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Hi-- everyone I've been on CD for a while now but this is my first time on the relationships board. Seems like a good place.
First, I want to avoid any replies regarding actual politics- that is not what I want or am looking for.
I've been married to my wife for 15 years now and love her to death. We met at a bible study years ago and now have three kids. My political stance has changed some over the last year--- I've moved more to the middle (I was once a hard core right winger). My father in law is definitely a right winger and generally rules conversations regarding politics. My MIL and my wife are pretty right wing conservative as well.
I've moved to the middle as I've deepen my faith and have become more interested in poverty alleviation and helping the homeless, for example. I know this is in contrast of a lot of people who grow in their faith...lol.
Anyway, I'm pretty nervous of political conversations nowadays with tre family and do not want to disrupt any relationships. My wife is ok with my semi-conversion to the middle. However she did make one comment last night about me drifting too far (just something I said about one of the political candidates). A lot of this may not seem like a big deal, the issue is my FIL,MIL really only see devout Christians as a right winged conservative.
So I guess I'm really struggling with trying to see how other people make mixed political marriages work (especially since I'm the one that changed some). Also, any thoughts on dealing with my in-laws and my new found political thoughts?
I worked with a lady for a Republican politician, her husband worked for the Democratic Party. They were both in very high positions.
For various reasons they refrained from discussing work or politics at home. The seemed quite happily married.
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It can work fine between spouses, if you both agree to not discuss politics with each other. But it's a different matter with in-laws; they may not agree to the no-politics rule. One option is to keep your opinions to yourself when you're at family gatherings. Maybe you can find friends to hang out with who are closer to your views, so you can have someone to talk about those things with.
It is your right to hold your own opinion. Share it as you're comfortable, with whom you're comfortable.
Maybe your wife should refrain from pointing out something that you aren't yet comfortable sharing with your in-laws.
I'd certainly let her know that you would like to voice your opinions without her editorializing out of respect for you, just as you will not editorialize her opinions for the same reason.
Maybe add that your political beliefs do not change your love for her....hopefully she'll rethink sort of "throwing you under the bus"
There is an old rule that one should never discuss politics, religion or money. So I would advise you to change the subject or nod you head when the in-laws talk.
My wife and I were both political and legislative analysts for our former state (from which we've retired). As such we often were required at the State Capitol to testify before legislative policy committees about bills regarding our policy area which was the same for both of us although we worked for different agencies. At times we would both testify on the same bill in committee with one of us being in support and the other being in opposition. For us that was not an issue nor a threat to our relationship. It was just business.
Also, my wife was personally very liberal and I was far more conservative although we did agree on fiscal matters. We simply learned to agree to disagree which did not prevent us from discussing issues and politicians but at no time did we let it interfere with Us, not even when we knowingly cancelled out the other's vote in elections.
It's all a fine balancing act within a relationship that must be addressed and handled maturely. As for others, just don't let yourself to be drawn into those types of discussions. If pressed, simply say you find those opinions the be very private and don't care to divulge yours. If that doesn't satisfy them, oh well! Your obligations are to yourself and your wife, not to extended family or any others.
Unless you feel strongly that you would need to defend your position, I'd just smile and nod or redirect when the topic of politics comes up. My mil is extremely religious and very opinionated and loves to talk about her beliefs. I do not share her beliefs at all. I just smile and change the subject when I can. It's worked for us for over 21 years now.
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