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OliviaWolf, you teach people how to treat you. You are not feeling valued in this relationship, and I think you are right. Your relationship would be fine if it was worked out and agreed on by both of you, but it wasn't.
I have not dated in the 21st century, so perhaps I am just out of it, but if you have discussed this with your boyfriend, and he doesn't care about your feelings, then I think you should go find someone else.
He never paid me a romantic dinner (not even on our first anniversary), never gave me any expensive gift and he earns twice as I do.
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he had offered to pay her the $ 300 plane ticket.
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He knew the trip would be heavy on my budget but never offered to help
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it was all on me, the jealous insecure girlfriend.
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the woman gave up coming visit us after alleging "there were only couples [me] in the city"
He doesn't respect you and was going to bring another woman to town.
If you're already paying for everything anyway, what do you need him for? Buy yourself some batteries and a toy and get down on your own dime.
I am more willing to pay for friends rather than my girl, just because I don't ever want to be put in a situation where I am being used as a wallet.
You don't think friends are capable of using you as a wallet? I agree there's probably less expectation from them, but friends are not exempt from mooching off other friends once they see someone is willing.
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However, if your situation is as you described, I don't think you are receiving fair treatment. If he has more money than you he should be willing to contribute more to expenses than you do, and definitely shouldn't ask you to sell your car so you can pay for a vacation.
Agreed. However, I also wonder what on earth compels someone to sell their car to go on vacation - while he shouldn't have asked or expected her to do that, she also shouldn't have agreed to do it!
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Originally Posted by artemis agrotera
This...and being generous, does not necessarily mean spending money.
It doesn't cost much at all, to make someone feel important or significant.
Exactly, it's not just about being generous, it's about being considerate and not being okay with one's girlfriend having to sell her only car to pay for the expensive vacation HE wants to take. He didn't have to spend more money to show her what she means to him, he could have just been considerate of her financial situation and booked something less expensive so she could afford it. It actually would have cost him less. But what it came down to was: he was not willing to compromise what he wanted in a vacation for her sake. It's all about him, him, him.
I can appreciate guys being wary of girlfriends who expect to be able to mooch off them... but after a year, I think she deserves a little trust that this is not what she's in this relationship for. I mean, OP, what's going to happen if you guys ever get married? Is he going to insist on separate bank accounts and splitting all your bills evenly, like you're roommates or something? If this is not what you want for the rest of your life, get out now.
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Originally Posted by oh-eve
I think it is time to cut him lose.
If I remember correctly, you had another thread about this and it seemed like him and the other girl are just friends but he has a secret crush on her. He pretty much would drop everything and everybody if she would make a move on him.
You are plan B on his life plan. Plan B doesn't deserve as much as plan A (her) and therefore you are not worth spending money on.
I suspected that might be the case. I was trying to rationalize why he would be so selfish with her but not with this friend (normally people who are just selfish and always selfish) and could only come up with the idea that he has feelings for her.
Hello, I am speaking in the 21st century. Both men and women can earn their living, however when it comes to first dates and relationships some men offer to pay the check and others never do. Does it have to do with how interesting the woman is or is it just something with the guy?
The answer will be either of these...depending on the guy. In your situation it is a little hard to say for sure, but it may be the first scenario which is what I feel you suspect given your example with the other woman. I have been through similar situation you describe though it was not so much the money (though that was an element) but the sex aspect. Getting told by gfs early on how wild they are, but then in the relationship. getting excuses as to why they are not going to be like that anymore. Also hearing of stories how they went to so much trouble for their jerk exes but were not going to do that anymore for me. It was pretty clear to me I was not as special as their exes/fwbs. Ramming this assumption home was the fact that when I was doing well with bodybuilding I got treated much better by gfs/women. For me the more desirable I am/was the better I get/got treated in relationships/flings (same with some of my friends).
I bet that element also runs true for some women and how the men in their life treat them. When there is a desire imbalance in the relationship, the person with the most options/less desire can treat their partner less special than they would with others they deem more desirable (who they would put in more effort to keep). Its easy to find someone who thinks you are the greatest thing to happen to them and want to make your happiness a priority in their life - date down. lol.
For me now in life, if I get a sense that I am being treated less special than they treated their ex, or their fwbs or their friends, then its going to be a deal breaker. For some men I know, how much money they splash on women is a marker for how much they desire her. Prettier = more money + eagerness to let her get her own way. Its not always the case though as some guys will still do that for many women who will go out with them. Some because they think that's they way a man should treat a woman and others just because they are desperate to please/get a gf.
The going dutch on dates personally I dont think is a bad thing these days. Its a hangover from the past when women earned less, but in the age of the 'strong independent woman' its redundant but of course it gets guilted on men still - 'thats what a proper gentleman does'. If you earn as good as him, forget it as a marker of his love. You cant judge all men on that measure as to their love for you. If you are treating him during the year but he never thinks to do the same to you but then throws $$ the way of female friends (who I bet are pretty) then its a bit of a different story and I get why you are wondering...is this just you (you dont inspire him enough) or him (he's conservative with money with all his gfs and the girl he paid the ticket for he really owes a favor to from the past).
I think you need more evidence to know for sure. For me in a relationship, actions speak louder than words, and if this boyfriend of yours shows his appreciation of you in other ways than just expenditure then dont discount that. If this doubt is damaging your feelings for him and will continue to do so, then I think you will be better off finding someone else who can show their appreciation of you better, though dont equate 'more $ spent = more love for me'
it's amazing how many couples I see where the woman pays for everything... I have always paid 90% of the expenses in all my relationships and also with dating. I always wonder why I can't get some of the sweet deals other men are getting at least once I would like to be taken care of rather than constantly taking care of things with zero appreciation in return.
it's amazing how many couples I see where the woman pays for everything... I have always paid 90% of the expenses in all my relationships and also with dating. I always wonder why I can't get some of the sweet deals other men are getting at least once I would like to be taken care of rather than constantly taking care of things with zero appreciation in return.
You gotta demand better for yourself. Do the women you date have stable jobs? Do they have money to pay for a night out? If not, then that's part of your problem.
it's amazing how many couples I see where the woman pays for everything... I have always paid 90% of the expenses in all my relationships and also with dating. I always wonder why I can't get some of the sweet deals other men are getting
Bad times fall on us all mate at times when in a relationship ......... We can lose a job, get injured so we can't work etc etc so it's not at all out of the ordinary for our spouse to take care of things until we get back on our feet.
Personally I think it's nice and thoughtful when things are not going well for one of the them and the other is on hand
EDIT:..... I was offering a possible explanation of why someone in a relationship might be paying for everything.... ( in case it it's not obvious I apologise if it comes across as vague lol )
Last edited by Londoncowboy30; 12-05-2016 at 10:13 AM..
You gotta demand better for yourself. Do the women you date have stable jobs? Do they have money to pay for a night out? If not, then that's part of your problem.
not only did they have good jobs and my ex made 1.5 times what I made, her reasoning - well, she wants a man to take care of her to feel feminine, end of story.
I agree it is my own damn fault, but I seriously need to make changes going forward.
He doesn't respect you and was going to bring another woman to town.
If you're already paying for everything anyway, what do you need him for? Buy yourself some batteries and a toy and get down on your own dime.
Intriguing logic. Woman only needs a guy if he pays for everything?
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at least once I would like to be taken care of rather than constantly taking care of things with zero appreciation in return.
