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It sounds like you might be suffering from depression.
Heck, I got a little depressed just reading your post.
Marrying someone you don't love will only make this worse. You have to figure out who you are and what you want before you can be part of a successful relationship.
I agree with the others that you should not be rushing into a marriage when you are in such a depressed state of confusion. Your mother isn't the one marrying him. You are. Please take time out and seek help from your physician for depression.
Let me help. It says, Planning a wedding but feeling pretty unhappy about my life choices right now.
You're unhappy about the choice you've made. So why would you compound that with MORE unhappiness, by going through with the wedding? Just because he's (seemingly) a nice guy? Because your mom likes him? What about the you're-unhappy part? Doesn't that count? You're ok with being unhappy the rest of your life as long as your guy and your mom are happy? Really??
It sounds like you might be suffering from depression.
Heck, I got a little depressed just reading your post.
Good luck
I thought the same about the depression. Adding to that, her family's unnecessary pressures and she getting exhausted due to preparations. All these may just pile up to make her feel worst.
What, really? You want her to go through with the wedding, even though she's not into the guy? Do you think that's fair to the guy, not to mention her?'
This doesn't sound like a simple case of cold feet at the last minute. She hasn't really been into the guy all along. This is how divorces happen.
OP - How old are you? Are your parents "Old World"? And most importantly are you in love with this man or are you just settling? If you don't love him enough to even imagine spending the rest of your life with him, do him and yourself a favor and call off the wedding. You and any future children you bring into this world would be better off.
My sister married a man because he asked her and she figured "why not, if it doesn't work out I'll get a divorce" which is exactly what happened.
Her daughter got married for the second time last year at this time. Her first marriage lasted a year. She was having doubts but figured a lot of money had been spend on the wedding and his family had flown in from up north so she felt weird canceling the wedding. They split up around 6 months later. So now she is 29 and on her second divorce. Thankfully no children have come of these two marriages.
Last edited by chiluvr1228; 01-07-2017 at 07:40 AM..
What, really? You want her to go through with the wedding, even though she's not into the guy? Do you think that's fair to the guy, not to mention her?'
This doesn't sound like a simple case of cold feet at the last minute. She hasn't really been into the guy all along. This is how divorces happen.
Well she already decided to take the leap, so no point waste your effort to make her feel worst about it
I've decided to take the leap but I keep questioning if this is the right thing to do. Its not his fault I'm unhappy, When we met I was just leaving school, I felt pretty down on myself, I didn't make any friends while in school and I wasn't happy with my career choice. I went out with him not really expecting anything serious to come out of it. We get along but we argue a lot about stupid things. I dont feel we enjoy each other's company the way a couple should.
I feel like I'm marrying him because I've come to a point of "might as well".
I live with my parents in a cramped apartment. I thought I'd eventually move out but At first my job just didn't pay enough. Then when I got a better job, realized I had accumulated too much debt and I needed to pay it off. Then my mom lost her job and I felt I had to chip in and help more. My parents are also very religious and from a culture where you are expected to live home until you get married so I felt more pressure to stay then to follow my heart and move on.
Living home has helped me pay pay off some of my debt and allowed me to help out the family but I wonder if Ive paid a much higher price when it comes to my mental health and personal growth. Im an introvert and I'm kind of socially awkward. My only activities right now are work and church and I don't enjoy either one of these. Ocasionally I try to push myself to get involved in other things. I go exercise and I've tried some volunteering activities but I just seem unable to find something i enjoy. I know the issue is with me and I've tried therapy several times but nothing's come of it. I feel like maybe if I just had some good friends I'd be happier. People I want to hang out with dont wanna hang out eith me. Honestly i probably wouldn't want to hang out with me either.
A lot of the kids who grew up with me at church have moved away and are doing their own thing. I often feel like the loser who never figured out my life. My soon to be husband is very devout and engaged in church life. If I had known this about him when I met him I probably would not have dated him. I go to church mostly out of boredom but Ive gotten a little involved in certain activities but it still makes me sad because this is not really what I want to be doing.
Part of me is excited about getting married and starting a new stage in my life. I like the idea of a getting married and starting a family. I'm just really unhappy with myself for not knowing what I want and going after it. One of my mom's friends approached me recently and asked me if my mom was forcing me to get married. This made me sad and it tells me I'm not hiding my feelings well. Planning a big wedding for the family also makes me sad because I really feel like I'll look depressed while trying to convince myself and everyone else that I'm happy and that this is what I want. Ive told my fiance how i felt but he seems to think it's just a phase. Maybe it is but I don't know.
I wish that someone had say me down before my weddings (yes, that two weddings that both ended in divorce) and made me listen.
I got married with those bad feelings. It's was about, let's see: wanting to be able to move out of my parent home, believing that I loved him, believing that we were in the same page, believing that he wasn't *really* violent and things will improve after we get married. A week before the wedding I wanted to call it off but I felt bad that my parents had out all this money into it and my relatives flew from around the world etc. I know, stupid reasons to go through.
Second wedding, my family and cultural group had me convinced that I *needed* to be married and this guy was a good guy. He wasn't and when I tried to talk about people told me not to be petty. An do know that I sounded petty because I couldn't really articulate just what was really bothering me. So I got married again.
I finally saw a therapist in my 40s. Got clarity. My poor son's life was already pretty messed up.I was finally able to move from living a very religious life that I didn't believe in. I am finally happy with myself.
What I want to say to you: don't do it. You are making a very big mistakr. He isn't the right person for you because you aren't who you seem to be. If you aren't*into* church, how can you think of marrying someone who is in a totally different life style than you. Religion is a major part of life. You will either have to take being religious or you will be fighting about this on a daily basis. Don't tell people that you are *thinking* about it. Go to your fiance, hand him back his ring, TELL him that you are breaking up. Get a job and save up to move out and have a life.
Look how difficult it is for you to break up with this guy. Can you imagine how difficult it will be in five years with three children to get a divorce?
.
Well she already decided to take the leap, so no point waste your effort to make her feel worst about it
The leap has not been taken, though.
If she'd feel badly about pulling the plug well before any wedding date, imagine how awful it's gonna feel after the fact? These feelings don't get better, they get worse.
Friends and family will get over your canceling a wedding, OP. It happens. They move on with their lives, make other plans. But if you marry someone you aren't 100% ready to have as your one and only for the rest of your life, YOU live with that for the rest.of.your.life.
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