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You've only been with him for a year and a half. You've seen her one time. They've been friends since high school. Unless you're already sharing assets, it's his money he's spending, he can spend it however he pleases. Give it a chance first.
You mentioned he's never paid to take you out to dinner? Not once? Including or not including your trip to Europe? I find that odd considering how that's usually the first date. If he starts paying for more things for her, like dining out, clothes, other goods, I would be upset, regardless how short of a time you've been with him. That would be a deal breaker if it were me. The whole point of dating is to gage whether or not you're compatible for lifelong happiness together.
You've only been with him for a year and a half. You've seen her one time. They've been friends since high school. Unless you're already sharing assets, it's his money he's spending, he can spend it however he pleases. Give it a chance first.
You mentioned he's never paid to take you out to dinner? Not once? Including or not including your trip to Europe? I find that odd considering how that's usually the first date. If he starts paying for more things for her, like dining out, clothes, other goods, I would be upset, regardless how short of a time you've been with him. That would be a deal breaker if it were me. The whole point of dating is to gage whether or not you're compatible for lifelong happiness together.
No, he never paid me anything, not even our trip together, not even our dining out sessions and things were like that from our first date on, I just accepted this dynamic until I began to see more deserving people on his eyes. I was bugged because I was about to cook for five of his friends, I had spent time and money on this and other occasions because of him. it doesn't feel much but on the cooking eve he told about the plane tickets and I realized that everything was about his agenda, that he didn't care about me and I cancelled the dinner. Since some people like you think it normal that a man pays everything on the first date, that will be my criterion for my next boyfriend.
Thank you for your insight. Perhaps I deserve better.
What about your male friends? Is he OK with you having the same types of relationships with them?
I don't have many male straight friends and the few I do are married and I always include their wives in everything I do with them, I acknowledge the wives as the number one in my friends lives. High school and college are behind and I believe in deepening my intimacy with a SO I met in adulthood. Maybe my boyfriend and I are just too different anyway.
I would tell him exactly how it makes you feel. Set some boundaries, no ultimatums.
But, if you two can't agree on boundaries or he continues to disregard your feelings, get out.
It's amazing to me how often these "friends" screw up good relationships and people defend them so vehemently.
At first I thought the friend gave up coming because she had a common sense but then my boyfriend told me she said she wouldn't come because there were "too many couples in town".
You cannot address it with dignity because something is wrong here. You just need to address it and I can almost guarantee you, he won't respond with dignity. Just as he has already making that false accusation you are getting in between them. Them? They are a couple now? Why isn't it the three of you? those words explain it all. He views himself and her as a couple, and there is no room for you. He wants free reign to act and do as he pleases with her, when you are really his girlfriend. Weird
It's good to have relationships but he is enmeshed with this lady, something he needs to be with you. What naturally happens is those friends on both sides either are compatible and equal friends of hte both of you, or they slowly start to fade out of the picture.
Let him be. It's not worth your time. He knows you, he obviously isn't that into you and you know it. So sorry to say this but I think you could find someone else who cares more about you. Good luck
You are right. I behaved as I didn't have any self steem and accepted too much.
I don't know about that. I'm not ready to judge him without his side of things. He may be into her, you might be overreacting. I also have female friends that I would do quite a bit for. And especially with friends in the decade plus zone, you'd bet your ass they'd get precedence. People that have been friends that long have been through a lot together, and know stuff about each other they wouldn't repeat to another soul.
That's just my opinion. I'm not sure why people are immediately thinking the worst of this guy.
If your friends get precedence over a girlfriend what is the point of having a girlfriend? I mean, a girlfriend is someone who devotes more time to you than to her older relationships because it takes time and effort to build meaningful relations. I am fifteen years late in his life but there are many years ahead (more than fifteen hopefully) and I want to build something strong and special but I can't do that to someone who only regards the past as special. Maybe he is nostalgic and closed to the future.
If only old relationships matter he should be honest to himself and try to live and rely only on these old relationships. Maybe he should call her up in the night if he needs to go to hospital but ops they have been living in different cities and I am the one close to attend the urgent and daily needs.
If I am not as important as she is just because she is the one he met in the teens I wish him and all those who prefer past over present a good luck. I won't be here for him anymore, just like her who moved to another city.
That's not a friend. He's head over heals over her. And he would leave you in a second if she decided she finally wants him. You will always be # 2. It's okay...at least you're number 2 right?
He has a hot for her, but she didn't like him that way. I wouldn't stay with a man who treats another woman better than he does me (unless those women are his mother or his daughters).
He has a hot for her, but she didn't like him that way. I wouldn't stay with a man who treats another woman better than he does me (unless those women are his mother or his daughters).
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