A month into a breakup... (married, women, lover, calling)
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I am sorry for the breakup. Look at your glass as half full. She was very clear about what she needs at this time, and it was very respectful of her to have that conversation with you. Move on completely. Take a break from dating and get emotionally ready for another love. If she contacts you in the future, the two of you can decide what is best at that time. If you truly love her, you should want her to be happy with or without you.
I can understand your emotional hurt right now, but that will pass. Exercise, have a healthy diet, hang out with your friends, do things that you like to do and live your life. Life is always great.
Yeah, I want what is best for her of course. I know that if we were ever a 'meant-to-be' thing then she will find her way back to me.
I understand that on paper it sounds like she just has simply lost interest in me, but you really needed to see her circumstance and just how defeated she was because of her course to understand why she broke it off with me. Sure, she may never come back. But we had such a good thing going and neither of us wanted it to end that I believe there is a half-decent possibility she will find me again when she's ready. Even that day when she was dead cold towards me, she told me that she didn't want our relationship to end.
In the meantime though, yes, I will be working on myself and my future.
Shortly after the breakup I spoke to a relationship councillor because I was worried about her mental-wellbeing. I explained that she was at least showing signs of depression, but my ex's friend insisted that she is fine and I needn't worry, so I dropped the idea. You think differently?
It makes no sense that she'd break up with you ostensibly because she didn't have time for a relationship, while she was dropping out of her teacher program at the same time. Is she still in school? Is she getting a BA?
Well, offhand, it sounds like she could be depressed over the loss of her dream and the difficulties of dealing with a strained teacher/trainee relationship. But what do we know? There could be more to the story that she's not telling anyone but her friends.
Yeah, I want what is best for her of course. I know that if we were ever a 'meant-to-be' thing then she will find her way back to me.
I understand that on paper it sounds like she just has simply lost interest in me, but you really needed to see her circumstance and just how defeated she was because of her course to understand why she broke it off with me. Sure, she may never come back. But we had such a good thing going and neither of us wanted it to end that I believe there is a half-decent possibility she will find me again when she's ready. Even that day when she was dead cold towards me, she told me that she didn't want our relationship to end.
In the meantime though, yes, I will be working on myself and my future.
Those two bolded passages are contradictory. If you two had such a good thing going, she's want you around for the support, after having to quit her program. That's what a devoted SO is for--to lean on in tough times. The underlined also makes no sense. She's either not firing on all cylinders, or she's lying/hiding something from you.
I suppose there's a possibility that she's so devastated by having to quit the program that she just wants to crawl in a hole and withdraw for awhile. But she did say (more than once?) that you two will never be anything but friends. That's pretty harsh. I think you should take that seriously, and get on with your life, as puzzling as all of it is. You really don't have much choice.
That's outrageous, but I've heard of similar things happening, on the Education forum. You might post about this there, to get feedback from others who really struggled through teacher training with a difficult lead teacher, or with a difficult ed co-ordinator at the university. Weird things can happen.
What exams did this person deliberately fail her on? With exams, you either know the material or you don't, so she might have recourse. Or was it more like performance reviews? Maybe someone on the Education forum could suggest other avenues for her to pursue, OP. Not that that would help you, since she's not communicating with you.
So, I don't see why she pushed you away, since she dropped out of her program, anyway. It means she has plenty of time for you. So I'll have to agree with oh-eve, and say that there were other reasons. Or it could be depression.
Essentially, as part of her teacher training course (they call it the PGCE) each student has to attend 2 placements over the course of the year. One school is supposed to be a "struggling" school, the other an "outstanding" one. It's just our luck that my girlfriend was difficult to place in a school given her location, so she got thrown into the deep end with the "struggling" school.
In the placement they have to take on lessons and they're observed by the teachers and by her mentor at the school. She loved the lessons. I could see it in her face when she talked to me about it that she couldn't get enough of the teaching aspect. Her students loved her. The teachers thought she was great and gave her really positive feedback. But their feedback wasn't official. The mentor's was. The mentor gave my ex literally no positive feedback, meaning her grade never got off the "Beginner" level.
This meant that my ex had to massively overperform in her second placement to achieve the required pass grade. And of course, this all lead to her getting panicky about it. Eventually, she just gave up. Gave up on herself, her ability, her hopes and dreams, and ultimately everything around her. Including me.
I hope this is providing a little bit more helpful context to the situation.
This meant that my ex had to massively overperform in her second placement to achieve the required pass grade. And of course, this all lead to her getting panicky about it. Eventually, she just gave up. Gave up on herself, her ability, her hopes and dreams, and ultimately everything around her. Including me.
I hope this is providing a little bit more helpful context to the situation.
Wow. How about you get some counseling, just to process this? I think she's left you no choice but to move on, but this obviously has been a shock to you, and very bewildering. I think in the short-term, you could benefit from having someone to talk to about it, and help you get through it.
Those two bolded passages are contradictory. If you two had such a good thing going, she's want you around for the support, after having to quit her program. That's what a devoted SO is for--to lean on in tough times. The underlined also makes no sense. She's either not firing on all cylinders, or she's lying/hiding something from you.
I suppose there's a possibility that she's so devastated by having to quit the program that she just wants to crawl in a hole and withdraw for awhile. But she did say (more than once?) that you two will never be anything but friends. That's pretty harsh. I think you should take that seriously, and get on with your life, as puzzling as all of it is. You really don't have much choice.
I told her that I should be there for her a month ago when we split up. I said surely it would be better for her. I think perhaps part of the problem was that she thought it would be taking its toll on me. She did say that she wasn't able to give 100% because of all the pressure on her, and so asking me to put up with her distance and unhappiness any longer would have been cruel. She did say that she didn't want to just be with me "for the sake of it." As for the underlined bit, what would you suggest she is hiding? And what do you mean "not firing on all cylinders"?
Honestly, I think she was totally devastated. I could see it the day she split up with me and I could see her growing more devastated about the whole teacher training thing for a couple of weeks before it. She only said we would never be more than friends once, and that was the day she was strangely cold towards me. I asked her the day we split up if there was any chance we could work things out when she's figured herself out and she didn't say "yes" or "no," she simply said "I can't give you an answer to that." That just tells me that was totally confused at the time, and probably still was when I last spoke to her. Honestly, she probably didn't even know why she was breaking up with me.
My first thought is that she met someone else and the rest is just stories to soften the blow.
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