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I believe she said that her parents were coming in May, for a kind of engagement party, so she thought he'd propose up to and before the engagement party...when they came in May.
Then why, oh why, do you want to marry someone from a culture with the MOST WOMEN SUPPRESSING and DISRESPECTING views in the world?? Have you ever been in his country? I urge you to take a trip there and see how people are. Because this is him and your life with him.
It is not just Arabic Muslim culture. Look at Chinese culture. Indian culture. Heck, even American culture.
And Lebanon is a very progressive country in the Middle East. It is actually more Christian than Muslim.
She's mad. We're all allowed a little drama from time to time, and there's nothing like wedding planning to spike the drama up even more.
Thevoicewithin...do you think maybe he felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place in this? Or do you feel like it was his way or the highway? Basically...what was his attitude in this?
Sorry. I must have missed your post.
I think he feels stuck. He talked to my sister who then set this meeting up. But I still feel like they could have reached out to me first and let me know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
"could propose anytime from January to May"?
I believe she said that her parents were coming in May, for a kind of engagement party, so she thought he'd propose up to and before the engagement party...when they came in May.
Yes. Exactly. Our parents set up the engagement party since neither of them want us "unmarried" and just dating. This was in January. So I thought he would propose from Jan-May. Thanks for understanding.
Your bf did everything backward. He should go ahead and ask your dad for your hand (without telling you), then planned a surprise proposal, then planned the engagement party with the family. I'm a very independent woman like you, have lived on my own since college, despite my mother's protest that single woman shouldn't live on her own until marriage. Yes, our culture is pretty much like yours. An engagement party is more like a wedding ceremony where two families meet and actually approve our marriage going forward. I yielded to that to make both families happy even when both my ex and I knew it's our marriage, our call. It doesn't hurt to make everything smooth sailing going forward, and to make parents on both sides happy. However, since an official engagement party was already set for May, he should forgo both the asking the dad and the proposal altogether, and especially knowing how you felt about it. You both seem immature to get married at this point.
Look, you may both be good people, but not good together, if that makes sense. He is telling in no uncertain terms that his culture, his beliefs about the roles of men and women, etc. are firmly entrenched and important enough to him for him to override your wishes with impunity. He firmly believes it's the right thing to do, and maybe it is, or maybe it's not, but you don't agree with it and feel just as strongly as he does.
If you do go forward with this marriage, consider this the first of many showdowns along the same lines. Ask yourself if you really want to ride this roller coaster. It's not to late to get off.
Your bf did everything backward. He should go ahead and ask your dad for your hand (without telling you), then planned a surprise proposal, then planned the engagement party with the family. I'm a very independent woman like you, have lived on my own since college, despite my mother's protest that single woman shouldn't live on her own until marriage. Yes, our culture is pretty much like yours. An engagement party is more like a wedding ceremony where two families meet and actually approve our marriage going forward. I yielded to that to make both families happy even when both my ex and I knew it's our marriage, our call. It doesn't hurt to make everything smooth sailing going forward, and to make parents on both sides happy. However, since an official engagement party was already set for May, he should forgo both the asking the dad and the proposal altogether, and especially knowing how you felt about it. You both seem immature to get married at this point.
Yes. The funny thing is that we did not really set the engagement party. It is mainly parents worrying about us "just dating" and to gain some relief that it is not "in sin".
LOL at the single woman should not live alone. I tell my parents, I have two cats. I am not alone.
We want both sides to be happy but as I said, I zoned out not just his parents but mine too because I know all I ever hear is complaints from both ends. So we agreed to the May party and decided to keep things more personal. And then suddenly, him and my sister, lol...
It is not just Arabic Muslim culture. Look at Chinese culture. Indian culture. Heck, even American culture.
And Lebanon is a very progressive country in the Middle East. It is actually more Christian than Muslim.
I can understand your frustration, but it seems like this is already done. I would sit down with him and explain how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Maybe you could compromise and meet with your dad together instead of having him go by himself?
FWIW, I have a friend who is married to a Muslim Lebanese man and they are one of the most independent couples I know. I think there was a struggle to accept it when the friend worked with me because they weren't able to understand how a Muslim woman could be so independent. Her husband lived in a different city a lot of the time and they were just fine with that arrangement.
Look, you may both be good people, but not good together, if that makes sense. He is telling in no uncertain terms that his culture, his beliefs about the roles of men and women, etc. are firmly entrenched and important enough to him for him to override your wishes with impunity. He firmly believes it's the right thing to do, and maybe it is, or maybe it's not, but you don't agree with it and feel just as strongly as he does.
If you do go forward with this marriage, consider this the first of many showdowns along the same lines. Ask yourself if you really want to ride this roller coaster. It's not to late to get off.
^^^This.
And your sister needs to mind her own business.
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