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I. TRY. THIS. EVERY. TIME. But even after I say this stuff she still has a million questions to ask me until she is "satisfied". It's like, the only thing I could do to quell her insecurity is to go back in time and un-google it I guess. But I can't do that. I can't do anything. You see how frustrating this is? I think she just wants me to stop looking at other women that she perceives as more attractive or whatever but obviously that ain't happening.
OK, then she's behaving neurotically. She needs to get professional help for that. It's become a bad habit. I'm wondering if you could suggest taking a break from the relationship while she works on her issue. You could present it (as a way of maybe getting her to agree) as time for you both to work on your issues separately. Tell her you're stressing out from her badgering (which is what it is), and that you need a break.
She needs to face up to the fact that her behavior is counterproductive, and will push people away. She needs to take responsibility for that. It wouldn't hurt if you faced up to some excess on your side, too.
OK, then she's behaving neurotically. She needs to get professional help for that. It's become a bad habit. I'm wondering if you could suggest taking a break from the relationship while she works on her issue. You could present it (as a way of maybe getting her to agree) as time for you both to work on your issues separately. Tell her you're stressing out from her badgering (which is what it is), and that you need a break.
She needs to face up to the fact that her behavior is counterproductive, and will push people away. She needs to take responsibility for that. It wouldn't hurt if you faced up to some excess on your side, too.
Thank you. I feel like everyone telling me off would end up reacting the same way if they were dealing with what I'm dealing with.
No, they wouldn't react the same way. Most people who realize that they're incompatible with each other, would split up and move on. You don't get any points for sticking together and making each other miserable.
This conversation is starting to feel redundant.....
I've been with my girlfriend Emily for 2 years, and we live together. We share a lot in common, taste in music, sense of humor, worldview etc. We have a lot of fun together and seem very compatible to everyone from the outside, but this one thing is kind of making me want to end the relationship.
Emily has some serious body image issues, and she takes them out on me frequently. She is tall, thin and beautiful, but I guess I get why she has them. Former fat kid, used to struggle with an eating disorder since childhood (possibly still does, honestly idk).
Every couple weeks or so, she will find a way to take this out on me. Yesterday she saw that I had google image searched "perfect ass". Big ****ing deal, right? It's just a meaningless porn search. So she starts barraging me with dumb insecure statements and questions. Saying that she feels like she is only just adequate to me, I settled for her, and that no matter what I will always want to look at something better. And asking me if this is true. Now, the porn I look at is usually pretty "average" looking girls (not porn star types), I just wanted to see what the "perfect ass" was according to the internet. Whatever, I shouldn't have to justify myself anyways, right?
When she does this ****, it makes me go blind with anger. But even when I get to the point of punching holes in the wall and telling her what a ****ing ***** she is being, she still won't let up. Then she cries and turns it around on me, trying to make me look like the dick, saying that I take it too personally and I won't listen to and understand her. What's there to listen to or understand? It's all ****ing irrational.
It makes me so mad that she can see the effect her actions are having on me, every time, but she still pulls this **** like twice a month. She will get anxious about my porn habits, compare herself to ex-gfs or old crushes, and get testy when I bring up any woman in my life that she knows I am physically attracted to. It drives me ****ing nuts to have someone try to tell me how I feel, and it's not fair of her to do this to me when she knows how much it upsets me. I've almost broken up with her several times over this, but I keep coming back because I love her. But I am so exhausted. Should I save myself and end this now?
You seem to realize that her insecurities are due to your porn searches... and yet you still continue to do so. And then you get pissed off when she brings up insecurities. It seems to me you have double standards here.
Allow me to re-type what you wrote, only with some role reversal.
"Big ****ing deal, right? It's just a meaningless questions about my looks and I just like to ask. So he starts going off in a fit of rage and punching holes in the wall."
"When he does this **** (search for porn), it makes me go blind with anger. But even when I get to the point of getting upset telling him what a ****ing ***** he is being, he still won't let up."
"It makes me so mad that he can see the effect his actions are having on me"
"He will get enraged about how I feel about the way I look"
WHAT DO YOU WANT? Do you want us all to tell you it's all her fault, you have no responsibility whatsoever, or do you want to resolve this issue and retain the relationship? Do you want us to condemn her and praise you? Do you want to get permission to leave the relationship? What exactly do you even want?
If you are old enough to be a partner in a relationship, you are old enough to answer this question and then act accordingly. If you want to leave, for God's sake LEAVE.
However I find new and sexy things to surprise my boyfriend with. Being the last thing on his mind and the first thought in the morning is most important. Has she watched porn with you? If not watch it with her! We tell teschother what we like in the same or opposite sex and we have a great intimate relationship from that.
I would say if you're still with her seek a sex therapist.
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