Guys: Is playing hard-to-get a reason to dump a woman after getting what you want from her? (movies, single)

[RbccL]

Originally Posted by bikegal

And I thought this topic was about guys dumping a girl after that...

No it's about wimmenz being mean again.
Hey I know: when a woman acts like she's not interested in a guy, he should leave her alone.
Win/win

[Rise of virtue]

Women who play hard to get are just interested in wasting your time. Not worth it at all.

[old_cold]

There are some men that consider a woman playing hard to get a challenge and once they have 'won' they are no longer interested.

[TaoistDude]

Women who play games, may be played with in return.

While I would probably just bail as soon as I realized that, some men may like the challenge. Then, of course, they figure the games would continue even if they "win" the first round, and she'd be manipulative in other ways, so not worth dating.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by 49ersfan27

I know know a guy who is super shy and all the women think he's always playing hard to get. He really isn't though..

"All the women"? You somehow talked to "all the women" who this guy knows? I don't think so. I don't think you talked to any of them. And we know you are FAR from a mindreader.

So let's he honest here, which I know is very difficult for you: You have NO IDEA what these women are thinking, and are just guessing based on your flawed perception of reality. You really need to stop doing this--putting thoughts in other people's heads.

[49ersfan27]

Originally Posted by Brady To Gronk

Because women generally expect men to be fawning over them. The guy you know comes off as not giving a hoot, even if that's not the case. It's like telling a fat person they can't eat the entire buffet. They take it as a personal challenge.

Who knows why tbh. Even the shyest of men eventually find a woman they want to ask out.

[49erfan916]

thank God that I'm at that age range that playing hard to get doesn't exist as much.

[ocnjgirl]

I have never been dumped for playing hard to get, however in my young, stupid days, I was dumped MANY times after having sex too early. So in my experience it's the opposite, men don't respect a woman who is too easy to get.

[Aldaoudeyeh]

Originally Posted by RbccL

I've never played hard to get, but I have had a difficult time with some men not taking a hint that I'm not interested. Even if I say this isn't working out.
Since this 'playing hard to get' is such a common theme, maybe some men misinterpret and the lady just isn't interested?

She's probably relieved when the guy finally gives up and she gets 'kicked to the curb' then.

‘Not interested’ means that you tell him ‘not interested’, rather than waste his time for a few hours of even days and weeks.

Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30

Playing hard to get is all part of the fun of courtship which I absolutely LOVE as it's exciting and adds to the chase/thrill

I'm sure if sex has already occurred then playing hard to get probably won't be the reason the bloke moved on , it usually happens BEFORE sex and in most cases it ends because the bloke can't read the signs, take the hint or cant be bothered with going through the motions of playfully playing hard to get

It is interesting how some people justify waste of time

Originally Posted by D217

Congratulations!

Now you are aware that the actions of unconscious human behavior is what creates a vicious circle!

So, the real question is: What are YOU gonna do about it?

Originally Posted by somebodynew

What is the mentality of going into a relationship with the intention of "getting what they like"? If they have gotten "what they like" why do they need a justifiable excuse to pursue it no further?

Originally Posted by GeoffD

Threads like this make me wonder if the human race is sustainable. This is how 17-year-old boys view relationships and sex. What adult woman would put up with it?

What creates the ‘vicious circle’ is this:

1. women play hard-to-get
2. men get sick of this situation
3. they continue pursing the girl by deceiving her
4. they then dump her after getting whatever they want from her making her feel used
5. women re-activate the ‘vicious circle’ by playing hard to get again

Also, similar arguments apply when men dump women after getting what they want. They just note how much unnecessary barriers the woman put, just for the sake of drawing attention and get the feeling that she is a ‘princess.’ So after men get what they like, the simply dump her so that she comes to this forum and start ranting about her failures to get a guy to commit!

Originally Posted by bellakin123

^^This!


There's a difference between being coy, flirty and not giving in so easily (but definitely showing interest) versus playing hard to get by sending mixed signals. I completely agree that it's exciting and adds to the thrill. (LC, you and I think waaaaaaaaay too much alike )


Not sure how a woman would/could play hard to get if they already sex

Then you did not understand or purposefully misinterpreted, the question. Hard-to-get means that she tries to put more barriers just because she wants to draw attention without having a real intention to go on dates even when registering on a dating site! Of course, many women who do so end up dropping their shields for jerks and then they develop the notion that ‘all men are the same.’

Originally Posted by Whyrallnamestaken

So it's a game if I don't give you what you want.

I'm playing hard to get if I don't give you what you want.

It is a game if you do not really have the intention to date although you say so in the site you are registering to. Sorry if you don’t like the truth, but this will not make it any less true than it currently is!

Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30

Yes either that or she's just losing/lost interest

Or she is interested in getting a relationship, but once she gets some attention, the standards get very high and guys note that, so they either lose interest in a genuine relationship or she just attract guys who want nothing but short-term pleasure.

Originally Posted by Mikala43

Hard to get as "get away from me you creep" versus "I've enjoyed our first date, get your hand off my boob"?

In my experience, guys like girls who are hard to get. Ones who have a life, aren't' desperate for male attention, have hobbies, and are looking for someone who adds to their lives (and the other way around).

Not really. Guys like the girls who don’t seem to be looking for any relationship, but going to a dating site, registering and stating explicitly that you want to date, but still don’t even respond to messages that don’t start with sexting or comments about appearance is really some irritating thing. If anyone is not looking for dating, then they should not specify that you want to date and write in your profile that you just want friendship or chat. That’s it!

Originally Posted by GKelly

I never said that. I don't know what a guy will do after sex and sometimes neither does the guy. I have heard of situations where the guy just knew he wasn't going to see a girl again after the fact that they've had sex.

This! They dump her because she was a pain to interact with so they would have no problem leaving her as soon as they get some benefit out of their efforts with her.

Originally Posted by tassity22

What do you consider playing hard to get?


A person setting boundaries is not playing hard to get. She may just be trying to protect herself.


I personally, would never go out with someone at the last minute. I needed at least a few days notice for a date. So just because someone can't snap their fingers and make me do something, doesn't mean I'm playing any game.


Also, a woman refusing to have sex on the first date is not playing hard to get. She is being smart and wanting to get to know someone better. There are many social diseases out there, these days. She may want to get to know someone first.

I assure you that even though many girls really had some bad experiences because of male abuse or double-sided abuse, most of playing hard-to-get situations are more about drawing attention and getting attracted to jerks rather than legit and reasonable self-protection efforts!

Explain how to attract your attention? Most girls just view it in a very corrupted way

Originally Posted by Luck-67

Most guys are impatient and don't have the nerve or stomach to wait 'em out. That said....I'd hope she got what she wanted as well.

Or most women are not mature enough to stop playing hard-to-get once they actually get some attention!

Originally Posted by zentropa

How was your sex date, OP?

How to prepare for immediate sex with a woman in the first real-life encounter?

Someone’s misandry. There are also plenty of girls here who posted about their desires for sex. What do you have to say about them?

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

I'm still kind of confused as to what this thread is about, since generally if a woman is playing hard to get, then the guy hasn't really gotten what he wanted. And if they've done the deed and she's being evasive, that's probably more "delete my number" than "hard to get."

Originally Posted by Mikala43

Agreed. But the OP sometimes means something different that what it seems. Until he clarifies, I am stumped as to what he means.

It sounds like she didn't put out fast enough, so he wants to "punish' her for that?

Or she tries to turn the “(fill that word) **de” on?

Originally Posted by zentropa

And this guy NEVER comes back to his own OP! It's irritating.

Or I do, except that I prefer to respond to replies in one post

Originally Posted by BusyBeeee

Yup. If the woman is interested but is playing hard to get, she should do her part and be receptive, respond, flirt, and go on dates.

But most aren’t really interested in considering the possibilities of doing these things or not interested in dating altogether. Why did you register on a dating site in the first place then?

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

I've never heard of this, OP. Where did you get this idea?

It is correct. I wonder why you don’t believe that it is such a common thing, or, at least, it is not something rare.

Originally Posted by tassity22

I've found that many guys can't give examples of playing games. But it usually means the man is not getting what he wants. Which doesn't mean the woman is playing games with him. She's just telling him "no".

• Register on a site, specify that you want dating, and not respond to messages and, sometimes, not even read them = childish/erratic behavior.
• Go to a bar alone and claim that you are there to just drink. If you aren’t rich enough not to mind paying 80$ a night for drinks that could otherwise cost 20$ at home, then you aren’t really there to drink. Say that you are there to chill with friends, but a restaurant is probably better place to chill, isn’t it?
• Wear clothes that expose a lot of your body, blame those who stare. Wearing in such fashion is seldom about autonomy as such kind of clothes tend to be expensive and people have a hard time trying to get their clothes to look good when put together. More often than not, women wear exposing clothes because they want to draw attention, but once they get it, they don’t want it anymore!
• On a dating site, post pics that expose your body with sexual implications. Don’t respond to those who show interest, even when they don’t start by talking about appearance or sex right away = hard-to-get
• Come to this forum, post a topic about not being able to find a good man. Most men are invisible to you in everyday situations = hard-to-get.
• Post a personal ad. Request that message headline be changed to particular word to weed out spams. Ask for name, age, “a little bit about yourself”, and “no d*** pic.” Get all of those in a message, and never respond = hard-to-get.

And this:

Originally Posted by LeaveWI

I'll give it a try:


Saying "yes we can go out" but then always being busy, making just enough time for the guy to keep him from moving on.
Expressing interest, but keeping a distance, never allowing anything to develop, usually by using the tired "Let's take it slow" but going at a pace that would make a glacier seem fast

Acting very interested, but then lukewarm and extremely non-committal when he asks about dating-

Seems happy to want to spend time with him, but sets strict "rules" about when he can call, or see her.
Mixed signals (hot, cold, lukewarm, cold again)

Making the man "chase" her by showing interest, then not showing any, then back again


I agree its on the guy if he allows himself to be treated this way, but still.

[Londoncowboy30]

OP RE ^^^ " It is interesting how some people justify waste of time "?

How is chasing someone and going through the motions of dating a waste of time? ( if that's what you mean? )

It's only a waste of time if they're not interested and made it clear they are not but unfortunately many blokes can't read signs or even KNOW how to go through the motions of dating and mistake it as not interested when really ......