have a depressed/resentful father who's there all the time or a happy father who is joyful each time he sees his child. Just my opinion, and I am not a parent, but I was a child once. I know a separation "does the job" too but considering your wife has spent so much money on the house already (and you seem to be slightly disapproving), why do you want to be financially responsible for her spending indefinitely?
On dating... keep in mind it may be easier for you to meet women your age in LA than Raleigh, which is more family-oriented (especially if you live in the suburbs). You really need to visit if you want to consider this... not knocking Raleigh at all but those types of 'burbs aren't everyone's cup of tea. I'd choose LA in your position simply because it might be easier to date, you'd be closer to your son, and I do think you can afford it. You don't need to live in Santa Monica to work there, obviously.
You seem more worried about how much money you make and how big your penis is more than anything. You can live a better life than what you have now in a lower cost of living area, even though you're making less money. People do it all the time and thats why the metros in states like NC are growing. Why make such a drastic move though clear to the east coast and be so far from family?
Last edited by wanderlust76; 10-02-2016 at 12:17 PM..
I hear you. I know a 11 year old boy needs a father but hear me out here. And BTW he's closer to his mom. I guess I can say this since I'm anonymous anyway but I've kissed my wife maybe 5 times in the last 2 years. And if the kiss lasts for more than half a second; that is, the micro-second she thinks I'm enjoying it, she pushes me away. I cannot live like this, I'm lonely even though I have a family. I still get looks from college girls but I've never crossed the line. Most guys wouldn't last 6 months like this but I've lasted years.
What does kissing or not kissing your wife have anything to do with a boy needing his father? You've never even once expressed love, concern, or ANY emotion for your son on this thread.
Or I could just abandon my family here and find a new life in NC and hopefully they will still be covered in medical in blue shield or whatever (cause you guys don't have Kaiser over there). !
You are asking a group of Internet strangers whether you should abandon your 11 y.o. son for a few thousand dollar pay increase. You want us to help you cost-justify this decision? WTF
What does kissing or not kissing your wife have anything to do with a boy needing his father? You've never even once expressed love, concern, or ANY emotion for your son on this thread.
I agree ^^^. The OP comes off as pretty selfish and cold, and mainly concerned with how much money he can make. My advice - do your family a favor and move to Raleigh. Make sure you at least provide plenty of financial help since I don't think you can provide any emotional help here. Not everyone is meant to be married or have a family.
IDK, but even if the Mr. and I were to hit the skids, I can't image either one of us making a drastic move, no matter how much we might want to, or how much lower the cost of living might be. Your kid needs you more than a few weeks out if the year.
You sound like a horrible father. Just being honest. Perhaps I'll get infracted for this but you really sound like a horrible father. No matter what happens between me and my husband - neither one of us would EVER abandon our children.
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I know a separation "does the job" too but considering your wife has spent so much money on the house already (and you seem to be slightly disapproving), why do you want to be financially responsible for her spending indefinitely?
