Do you believe in FULL HONESTY or are there some things you don't want to know? (woman, lover)

[StarfoxGod]

Originally Posted by Rome2300

What do you do when they share something about the past you didn't want to hear?

Bro I heard many things from my ex that was not on a need to know bases such as Mod cut. The only good thing out of that she was trying to say is that I was her 1st in actual contact [snip]. We had many things shared because at the time I was a virgin and she was with 3 men sexually before me. I would feel out of place at times because I was 22 going on 23 while she was 28 years old. I always wanted to be with either a virgin like myself or with a woman who barely had partners and definitely no child... lol I ended up with her and all those things because I fell in love.
Anyways to answer your question I accepted her as she was but I came up with ways that we would share our 1st experiences together such as [snip]. Those were special moments to us and I kept on creating memories with her that I know she holds dear to her heart but nevertheless we still parted ways due to trust and virtue. Hope that answers your question.

[49erfan916]

Originally Posted by BellaLind

I like a man who is honest and honorable enough that I know he will not hurt me intentionally and also kind and wise enough to know when some things are better left unsaid.

This is true. To add to my previous post, I would like to know my gf's past BUT I wouldn't want to be compared to other men. For example, if she had wild sex adventures with her ex boyfriend, I wouldn't mind knowing but I would not want her to say, "it was the best that I ever had" That would truly hurt my ego. So you're right. There's a fine line...

[Checkered24]

She married me and seems very happy, and there is no reason for me to have anxiety about history.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by Rome2300

What do you do when they share something about the past you didn't want to hear?

Well, this actually happened to me. My boyfriend's ex found out something about me from my teen years that was an awful time of my life...and she made sure everyone in our circles knew (some already did from back in the day, but my bf did not). It was very hard for him, as his friends knew (no I am not going to say what it was) BUT he couldn't have been more lovely. He never for a moment wavered from my side and made sure I knew he loved me and it didn't make any difference at all.

That was months ago, and all has been awesome. I don't know if he had to do any personal work on his thinking or anything like that, after the reassurances we just left it behind us, which is where the past should be.

You can't change the past no matter what...do you love the person before you now, or not? That's your only choice. If you choose to lover her anyway, you are agreeing to accept everything about her, including her past. If you can't do that without punishing her or revisiting it over and over, then you can't stay with her.

[Mikelee81]

Sure why not.

I don't need to know everything. That is reality.


Just be a lover and forget about all the bull drama that accompanies.

[Nickchick]

It's interesting that I saw this when I've been reading a book and a few chapters back from where I'm at was about full honesty.

Originally Posted by mishigas73

Absolutely this.

I heard this sentiment put this way:

Before you say something to someone, ask yourself these questions-

Is it honest?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

If you can't answer "yes" to all three, keep your trap shut.

This is what I struggle with. Is it necessary? I'm not going to tell them every thought that pops into my head but whether in trying to get a job or in a relationship, I feel like I should keep as little as possible from them. Like I'm the type of person that would feel like I should tell a boss that I left for another job. I don't know if they would need to know that but being so loyal would compel me to tell them.
It would be even worse in a relationship since there is supposed to be no secrets there.

I don't know how to not be so honest though so I seriously think that science missed my filter gene when I was conceived.

Some things I can keep to myself no problem being reserved and it's common sense but many other things seem important yet I have often been told by people who try to help me with job searching that I'm too honest. But being reserved there are times when I feel like I should have told the person something but am too uncomfortable to share. It's funny to me. Most of the time I'm too honest so on the rare occasion I'm not I'm too secretive. There's no middle ground with me.

[rego00123]

To quote my mother: "the only reason to avoid honesty is youreself"

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by Rome2300

How are they different question s? It boils down to the same concept, FULL OPEN HONESTY

Doesn't look like you can handle it

"Full Open Honesty" to me does not mean providing blow-by-blow details of every sexual escapade my SO has had. I don't think it means that to MOST people. Anyone that actually wants to know that is a bit creepy, in my opinion. Not a matter of not being able to "handle it". It's a matter of being mature enough to not care about that stuff and trust your partner.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by Rome2300

I can always depend on you for the snide and blown out of proportion remarks

Her reply was brilliant.


I do not "demand" full disclosure. I know "stuff", he had a 3 some, etc. I do realize I benefit from his previous experience.

There is weird stuff I know that I want to un-know. He loves pointy canines.

I don't have them!!!

He crushes on Mila Jolovich (sp?). Gotta agree with him on that, I think we have a solid 3-some.

[TabulaRasa]

I believe in respect and tactfulness. Just because you have a thought, speaking it is not required.