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So, basically several weeks ago, my ex and I broke up. At the beginning of the breakup I was doing better than I am today. We went into no contact. She messaged me first, and I didn't reply for some time since I had no idea how. Eventually anxiety and emotions got to me, and I sent her a message basically thanking her for our time together, and just talking about the relationship and the feelings, of course not begging her or telling her how depressed I am, more like reminding her of the good times and what we had. It took her some time to look at it , and a couple days later she looked at it (she had already unfriended me on facebook after some time of not replying to her), and accepted my chat request. I felt a lot better that she looked at my message because she at least looked at that I had to say. I think she's going through some serious depression as well she even completely deleted the messenger app. The point of this post isn't to get my ex back. I know one day we will cross paths again, since I think one of the major reasons for the breakup was because our relationship was affecting our school.
I have realized that the breakup has opened wounds from the past, I didn't really go through depression during those events, I got over it really fast, and I was getting to the point that I had no feelings. After the break up, I was able to feel again, I felt the pain from the breakup and still do after weeks. I went through the loss of nearly all close people to me who shaped who I am today, my brother, step dad, dad, and grandma. All within a 2 year time frame. I can feel every single one of those losses including the breakup at once. I'm majoring in computer science and mathematics, I have lost a lot of interest in school considering my GPA is the highest it can be, my grades are plummeting, I have lost interest in all my hobbies including soccer, reef keeping, gaming now and then, and rock climbing. I stopped working because I don't feel emotionally stable . I can't even look at girls the same way I use to, it's like I'm not interested in any of them anymore. I feel like all the people in my life who have left abandoned me, even though it wasn't their decision. I stopped going to classes, and spend a lot of time sleeping, and every time I get up anxiety hits me, and I want to back to sleep. To top it off, I get suicide thoughts, and I go through every scenario in my head of the aftermath, but I know I won't do it, but I'm constantly thinking of it. What is wrong with me ?
What is wrong with you - well, you describe many things that a professional therapist could help identify, isolate, and possibly remedy. You aren't really looking for relationship advice, you have a list of personal emotional and psychological issues that need immediate attention. No one on the internet is going to give you what you need, and chat forums aren't even allowed to give professional advice about clinical treatment of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.
Start by calling a suicide hotline asap, and get immediate care for that. Your life is worth living, and it is worth saving.
Listen to the above posters. Get help ASAP. This is the time that's ok to be selfish and love yourself first. Take good care of yourself. Meditate daily will help to calm your anxiety and let you see more clearly of what's going on. Exercise, get out the house, join a meetup. Keep busy.
I noticed that when I suffered a breakup, it seemed to wake up all of the other memories to feel sorry about. It's sort of normal but it's no good. Fortunately, it's not likely to be permanent. But definitely get some help. It should be readily accessible if you're a student since most schools and universities have mental health clinics.
Other advice: don't drink. It only depresses you more. Try to eat right. Get some lean protein and fresh fruits and vegetables. Yes, exercise. Walk at the very least.
And talk to your professors. Check in during their office hours and let each one know that you've been depressed but are getting help with it. They will be supportive and will probably give you advice on how to save your GPA.
The good thing is that you're really not alone. Depression is treatable. Since yours was triggered by a series of traumatic events, leaning to work through your grief and loss will get you in a better state of mind if you are patient with yourself. Hang in there.
no one know has any clue if you are a legit poster.
but because you mentioned SUICIDE, I will only say times will get better. Suicide is permanent. All relationships are temporary also. Realize this in life, enjoy those while they last, and look at the positives.
With all of the people that committed suicide, I wonder if they just waited 2 years and looked back if they'd be happy that they didn't then. But they'll never know.
I'm not convinced you are a real poster though. Contribute to the discussion to prove me wrong.
Yes, you need professional help. I'm sorry for your loss, and sounds like that is the underlying issue. You probably didn't give yourself enough time to grieve the loss, of those four people who you were close to in that short period of time. That was a tough two years, and I would have probably worked on myself first after all that. Take a break from dating and work on you, you need to cope with the loss of your loved ones, you need to heal.
no one know has any clue if you are a legit poster.
.
I have another account on here, which is two weeks old. I never saw myself posting on forums like this, I'm big on privacy, I don't want someone I know finding my posts online. I might contact my teachers regarding my problems. I can't seem to want to seek help though, doing so might result in my mom finding out, and that's the last thing I need. She already has enough on her plate, problems that my stepdad left behind such as bankruptcy, foreclosure, and debt. She works all day, I only see her 2 hours a day. The other reason I don't want to get help is because eventually my mom will know I was dating and ask about it, I kept my relationship a secret. I've been trying things to try to help me, but nothing I do seems to help, I tried going out with friends, doing sports, trying my hobbies, I even tried to go on dating sites, I get their number then I don't reply again since I lose interest. I did go to class today, I felt confident, but in my head I found myself thinking of my ex and everything else, went home immediately after my exam and anxiety hit me. I also ate today after not feeling hungry for 2 days and not eating.
So, basically several weeks ago, my ex and I broke up. At the beginning of the breakup I was doing better than I am today. We went into no contact. She messaged me first, and I didn't reply for some time since I had no idea how. Eventually anxiety and emotions got to me, and I sent her a message basically thanking her for our time together, and just talking about the relationship and the feelings, of course not begging her or telling her how depressed I am, more like reminding her of the good times and what we had. It took her some time to look at it , and a couple days later she looked at it (she had already unfriended me on facebook after some time of not replying to her), and accepted my chat request. I felt a lot better that she looked at my message because she at least looked at that I had to say. I think she's going through some serious depression as well she even completely deleted the messenger app. The point of this post isn't to get my ex back. I know one day we will cross paths again, since I think one of the major reasons for the breakup was because our relationship was affecting our school.
I have realized that the breakup has opened wounds from the past, I didn't really go through depression during those events, I got over it really fast, and I was getting to the point that I had no feelings. After the break up, I was able to feel again, I felt the pain from the breakup and still do after weeks. I went through the loss of nearly all close people to me who shaped who I am today, my brother, step dad, dad, and grandma. All within a 2 year time frame. I can feel every single one of those losses including the breakup at once. I'm majoring in computer science and mathematics, I have lost a lot of interest in school considering my GPA is the highest it can be, my grades are plummeting, I have lost interest in all my hobbies including soccer, reef keeping, gaming now and then, and rock climbing. I stopped working because I don't feel emotionally stable . I can't even look at girls the same way I use to, it's like I'm not interested in any of them anymore. I feel like all the people in my life who have left abandoned me, even though it wasn't their decision. I stopped going to classes, and spend a lot of time sleeping, and every time I get up anxiety hits me, and I want to back to sleep. To top it off, I get suicide thoughts, and I go through every scenario in my head of the aftermath, but I know I won't do it, but I'm constantly thinking of it. What is wrong with me ?
You're in college, Go to the counseling center ASAP, and make an appointment. They're there for people like you. Your tuition pays for the service, so it's free. The counselors there can do a lot more for you than we can. They're trained to deal with precisely the issues you present.
I have another account on here, which is two weeks old. I never saw myself posting on forums like this, I'm big on privacy, I don't want someone I know finding my posts online. I might contact my teachers regarding my problems. I can't seem to want to seek help though, doing so might result in my mom finding out, and that's the last thing I need. She already has enough on her plate, problems that my stepdad left behind such as bankruptcy, foreclosure, and debt. She works all day, I only see her 2 hours a day. The other reason I don't want to get help is because eventually my mom will know I was dating and ask about it, I kept my relationship a secret. I've been trying things to try to help me, but nothing I do seems to help, I tried going out with friends, doing sports, trying my hobbies, I even tried to go on dating sites, I get their number then I don't reply again since I lose interest. I did go to class today, I felt confident, but in my head I found myself thinking of my ex and everything else, went home immediately after my exam and anxiety hit me. I also ate today after not feeling hungry for 2 days and not eating.
Your mom won't find out. It's against the law for counselors to tell anyone what you discussed. You will be glad you got help. There's no stigma to it.
Last edited by ellie; 02-03-2017 at 08:22 PM..
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