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I guess it could be the fact that I live in the international metropolis that is Cincinnati, Ohio - "The heart of it all"- where single women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. If not, it could also be that I am associated with the chick-magnet profession of bioanalytical chemistry. Nothing gets the ladies in a romantic mood like some discussions on the uses of inductively coupled plasmas for atomic spectroscopy. If those things can't explain it, then certainly my female-dominated hobbies of home-brewing, historical firearms collecting, and pipe smoking can surely explain our different perceptions of dating. What woman isn't enthralled with the prospects of examining the barrel wear on a rusted 1944 Jungle Carbine while enjoying a pint of nitro tapped homemade stout and the pungent smell of English Cavendish.
Seriously I can't see where you are coming from at all. My early thirties were a time when I had far more options for dating than I had time to actually go on dates, and my single friends had very similar experiences. The guys I know who are still single now in their mid-to-late thirties are still going on several dates every week. The only sexually frustrated guys who can't get a date that I ever see on a regular basis are my 20ish aged college students who are still figuring out how to talk to women.
Yeah, well I suppose living in a city helps. For me its like everywhere I go if I see a more or less attractive woman - bam! next thing you notice is the left ring finger. It really is incredible. Whether its Shoprite, Starbucks or any other social place one could possibly go around here. I f##king hate this place.
Oh, and I looked at some meetup groups in the area in addition to Online dating and looks like those are a bust as well. I will have to wait another 15-20 years for those groups to become relevant.
Based on basic stats, there are supposedly more men than women among 25-35 crowd. But what makes it a real bummer is that there are WAY too many single mothers. And it makes sense. When couples split up the mothers typically take the kids while dads pay their way out and easily re-enter the dating pool.
It seems like a third of women online these days are carrying baggage from prior relationships. Which means that attractive women without kids end up getting the most attention and there is probably 5 comparably good looking guys for every attractive woman.
Any thoughts? The numbers are complete guesses, but you get the idea..
Actually I think that falls into the realm of junk science. Expectations change far more than people do.
At age 48 and having been recently divorced there was no lack of women around my age, and some younger, who made it clear they would welcome an invitation to share a meal or go to a movie with me. At 50 and after two years of living like a monk in order to take stock of and reinvent myself the same held true. Admittedly the whole idea of dating in the 90s scared the hell out of me since I hadn't done so since the 60s and times and expectations had changed. I solved the problem by asking out a friend of five years who seemed she would be a "safe" date with no expectation of romance, just some pleasant companionship for a few hours.
Fooled me! We were married two months later. Harder? Hardly! Enjoyably easy even at my age at the time.
I disagree completely that dating is hard for men in the 25-35 age range. In fact, I think that this is a age range where it is fairly easy to form meaningful relationships.
Under 25, dating is based to a large extent on the fact that both men and women are less experienced and somewhat dumb when it comes to relationships. When I was in college and in my early twenties, I had very little filter in terms of what women I dated: I would make a pass at many many women and the ones that reciprocated would be the ones that I dated, usually for very short periods of time. I was never very invested in any relationships because I was always thinking about the next one. I thought that the path to successful dating was impressing women, which I now know to be very backwards. I also thought that the act of going on dates was a means to an end, and I didn't really enjoy the dating process unless it lead to physical gratification at the end. The women I met were pretty much determined by my circumstances: in college I mostly dated the women I met in my classes and on my track team, as a YP I dated other YP's in my social circle, etc. It wasn't until I was in my mid twenties that I realized that I could be more intentional about the women I met my being more thoughtful about the types of activities and commitments that I spent my time on. The idea of compatibility and aligned values became more important, and relationships became much more rewarding.
When I was an early 30's divorcee, getting dates was incredibly easy: as in shooting fish in a barrel easy, and I am not rich or really good looking or anything and I never even tried online dating. There was a period of time when I was separated but before my divorce was officially final where I seemed to meet several women every week without even trying, and I started actually enjoying going out with a date, regardless of what happened afterwards or whether I saw her again. I could see how a guy could enjoy this lifestyle for decades, but then I met my wife and the rest, they say, is history, and I don't have any regrets.
I am 37 and happily married now, so I don't plan on seeing what dating is like in my 40's or 50's, but I would imagine that it follows a similar trajectory: men and women both have a much better idea of what they want and how to get it.
100 % agree. I was suddenly single midthirties, and was surprised to find dating va million times easier than it had been in my twenties, for various reasons. One of which was that I was finally dating other people who were at a point in life where they definitively knew what they wanted.
I really haven't known any 30something guys who had trouble dating (not saying they don't exist). IME, these men are HIGHLY in demand as most women (not all) want someone roughly their own age, who has been in approximately the same circumstances, and I don't just mean divorce if that's the case, or else waiting until 30s to marry which is another not-uncommon thing today - I mean career-trajectory, home ownership, basic maturity and life-outlook level at least as compared to, say, college-age and so on; and at the same time a 30something guy still looks quite good/hasn't (usually) started the serious aging yet. In addition, this age group tends to be able to more quickly get physically fit if they weren't already during the marriage. Still plenty of energy that way. So it's really perfect, a nice-looking, fit male who understands the woman's situation, who is mature but not too old for her, and who is probably financially stable. In general - I keep saying that because I KNOW there will be cries of "...but I know a guy who..." - this demographic is neither frat boys nor older/looking ahead toward retirement and are the perfect middle of physical and, hopefully, mental, financial and intellectual maturity that will suit a woman their approximate age.
These are all generalizations. There will be exceptions but overall, if we're talking groups, in particular age groups, this is what I've seen.
Now, if what one is looking for is a childfree-by-choice person (in this case, woman), that's going to be, numbers-wise, a minority to begin with. That's not to do with age, IMO, because won't a CBC woman still be CBC when she's 30, 40, 50 and so on? Yes, a CBC man is going to have *somewhat more* trouble finding a 30-ish woman who has no children and/or doesn't plan to have children, but so too will a CBC woman have trouble finding a 30-ish (or any age) man who has no children and doesn't want any in the future. So in this regard, dating is hard for the CBC person of any age or either gender by comparison, not "dating is hard for middle-aged men."
I really haven't known any 30something guys who had trouble dating (not saying they don't exist). IME, these men are HIGHLY in demand as most women (not all) want someone roughly their own age, "
The issue is not the trouble dating, but trouble dating the people I trulywant. I have no trouble dating girls who are below my standard, for lack of a better word. I guess one way to look at it is that my standards are too high, but I don't personally think so. I still maintain that there are much more good looking, fit men than there are comparably attractive, fit women. The field is not leveled, and you people can talk all you want but none of you have anything to prove it otherwise.
The issue is not the trouble dating, but trouble dating the people I trulywant. I have no trouble dating girls who are below my standard, for lack of a better word. I guess one way to look at it is that my standards are too high, but I don't personally think so. I still maintain that there are much more good looking, fit men than there are comparably attractive, fit women. The field is not leveled, and you people can talk all you want but none of you have anything to prove it otherwise.
Again, if what you want in your age group is a woman who has either never had children or never wants children, that will be a minority, and this will be exactly the same for a CBC woman in your age group seeking a like-minded mate.
You might find a lot of 19-year-olds who do not yet want children, but a majority (again...just the majority...this doesn't mean every last one) eventually will want children, at least going by stats. In addition, they are far less likely to want someone your age; they're having a great time with the young studs. Otherwise, you'd have to go significantly older, to women who have grown children, for example, if that would even be acceptable to you (I'm guessing no?). And the same will hold true for a CFBC woman seeking a man.
It is NOT about being a middle-aged man. It is about being CFBC.
As for "your standard," if they are willing to date you, they see you as approximately the same level they're at, so your "standard" is almost definitely way higher than what you yourself can deliver. IOW, these women "below your standard" are actually about exactly what you deserve, for lack of a better word, and vice versa. Be realistic.
No, there are not many more good-looking men than women. That being subjective, to take actual stats there are more overweight men than women in the U.S., statistically. That's a solid stat, not something subjective. So, probably nope, and definitively nope. And yes, we DO have "something" to "definitively prove otherwise" to your wrong statements.
You are just giving not-very-attractive men a pass because you want to believe that unfit, not very nice-looking men are all that; this way you can believe you're amazing too, either by comparison if you happen to be fit and very handsome, or by association if you're like the overwhelming majority (almost 75%) and are not. Stop doing that, because it's not helping you at all, given the entire idea of this thread and your believing this is all "hard" for you. What's "hard" is scoring women far more attractive than you, who are fit AND meanwhile, are CFBC. Yes. That is going to be hard, absolutely.
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