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Okay, here it comes. I had three dates with the same guy in the past two weeks.
1. Date - we met at a brewery half way distance. He offered to drive the two hours down to my city. I found this awesome but said we can meet halfway. He drove an hour South, I drove an hour North. We each had a beer and he offered to eat something. I declined. He paid, I reached for my wallet, he declined. We walked around for another 2 hours.
2. Date - we met halfway again in a sportsbar to watch UFC. Again, he offered to come to my city and drive 2 hours. We each had two drinks and then he ordered a pizza (I declined) but then he gave me some pieces. I said "this time, I pay" and he said "no way."
3. Date - I drove two hours North because I got free gas and a car from work for the weekend. We walked on the beach forever with our dogs, went hiking, went to dinner. I picked one of the cheaper meals on the menu. When the bill came and he wanted to pay I said "I feel guilty, let me at least pay half." he said "I like that you offer and I will take you up on it every now and then. But generally, I like to take care of my woman. And you came up there all the way to see me. Next time I will drive down to your city"
He earns at least twice as much than I do. So where am I a bad person here in this scenario?
Doesn't make you a bad person. It simply makes you a western woman and that is how it normally goes. Now, what if he accepted your offer and you ended up paying since the first date?
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Originally Posted by BellaLind
Every man who was truly interested in me never let me pay. My current boyfriend never lets me pay for anything. Even when I buy movie tickets or something he always insists on paying me back. I used to try, but I don't anymore. He makes a lot more money than I do and he seems to enjoy paying for things.
What I don't understand is how women are totally submissive to a man's command of ordering a woman to not pay but have the man request any other thing and "No way! I won't let no man boss me around and tell me what to do! " I've gone out with women who have offered and really mean it. No weak "Oopsie! I tried to show I was going to open my purse." I have said its fine but they put their foot down and said they were happy to go out and wanted to do their part too and so on and on. I am talking about first dates. And we continued to go out just fine.
I do agree with this part. First date is typically drinks or coffee. Usually the guy won't let me pay for the first round, but I'll pick up the next round or pay for food or something.
Same. I usually showed up early and got my own drink, and typically offered to buy the first one when the guy arrived.
When I was dating, I found this to be the best insurance to avoid playing into the "nasty wimminz is always looking for freebies," stereotype that seemed to be a big concern among some guys on the dating scene at that point.
NO, I posted that typically if she offers to pay, typically it is a sign that she is not interested anyway so I might as well take the out that she offered and not waste money on someone who is going to decline me for a second date anyway. When I've declined her offer and paid more of the time she declines my offer for a second date, which I didn't expect.
Then she is not your type if you want a woman that just shows up to the date and that's it. I actually see it the other way around. These women I am talking about don't just pretend they are trying to offer, they actually mean it AND DO IT. Doing that shows me they are as interested as me to go out instead of feeling entitled simply because of their gender. It tells me they are into me and the dating activity as much as I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nut4sweets
Never on first date. I'll split tab with friends, whether male or female. I don't mind paying for once in awhile after we become a couple. I'll lost my romantic feelings for the guy if he expects me to pay 50/50 on dates. I'd charm him with my culinary skill instead. I'd fully contribute financially in a marriage. What's mine is his, and vice versa in marriage, and I wouldn't mind to support my spouse if he becomes disabled or sick, or just want a few years break to find his dream career.
So what reasons keep you from contributing to dating expenses? Until finally the time to marry a man knocks on your door what is his is yours and vice versa but when you are dating what is yours is yours and what is his is yours. I am confused.
Same. I usually showed up early and got my own drink, and typically offered to buy the first one when the guy arrived.
When I was dating, I found this to be the best insurance to avoid playing into the "nasty wimminz is always looking for freebies," stereotype that seemed to be a big concern among some guys on the dating scene at that point.
I think the bolded is more common among the younger set. Not a slam on them, but I've just haven't heard many guys in my age bracket make a fuss about picking up coffee of a couple of drinks, never once in fact, but that is just anectodally speaking, but here on the forum, many times and it tends to be the younger guys. Not a slam, just an observation.
Believe me, after having had more than 100 first dates, I kinda know the game and figure people out faster.
If he is too cheap to pay $10 for my drink (I never spend a lot), he is not the guy I want in my life. He will not appreciate me, not respect me, be talking too much about money, be stingy, and overall not be a good person.
If a man that does not want to pay $10 is stingy then how do you call a woman that doesn’t want to spend $10?
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I am old fashioned. And it is good etiquette
So being old-fashioned means a guy will ask you out, pay for your expenses, court and romance you, and so on. Is there anything an old-fashioned that women would do for a man other than just showing up to a date? What is good etiquette from an old-fashioned woman? Just curious.
I just saw your earlier post where you said you also do your old-fashioned part by going to his place to cook, wash dishes, clean his place, etc. while he pays for your expenses, courts and romances you, fixes stuff, provides, etc. Cool. That's what works for you two.
I think the bolded is more common among the younger set. Not a slam on them, but I've just haven't heard many guys in my age bracket make a fuss about picking up coffee of a couple of drinks, never once in fact, but that is just anectodally speaking, but here on the forum, many times and it tends to be the younger guys. Not a slam, just an observation.
Slowly it seems women are finally contributing to dating expenses since the first date in western culture. I've asked a few high school students about this and they say they just think it is the right thing to do. It seems time does change certain behaviors in any area of life not just dating. Personally, I think this change is good. Never understood gender entitlements or gender expectations.
One can subscribe to traditional gender roles in their relationships and still be a feminist.
What is your traditional gender role? I would suppose it would be to go to his place to cook, wash his dishes, clean, etc. While he fulfills his traditional role to be the one who courts and pursues you, takes initiative, takes care of your expenses, proposes, buys you a ring, talks to your family, provides, etc. right? A female poster mentioned traditional roles so I guess it would be the same.
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" I've gone out with women who have offered and really mean it. No weak "Oopsie! I tried to show I was going to open my purse." I have said its fine but they put their foot down and said they were happy to go out and wanted to do their part too and so on and on. I am talking about first dates. And we continued to go out just fine.
