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Let me get this straight, you delete them after 12 MONTHS of no contact???
For me, two weeks, tops! If we exchange numbers and I call her, and she doesn't answer back/return my call, she's out. Done! Finito! I don't play that ****. If she doesn't contact me after a given time, she's dead to me.
Okay, but what does texting back and forth accomplish? Why not get to know someone IN PERSON? Go on actual dates with?
No one is saying giving someone a number means entering a sexual contract.
I have no idea, not being among the texting-obsessed generation. But younger folks who utilize texting DO feel that it is "getting to know the other person". They DO think of it as "real" conversation.
And the OP certainly DID imply, if not come right out and say, that he thinks getting a phone number is some kind of promise to enter into a sexual relationship.
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It's called "benching". It's basically where men and women will take someone's number, or social media contacts, chat with them, but never have any intentions of ever meeting.
If there is no implication of a relationship in that, then there is no reason to be bothered that the person isn't interested in meeting. And keep in mind the thread title - about DATING. EG, sexual relationship. Very few young people - or older people either, actually - use the term "dating" to mean anything other than a sexual or soon-to-be sexual relationship.
Benching is just the 2016 term for stringing someone along. It's always used in reference to a dating relationship (or rather the lack thereof, while still getting all sorts of teasers and oblique indications that dating is just around the corner).
eg, its all about dating. These aren't situations where you expect to remain "just friends". I am stopping short of equating it with hooking up - but many 30 years younger than I don't really differentiate between "dating" and "hooking up".
I have not heard of the term, but have certainly experienced it. I'd give it a week, maybe two, before moving on. If there is no intent on meeting, then it does not meet my expectation of what a blossoming relationship should entail.
Let me get this straight, you delete them after 12 MONTHS of no contact???
For me, two weeks, tops! If we exchange numbers and I call her, and she doesn't answer back/return my call, she's out. Done! Finito! I don't play that ****. If she doesn't contact me after a given time, she's dead to me.
Two weeks? I'd give them 5 days and they're out! Number deleted and move on lol.
Funny, 'cause just tonight I was talking to a friend about this woman I'd dated this past summer. We'd been on several dates, she actually came to my place for dinner a couple of times. We'd hit it off well, but after some time, she opened up and said to me: "You're doing everything right...you're a true gentleman...I don't know what's wrong with me...but I'm just not feeling spark..." I ended it there and told her, "IF you change your mind, or get yourself organized, call me, but I'm not gonna hold my breath." I walked away and didn't look back.
Well, last month, she reached out to me. "Hey, how you been?...long time no talk..." etc. Wished each other Happy Holidays, she tells me that she hasn't found anyone, hasn't been on any dates (which I took with a grain of salt), so I set up a dinner date, we go to a place, catch up on things. She tells me that her bestie called her "crazy", 'cause she told [the bestie] about me…yet still she's not wanting to commit. So again I wished her well, and moved on.
Point is, my friend said tonight that this woman has "benched" me. She's looking for someone who better meets her wants, but if she doesn't find him, she wants to keep me in the wings as her backup. I'm obviously not gonna contact her, but if she contacts me again, I'm gonna lay it out to her. I'm nobody's "backup plan", put me in the game or I'm out!
Don't meet up with her unless you're getting intimate. If you are having that kind of relationship, keep her in the Contacts list for an occasional romp. Otherwise, move on.
Ridiculous how such a big deal can be made out of something so weak.
Simply escalate. Ask her out. And there's your answer.
On the date? Make a move. There's your answer.
It's really not so hard to figure out someone's interest. Just escalate things.
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Originally Posted by ItsRick24
Let me get this straight, you delete them after 12 MONTHS of no contact???
For me, two weeks, tops! If we exchange numbers and I call her, and she doesn't answer back/return my call, she's out. Done! Finito! I don't play that ****. If she doesn't contact me after a given time, she's dead to me.
One or two weeks works well.
I usually initiate texting, and push for a date.
If we don't make plans, but I think there could be interest, I leave it for a week and try again.
If it doesn't happen then, I just cut it off. Focus on other dates and numbers instead.
Ridiculous how such a big deal can be made out of something so weak.
Simply escalate. Ask her out. And there's your answer.
On the date? Make a move. There's your answer.
It's really not so hard to figure out someone's interest. Just escalate things.
One or two weeks works well.
I usually initiate texting, and push for a date.
If we don't make plans, but I think there could be interest, I leave it for a week and try again.
If it doesn't happen then, I just cut it off. Focus on other dates and numbers instead.
Chasing the same woman for a year is madness.
I've done your bold statement many times. I'm finding myself drifting further away from online dating, but then I'm finding that I'm lacking the desire to actually want to go out on weekends to meet people as well. It's coming from my long stance of being single and always having the option to go out. It's not that I don't enjoy it, I just rather do other things than go out and be social (watch tv on my couch). Sometimes I much rather just catch the eye of someone in my regular routine and go from there.
I've done your bold statement many times. I'm finding myself drifting further away from online dating, but then I'm finding that I'm lacking the desire to actually want to go out on weekends to meet people as well. It's coming from my long stance of being single and always having the option to go out. It's not that I don't enjoy it, I just rather do other things than go out and be social (watch tv on my couch). Sometimes I much rather just catch the eye of someone in my regular routine and go from there.
And in all honesty that's the best way to do it sometimes.
Taking a break from all the extra stuff can be good if you're starting to feel a bit jaded.
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