Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Write him a letter. Honestly. There is no rule that says you get closure. Most of the time, you DON'T. The fact that you don't get this, and can't "let go" are reasons someone might describe you as "crazy".
GTFU, and move on.
Well after dealing with someone for 4yrs & then suddenly not having them there anymore. Regardless of the romantic aspect of the relationship we had a friendship first. He's been someone in my life for the past 4yrs that I could call or reach out to when ever I needed. & now to just not have that anymore just like that & to not even be able to express how it affects me is hard. It's not like he was just some guy that I met & started hookin up with. He had been a constant person in my life that I truly cared about.. & it just sucks to not have it anymore. But yeah I won't hit him up.. I'll chuck it up to a L. But I don't thnk it makes me crazy that I haven't got over it yet.. Sh*ts hard & it's goin to take a while.
My whole thing is I don't want to be with him like that anymore. But I do want him to knw how he made me feel in the situation. He claims to still love me & care about me so I just want him to knw like you made some one you supposedly love feel like **** & showed no remorse for it.
Quit drinking. Re-read your original post....underline all the drinking related incidents. That is the problem, fix that.
When someone acts all crazy and dramatic most people run away. That is what he is trying to do.
When someone tells you they don't want a relationship, it means they don't want a relationship. Don't keep going back for more.....that is called volunteering, in this case volunteering to be treated like a friends with benefits.
Concentrate on school....That is where you should focus your energy right now. When you've cleared up your mind from drinking and spending your time on unnecessary drama you will feel better emotionally and physically. And your life will be on a better course.
One day you'll look back and wonder what you ever saw in this guy.
Your obsessive need to corner him and blast him about YOUR feelings, for YOUR closure, knowing he doesn't give a damn, is bizarre.
It's very selfish, attention-seeking behavior.
So is your need to argue with every single poster on this thread.
What would happen if you just faded out? Cut him off silently, stopped thinking about him, and stopped answering this thread?
Could your ego handle it?
Literally not an ego thing. I'm answering the thread because that was the point of me posting in the first place! To get advice & when people make depthless comments i like to knw why they thnk that. Obviously me wanted to get my feelings out would be selfish because I'd be doin it for me! & feel free to not respond, we'll see if my ego can take it 😉.
Quit drinking. Re-read your original post....underline all the drinking related incidents. That is the problem, fix that.
When someone acts all crazy and dramatic most people run away. That is what he is trying to do.
When someone tells you they don't want a relationship, it means they don't want a relationship. Don't keep going back for more.....that is called volunteering, in this case volunteering to be treated like a friends with benefits.
Concentrate on school....That is where you should focus your energy right now. When you've cleared up your mind from drinking and spending your time on unnecessary drama you will feel better emotionally and physically. And your life will be on a better course.
One day you'll look back and wonder what you ever saw in this guy.
There were only 2 drinking related incidents. & both time were social gatherings. One was a party & the other was after a drinking game we played. I'm super emotional so sometimes when I drink they are intensified. But I don't thnk drinkin its self is my problem just for the simple fact I don't drink often.. Social yes, but even then that's only a couple of times a month if that. But I get what you are saying I'm gonna just try to put the bs out of my mind & get back on track with everything else in my life. Thanks for your input!
Literally not an ego thing. I'm answering the thread because that was the point of me posting in the first place! To get advice & when people make depthless comments i like to knw why they thnk that. Obviously me wanted to get my feelings out would be selfish because I'd be doin it for me! & feel free to not respond, we'll see if my ego can take it 😉.
I would not advice you to write him a letter, he has proven that he is not a noble guy and you never know what he might do with this letter, later on ....!
Just chill, Lolalove, don't get into contact with him, it can do only harm, wait it out, concentrate on your studies, and wait what happens, be passive regarding him, if he does not contact you, then it was not meant to be.
If you want to vent, what really helps, vent to US here on CD, we listen..........
I would not advice you to write him a letter, he has proven that he is not a noble guy and you never know what he might do with this letter, later on ....!
Just chill, Lolalove, don't get into contact with him, it can do only harm, wait it out, concentrate on your studies, and wait what happens, be passive regarding him, if he does not contact you, then it was not meant to be.
If you want to vent, what really helps, vent to US here on CD, we listen..........
Thanks for that. & honestly after talking to you all here I really don't want to reach out anymore. I just want to be done with everything bc all honestly I feel like a complete fool for this whole situation I let myself partake in. At this point I just want nothing more to do with it. Obviously I'm not going to get over everything in a night but I'm going to focus on me and my own happiness for awhile. Thanks for your advice!
Thanks for that. & honestly after talking to you all here I really don't want to reach out anymore. I just want to be done with everything bc all honestly I feel like a complete fool for this whole situation I let myself partake in. At this point I just want nothing more to do with it. Obviously I'm not going to get over everything in a night but I'm going to focus on me and my own happiness for awhile. Thanks for your advice!
You are amazing, you sound now so composed and confident, great, Lolalove, in such a short time.
Every day that passes and you were strong and did not contact him will make you stronger, more confident and more independent and soon he will be out of our mind, he really did not deserve you!
You will be positive and free and happy again, looking forward to your next relationship, hopefully a better one, what you deserve. Choose wisely, and good luckl!
I didn't read the whole thread, but I read most of the Original Post. I got the gist.
That guy was using you and you let him. It is none of your business if he has another girlfriend but you clearly stated that you wanted to be exclusive if you were going to be intimate. He didn't want that so you settled.
The part that alarmed me was the fear of abandonment. That is your problem when you beg him to stay and plead and cry when maybe you don't even want him. You don't want this guy who lies and carries on but something inside of you reacts strongly to abandonment. That is why you wouldn't let him leave.
That is crazy. I am not saying it is certifiable but it unhealthy behavior in a relationship and you have to deal with that so that you can move on to a healthy relationship, and not with him.
You can be friends someday maybe but not today. The feelings have to go away and that requires no contact.
You have work to do on you. I don't think you are crazy but you have an issue. Recognize it and don't let that pattern of behavior destroy future relationships.
You have to learn to love yourself. I know that sounds corny and it is but the self-acceptance and strength to be you and not need another person to complete you or to tell you how you feel, is the key. Be you and be strong. You can share your life with a partner but they can't rescue you. You have to rescue yourself. If they have different relationship styles then they aren't for you .
If you want monogamy and they don't then that won't work. You don't want to control anybody but you do get to control yourself and say what compromise you find acceptable. Everybody is different, but people should be allowed to have privacy and friends of the opposite sex. You knew he was carrying on so you had no business looking at his phone. You didn't need proof and what good did it do?
You want a partnership, not a dictatorship or a lying ship...
I didn't read the whole thread, but I read most of the Original Post. I got the gist.
That guy was using you and you let him. It is none of your business if he has another girlfriend but you clearly stated that you wanted to be exclusive if you were going to be intimate. He didn't want that so you settled.
The part that alarmed me was the fear of abandonment. That is your problem when you beg him to stay and plead and cry when maybe you don't even want him. You don't want this guy who lies and carries on but something inside of you reacts strongly to abandonment. That is why you wouldn't let him leave.
That is crazy. I am not saying it is certifiable but it unhealthy behavior in a relationship and you have to deal with that so that you can move on to a healthy relationship, and not with him.
You can be friends someday maybe but not today. The feelings have to go away and that requires no contact.
You have work to do on you. I don't think you are crazy but you have an issue. Recognize it and don't let that pattern of behavior destroy future relationships.
You have to learn to love yourself. I know that sounds corny and it is but the self-acceptance and strength to be you and not need another person to complete you or to tell you how you feel, is the key. Be you and be strong. You can share your life with a partner but they can't rescue you. You have to rescue yourself. If they have different relationship styles then they aren't for you .
If you want monogamy and they don't then that won't work. You don't want to control anybody but you do get to control yourself and say what compromise you find acceptable. Everybody is different, but people should be allowed to have privacy and friends of the opposite sex. You knew he was carrying on so you had no business looking at his phone. You didn't need proof and what good did it do?
You want a partnership, not a dictatorship or a lying ship...
The whole situation with the ex girl girlfriend that upset me at the time was that we are supposed to be honest with each other about what goes on with the other ppl we talk to. He ask me about other guys as well. It's just during that time I didn thnk it would be right me conversing with another guy while he was visiting. I also didn expect him to be conversing with another girl bc he's never done it before.. Usually when we are together we have each other's undivided. So with him leaving out to talk to the girl through me for a loop bc he's telling me oh it's not that serious I don't mess with her like that I only talk to her out of connivence & all this stuff.. But then I tell him it bothers me that he's talkin to her & he continues. So I'm thnkin he must be lying about how serious it is since he's not takin my feelings into consideration . So that's why I looked at his phne. I knw it was wrong I'm not even trying to justify that... But him & how much he "values" honesty & I just didn feel like he was being honest. Another thing that gets me about the situation was if it had been me talking to another guy while he was there he would have lost his sh*t.. I would've been the most disrespectful person in the world to him.
& yes I do have some abondimebt issues.. That's something I do knw about myself. That's another reason I don't get close to ppl often. He was the first guy in 4 1/2 years that I truly cared about. & the thng is I did want him as foolish as that may sound. Bc it wasn't until that weekend that I realized I had been lied too & at the time I didn thnk about how much he probably was lying about other things as well... I also was still under the impression that we were only intimate with each other.. That's why I continued the sexual relationship with him.. But for all I knw now he lied about that too.
I also feel as though I wouldn't have acted that way I did if he didn have attachment issues. I knw his mentality of being in situations that don't make him happy.. He is the type of person that would stop talkin to you over anything you do that he doesn't like basically.. He doesn't know how to handle being mad at someone or someone being mad at him, he'd rather just leave then to talk about it.. He's the type of person that believes everyone in his life is disposable.. His parents his siblings.. Everybody & it's sad. So me begging him to stay I really just didn want him to leave while we weren't on good terms.. At least stay so we could make things right. Bc I figured if he leaves like this I'd never talk to him again.. Even though that turned out happening to.
Also you're right I definitely need to work on myself.. I knw that as well bc when it comes to relationships I am a bit immature & don't know how to handle certain situations bc I haven't had many relationships during my adult life. & I do love myself I just got caught up in someone I thght that was just so great & he treated me so well in the beginning & I loved how open he was about everything o thght I didn have to worry about hm lying to me. & it's crazy cuz I used to thnk like when does he even have time to spend with the other girl when we talk all day & all night everyday... Now after the way he acted here I'm like he must talk to me while he's with her as well..smh so that means he'd be lying to me while we talk n stuff too.
Like yeah I didn't want to lose him in my life just bc he's been such a constant person there for all this time .. It's not like I looked to him for happiness .. I know very well I can perfectly happy with out him it's just at the time I didn want to be...
Even me wanting to talk to him after the fact about how I felt about the situation I wanted to let him know how much he hurt me.. That wasn't about me wanting him back & now after talking about this whole situation multiple times w/ ppl with different opinions & perspectives I really don't even want a friendship bc the lack of respect that I was given in the situation just showed the lack of friendship that was actually there I guess I was just blinded by love or something 🙄.
Obviously I'm not gonna get over the situation in a day but everyday it gets a little bit easier. I still have love for him & want him to be very happy & stuff.. Bc he's really not a bad guy this was a messed up situation & I got the short end of the stick here.. But I still believe he's a good guy w/ a beautiful heart. I see the thngs he does for others & how he does go out of his way for ppl he cares about I unfortunately wasn't really one of those ppl.
All in all thanks so much for your input , you made some valid points & I will definitely be takin your advice! Thank you! Btw sorry for the long response!
You are amazing, you sound now so composed and confident, great, Lolalove, in such a short time.
Every day that passes and you were strong and did not contact him will make you stronger, more confident and more independent and soon he will be out of our mind, he really did not deserve you!
You will be positive and free and happy again, looking forward to your next relationship, hopefully a better one, what you deserve. Choose wisely, and good luckl!
Thanks so much. You literally made me feel so much better about this situation!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Honestly. There is no rule that says you get closure. Most of the time, you DON'T. The fact that you don't get this, and can't "let go" are reasons someone might describe you as "crazy". 
