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So, you are working on wife #2, both of whom fly off the handle for no good reason (per your side).
What is the common denominator here?
Between myself and my friends, I can only think of one or two couples who bicker over small...minutiae, and their bickering lasts about the length of a commercial break.
Have you asked either of them why they react the way they do?
How do you react when they do something you don't like?
Takes two to tango.
No. I never said the ex flew off the handle for no good reason. No. The ex was a totally different beast. That was 20 years ago.
I think my wife now takes after her mother in regards to getting angry and staying angry for a long time. Her mother can stay angry for a week or so.
Plus I'm just asking if there are any husbands going through the same sort of thing and how they deal with it. Not really looking to analyze the situation. I never waste a nice day being angry at petty, trivial stuff. I've learned to not sweat the petty stuff.
No. I never said the ex flew off the handle for no good reason. No. The ex was a totally different beast. That was 20 years ago.
I think my wife now takes after her mother in regards to getting angry and staying angry for a long time. Her mother can stay angry for a week or so.
Plus I'm just asking if there are any husbands going through the same sort of thing and how they deal with it. Not really looking to analyze the situation. I never waste a nice day being angry at petty, trivial stuff. I've learned to not sweat the petty stuff.
Before you married, were you aware that this would happen? If you saw her mother do it, you'd have to expect the daughter she raised would have learned that behavior.
Before you married, were you aware that this would happen? If you saw her mother do it, you'd have to expect the daughter she raised would have learned that behavior.
Ok, I'll name a few things. One time I parked the car no more than 1 foot away from the curb. (Pettiness)
In another incident, I had to use the bathroom really bad because the last meal was going through me, so as I pulled into the driveway I jumped out of the car, ran into the house to the bathroom. In my mad dash to the toilet, I didn't make sure to prop the door open so someone else could come in after me and the door locked. She was inconvenienced to use the key she had in her pocket. It's not like I locked her out. I spent the rest of the day apologizing profusely but alas the day AND night was crap.
Another time I got a ticket in the mail. The ticket was for travelling briefly in the HOV lane. The ticket was for a whole 45 cents. She was on me about that for an entire day and even cancelled our plans for the day claiming I ruined the day. (Trivial)
I guess she gets too mad at things that don't warrant such a high level of anger. We never fight or shout at eachother or anything like that. These things happen very seldom. But when they do it's intense.
Have the two of you talked about the impact of her outbursts on you and your relationship? Considering her upbringing, I doubt she considers her behavior to be out of line.
Such over-reactive behavior may be due to one or more of the following:
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Bipolar Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
or some other mental or personality disorder.
The first step one must take when one is an enabler or codependent is acceptance of the reality of the situation.
The next step should be counseling. I recommend starting with couples' counseling. If she is unwilling to attend that, then individual counseling for you would be the next best thing. The value of the latter is development of coping strategies and objective determination regarding whether or not to continue the relationship.
Sounds like the OP didn't vet this woman before deciding to marry her.
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