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Why do most of men (not all of course) change after marriage? I mean stop taking their wives on date, being lazy to help her, usually being selfish, not appreciating her, being unsatisfied,stop trying to be nice and make her happy...
Why do most of men (not all of course) change after marriage? I mean stop taking their wives on date, being lazy to help her, usually being selfish, not appreciating her, being unsatisfied,stop trying to be nice and make her happy...
Without going into detail, one could ask the same of wives. I'm a firm believer in romancing your spouse constantly, even in just small ways if not especially in small, meaningful ways. Doing so is not a chore. It's a pleasure and my wife and I have been married for 20 years on that basis. Daily affirmations of appreciation, treasuring and loving are important.
Here's one way to do it:
SHMILY - By Laura Jeanne Allen
My grandparents were married for over half a century, and played their own special game from the time they had met each other.
The goal of their game was to write the word "shmily" in a surprise place for the other to find. They took turns leaving "shmily" around the house, and as soon as one of them discovered it, it was their turn to hide it once more. They dragged "shmily" with their fingers through the sugar and flour containers to await whoever was preparing the next meal.
They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio where my grandma always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring. "Shmily" was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it would reappear bath after bath.
At one point, my grandmother even unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper to leave "shmily" on the very last sheet. There was no end to the places "shmily" would pop up.
Little notes with "shmily" scribbled hurriedly were found on dashboards and car seats, or taped to steering wheels.
The notes were stuffed inside shoes and left under pillows. "Shmily" was written in the dust upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace.
This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents' house as the furniture. It took me a long time before I was able to fully appreciate my grandparents' game.
Skepticism has kept me from believing in true love-one that is pure and enduring. However, I never doubted my grandparents' relationship. They had love down pat. It was more than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life.
Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection, which not everyone is lucky enough to experience.
Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses as they bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen. They finished each other's sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble.
My grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome and old he had grown to be. She claimed that she really knew "how to pick 'em."
Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune, and each other. But there was a dark cloud in my grandparents' life: my grandmother had breast cancer.
The disease had first appeared ten years earlier. As always, Grandpa was with here every step of the way. He comforted her in their yellow room, painted that way so that she could always be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside.
Now the cancer was again attacking her body. With the help of a cane and my grandfather's steady hand, they went to church every morning. But my grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the house anymore.
For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to God to watch over his wife. Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone.
Shmily." It was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my grandmother's funeral bouquet.
As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members came forward and gathered around Grandma one last time.
Grandpa stepped up to my grandmother's casket and, taking a shaky breath, he began to sing to her. Through his tears and grief, the song came, a deep and throaty lullaby. Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment. For I knew that, although I couldn't begin to fathom the depth of their love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty.
I do not know that "most men" even fit into this premise. I know many married couples that are happy and both spouses are putting effort into still chasing each other and making each other feel special.
Life does tend to change in marriage, often very significantly for individuals. This change is sometimes seen as a negative, and individuals may find it leading to a situation where they question the love or interest level of their partner. It takes a lot more effort sometimes to maintain the level of outward romance in a marriage to break through the mundane routine of family life, but often those displays of affection and caring are also being carried out more subtlety and/or in different ways.
It is up to the couple to be sure they are still satisfying the romantic and affection needs of their partner, to discuss it openly and work together to maintain and grow their intimacy. When it breaks down, there are feelings, emotions, and judgments on both sides as to what the other person is not doing. In other words. It is not "men" or "women" who generally stop doing something, but a series of interwoven and dynamic events, situations, and happenings that lead to a communication, and intimacy breakdown and it takes both to repair and overcome it.
The same reason a lot of women change after marriage. Cutting of sex, letting themselves go etc. People get comfortable and lazy and stop caring.
I don't believe that comfort is necessarily uncaring. In a way it could be affirmation of feeling loved and emotionally safe. During courtship we're all, or mostly all, on our best behavior. That can be and should be very hard work. Once all is said-and-done we can tend to relax a bit. But we should never do so to the total exclusion of what brought us together in the first place. It's incumbent upon us to always reaffirm that the object of out love feels valued and appreciated.
The red flags were there long before the marriage (unless the marriage happened very quickly). Women who marry men who "change" after getting married simply ignore those flags.
It's probably because those women constantly nag their S/O and constantly complaining, don't appreciate him or they probably got boring. Maybe the problem isn't the man but the woman, herself. It's not a one way street.....
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