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So, I've been irrevocably in love with the same man for six years. We met when he was twenty-seven and I was twenty-one. We've been on & off but never fully committed because he "wasn't ready". Although it may sound pathetic, I could never stop loving him, no matter how many times I tried to 'turn off' my feelings, love was still there. We'd fight, I'd leave for mnths on end, them come back, then we'd fight again, he'd leave for months on end, then come back. In between our times apart, I'd casually date but find myself wishing these men were him. The love I have for him is too pure for description.
Anyway, he called me 2 weeks ago after a two month 'break', very emotional saying this " I can't stand a life without you any more. I'm tired of fighting. I never want to lose you again. I want you in my life forever. I'm ready to change. Nothing else compares to what we have. I love you." Now, this sounds like a dream come true to a girl like me, right? Well, yes and no. A week before receiving this call, I found out that I had contracted hvs2 from a young man I received [bleep] sex from on one of our "breaks". This may sound insane but before he called professing his feelings to me, it was not so hard to accept the fact that I had to live with hsv2 because our last fight was so horrible that I was sure we'd never speak again. I had just began to feel 'ok' about being single for the rest of my life because he was the only one I wanted to be with anyway. But when he called and said finally "I want to be with you" right after my diagnosis, I felt like dying. I still feel like dying. What's the point of life if you can't experience one of its most precious gifts? This is the only person I've ever wanted to be with and now I can't.
We've spent some time together since his call. He's even tried to have sex with me but I just tell him 'I'm not in the mood' or on my period. I'd never hurt him. I'd never hurt him. I'd never infect him. I've read some articles saying that you can't spread the disease if you don't have an outbreak but I don't know how true that information is. I'd never risk it. But he's growing suspicious, asking me why I don't really want to have sex. Asking me if its him. Asking me if I find him unattractive. We've had great sex often in the past. We're usually all over each other and now I just cant.
I know I need to tell him soon. Every time I speak to him now, he's making plans for our future together; a house, children etc. But I keep avoiding it because I know that the day I tell him is probably the last day I'll ever see him. In my heart I want to believe that when I tell him, he won't care. But I know that won't be likely. I feel like nothing. Less than nothing. Damaged goods. I need some advice. Please no disrespectful comments. What should I do?
Now I'm confused. I thought you could spread it, even without an outbreak, even with protection.
Anyway just tell him and get it over with. The better the sooner. If it is meant to be, he can get past it. But if you get intimate with him and tell him afterwards it will be a lot harder for him to get over it.
There's also a matter of context, concerning how big of a deal it is. For someone like me, whose never had anything, it would be a deal breaker.
Another poster mentioned that it was odd and your situation was something from 50 years ago. I don't think so. You can get close to someone without that aspect of the relationship. But it does help if both parties can agree on why that is the case. Sounds like a tease, but that's just how it reads from the way you've described the situation. Then again I'm not sure if you're saying you haven't been with him, in that way, since your diagnosis or you haven't been with him in general. If the former you definitely have to tell him. If the later, then of course you should tell him or you could just break it off with him and take it to your grave. Personal choice.
Now I'm confused. I thought you could spread it, even without an outbreak, even with protection.
Anyway just tell him and get it over with. The better the sooner. If it is meant to be, he can get past it. But if you get intimate with him and tell him afterwards it will be a lot harder for him to get over it.
A lot of people have it but don't know that they do because sometimes they show no symptoms of it.
A lot of people have it but don't know that they do because sometimes they show no symptoms of it.
True but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm referring to people that should bag it up, because the other person has it, but they don't because they thought it was safe because the other person did not show any symptoms.
I think you're referring to people that don't know they have it until their partner shows symptoms.
True but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm referring to people that should bag it up, because the other person has it, but they don't because they thought it was safe because the other person did not show any symptoms.
I think you're referring to people that don't know they have it until their partner shows symptoms.
I agree. I would always use a condom when having sex because you don't know what anyone out there has.
I agree. I would always use a condom when having sex because you don't know what anyone out there has.
Definitely. Also consider the OPs age, and that of the individual in question, and they were both in their twenties at the outset of the relationship. So I wonder if he hasn't already been exposed to the virus, or will inevitably, because of what will transpire between him and the OP regardless of whether she tells him or not.
Unusual that he's talking about a house and kids and you haven't even had sex yet or I guess anything even close to it? This almost sounds like something from 50 years ago....
Anyway, yeah, ya gotta tell him - you've never had this talk with anyone else? So you haven't had sex since the guy who gave it to you? Good luck.
in the six years i've known him we've have tons of sex. the last time we had sex was a little over 2 months ago, before our last fight. in that time frame apart, i contracted the hvs2 from another young man who i received Mod cut. from. since i have contracted this disease, i have not had sex with him again. now he wants to make up and be with me and i feel like i cant because of herpes. i hope this message was more concise.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-22-2017 at 07:23 AM..
Reason: Not PG-13.
Now I'm confused. I thought you could spread it, even without an outbreak, even with protection.
Anyway just tell him and get it over with. The better the sooner. If it is meant to be, he can get past it. But if you get intimate with him and tell him afterwards it will be a lot harder for him to get over it.
There's also a matter of context, concerning how big of a deal it is. For someone like me, whose never had anything, it would be a deal breaker.
Another poster mentioned that it was odd and your situation was something from 50 years ago. I don't think so. You can get close to someone without that aspect of the relationship. But it does help if both parties can agree on why that is the case. Sounds like a tease, but that's just how it reads from the way you've described the situation. Then again I'm not sure if you're saying you haven't been with him, in that way, since your diagnosis or you haven't been with him in general. If the former you definitely have to tell him. If the later, then of course you should tell him or you could just break it off with him and take it to your grave. Personal choice.
We've been intimate the entire six years up until my diagnosis. I haven't touched him since and i won't.
i told him. he came to see me after work. everything was normal at first. we were laughing, talking, eating, watching television, the usual stuff. after a while he started kissing me and trying to initiate sex. mind you i hadn't intended on telling him this particular day, i mean i intended on telling him eventually but i'd been stalling. we still hadn't had sex since i contracted the disease and he hadn't brought up sex or tried to make a move in the last few days so i was just sort of waiting it out.
anyways, when he started kissing and touching me i stopped him and said 'we need to talk.' he asked 'whats going on?" And i just said "I have a disease." I know. I know. Maybe not the best choice of words but I haven't even said "I have herpes" out load to myself. Its been hard to push the actual word herpes out of my mouth. of course he asked what disease and i hold him. he was quiet for a while. a hard and awkward silence filled the room for at least five minutes. He sort of just went blank but i could see him thinking. I went to the bathroom and just cried. it was from a mixture of shame and his reaction. he was the first person i ever told other than you guys on the other side of my computer screen.
in any case, he came in the bathroom and hugged me. Told said it would be okay and that we would 'work things out.' there was a light interrogation about who i was with and how long have i known about my herpes. i told him. i also told him that he was at no risk. he said he was disappointed in me and my decisions because it effects us both but he still loves me and appreciates my honesty. after about an hour of talking, he kissed me on the cheek, said "i'll call you soon" and left. By the next morning i had no calls or texts. I didn't freak out completely, I figured he needed time to process. the next day i called him/texted him and got no response. that was two days ago. I still haven't heard from him. He's also blocked me on social media.
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an update
