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I agree. If a woman rejects a man because he is not her type physically, then I guess they're not real women.... I understand that they were dating for a while and he didn't want to have sex with her after seeing her naked. That hurt and that sucks but I don't think it should be questioned if he was a real man or not just based off of that fact. Some women change their minds about having sex after seeing the man nude so are those women labeled little girls?
Who turned this into a gender thing? And since when is "not being a real man" the equivalent of a "little girl"?
In my book, not doing your due diligence and then rejecting someone for a shallow reason at the last minute is really jerky behavior for ANYONE, male, female or anyone else.
I don't like the terms "real men" and "real women." They're just used to put down anybody who doesn't measure up. Somebody said that in qwy's earlier thread, and I agree.
I also agree that after several weeks of dating, qwy's "friend" should have had an idea of that woman's fitness. She's not someone he just picked up from a bar. He's seen her eat. They've hugged, right? Doesn't he know what Spanx feel like? Doesn't he know the different jiggles of firm, high breasts and those that are held up by mega underwire? The dude sounds inexperienced with women, like those who are surprised what women without makeup look like, but he's still a "real man." There's a huge spectrum of men out there.
I don't like the terms "real men" and "real women." They're just used to put down anybody who doesn't measure up. Somebody said that in qwy's earlier thread, and I agree.
I also agree that after several weeks of dating, qwy's "friend" should have had an idea of that woman's fitness. She's not someone he just picked up from a bar. He's seen her eat. They've hugged, right? Doesn't he know what Spanx feel like? Doesn't he know the different jiggles of firm, high breasts and those that are held up by mega underwire? The dude sounds inexperienced with women, like those who are surprised what women without makeup look like, but he's still a "real man." There's a huge spectrum of men out there.
Immature little girls and sociopaths is what some might call them. Doesnt make any sense, but I guess thats life.
I have been disgusted by a man once he took his clothes off. This does not make me an "immature little girl" or a "sociopath." If somebody smells, has nasty things down there, or is just gross, that is too bad. Nobody is ever obligated to have sex.
...has nasty things down there, or is just gross, that is too bad. Nobody is ever obligated to have sex.
I can't picture this. Were they "gross and nasty things", or had you just never seen those" things" before? If he smelled that bad, didn't you smell it before the pants came off?
I have been disgusted by a man once he took his clothes off. This does not make me an "immature little girl" or a "sociopath." If somebody smells, has nasty things down there, or is just gross, that is too bad. Nobody is ever obligated to have sex.
I wasnt serious, men and women should be able to live life how they want without being told they are not a "real man" or "real woman".
"Real Man" is a subjective definition and the list of traits comprising it depends purely on how a male in question is to be used by a woman, family member, boss or government.
Location: Born in L.A. - NYC is Second Home - Rustbelt is Home Base
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Quote:
Originally Posted by qwy
This post is not about race it was just an example of how people assume that if a person does not find someone attractive they quickly get offended and lash out.
But to be on the safe side I see if I can edit it
If someone is not attractive move on and find someone that is. Don't make a big deal over it.
The word I'd use is condemn, not shame. The societal norm is to respect the feelings of others. Taken to the extreme, someone who ignores that norm is a sociopath. Yeah, I condemn that behavior.
We can't all be everything to everyone nor will we make everyone happy every time.
A real man knows that and carries on.
Besides, in other cultures, not respecting norms gets you stoned, beheaded or worse.
I just posted a question in a thread called "Gone because the clothes came off"
The thread was to illicit advice from others about how to handle such a situation if I ever found myself in it; that way I would have some idea on what to do. But instead there was a lot of anger and lashing out in the comments and this got me to wondering a few things.
1). Why do people take certain things personally even if it was not aimed at them?
For example I hear a lot of men get angry when they hear certain women say they prefer to date men that are the like them. These men respond by calling these women supremacist, but are they? Or are they free to be attracted to who they want to be attracted to?
If you treat someone who is not your mirror reflection or who is overweight with kindness and genuine friendliness but you have no attraction for them than does that make you supremacist?
Why do people take the words of a stranger who was not even talking to them so personally? This is what I noticed happening in the Clothes came off thread as well as many other threads on City Data. No one addressed the situation, they just attacked the guy (who I assume many believe is me ).
2). Does a Real Man have the freedom to like and dislike what he wants or does he have to accept everything?
Another very common saying on that thread was that a "real man" would NOT be turned off by a the woman from the story. So that got me to thinking, does this mean that a real man can not have things that he dislikes if others will be offended by it?
Does being a real man mean that you have superhuman control over what attracts you? He can turn it on and off like a light switch? He can choose who to and not to be attracted to?
Does it work both ways? If I a woman found something in a man that she did not like that was NONE personality related does that make her not a "real woman" for rejecting a guy because of superficial reasons?
If a man who contacts a woman online is 2 inches shorter than her and she is not attracted to that no matter how hard she tries, does that mean she is not a "real woman"?
I look forward to everyone's answers
I think people are likely projecting how they would feel if or when this happend to them. Sadly ... I think your expressed honest opinion is the more common type of male opinion on the topic as hurtful as it is. Most people want to be with a person who values them for who they are as a person and sees past physical imperfections. Your comments likely remind a lot of people that have been hurt by people over these seemingly vain realities.
In my opinion the bottom line is even though the truth hurts is it better that its ends because if you can't see past something like that you are only going to hurt that person further. This is a sad situation that no one would ever want to be in and that is likely what is triggering the type of responses you are getting. It is really not about being a man or woman. Regardless of who it is the situation still is bad. No one wants to get insulted or rejected like that. She is actually lucky if you end it because being in a relationship with someone who is not physically attracted to you is can destroy someone's self esteem.
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