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This is a pretty timely concept for me. I shared some photos on another site that I'm on, last night. They weren't too graphic, but not the sort of thing I want to blast out to a world full of strangers, either. It occurred to me, I hadn't trimmed my friend list in a long while, and when I went and had a look at it, there were a ton of people where I was just like, "Who the hell even are you? Do I know you? I don't remember why we are even friends at all?" I deleted over a dozen people.
Now they probably were friends of friends or people I had a great conversation with once and then never spoke to again, or I met them at a party but they didn't come back much or moved far away or whatever. I meet lots of people, so unless we keep interacting, odds are I won't remember those I met one time.
But with this situation, why would I add a complete stranger, especially a guy who wants to "creep" on me in some way, probably won't make any effort to become a significant contact, they'll just be eyeballing my pictures and writings and occasionally dropping a "like." I feel like, even if it were Facebook...maybe ESPECIALLY if it were...I'm just providing free entertaining content for his eyeballs and getting nothing whatsoever of any interest to me in return. And he's a stranger, so why would I care to give him my "friends only" content...like what motivation is there for me?
And frankly, TT, most guys who make contact with women on social media, no matter how cute she is or how much they have in common, they want to perv out on her pics, exchange some (hopefully) dirty talk where she's doing most of the talking and giving him fantasy fodder, he won't give anything of substance back in conversation, they'll never meet, and if she were even to suggest they meet up he'd flake on it. Guys on the internet don't want real people, they want porn basically. Even if it's not porny. They just want fantasy stuff, pics, videos, talk. Nothing more. The tremendous majority of them, particularly on social media. Or possibly worse, they want to wait and lurk for an opportunity to troll and bully her, because making her upset gets them even more excited than looking at her pictures does. They set up this "I want you but can't have you" frustration and then fire snarky, fussy little darts of attitude at her the minute they see the chance. They just can't wait to take that pretty girl they can't have, down a notch or two. There is no REAL interaction, no respect, nothing of value in it most of the time.
Frankly the way a lot of us have our social media set up, we make ourselves vulnerable to some degree by sharing personal information, thoughts, feelings, photos, whatever. Why do you think we should be obligated to give a chance to every rando stranger who wants to get his eyeballs up in our business? You need to stop viewing life like you're the only player character in a world of NPCs and try and think from the perspective of another person, to whom you are that random guy.
The exception here is when someone can go from being "that random guy" to "that interesting guy." But in order to do that, you have to stand out somehow. And merely consuming the same media doesn't do it. One of the best ways I know of is to show a talent (like music, art, or writing) or a very unique sense of style. But not everyone can do that, obviously, if they could, it wouldn't be special anymore.
Very good points. Although, I'm not one of "those guys" that are looking for fodder, I had partaken in having met my fellow geek "tribesmen and women" via the after parties and conventions. Even though they've seen me multiple times (in person), they are rather short with me when I try to chat with them.
One I recall is a woman trying to do the lewd Patreon thing (become a subscriber for her nudes) so...there ya go. Apparently, she's desiring to be fodder, but not without a little extra cash in her pocket outside of her gas station job she currently works at. So she's moving from cosplay, to that, or doing both.
She has developed a serious "shields up" with men and you can tell she's pretty toxic about it on her page. Social media also has become a platform to get people to feel sorry for you...to have people in your cheering section.
But, Sonic, what you described is contrary to what Meta holds near and dear to her heart. Now...I can't recall if she's developing these exclusive online friendships and relationships via social media, but I'm betting she is (Meta?
I have heard women write-off an entire CITY as being filled with undate-able men. I think there was a post in here about Phoenix AZ being one of them. But people weren't buying it.
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But with this situation, why would I add a complete stranger, especially a guy who wants to "creep" on me in some way, probably won't make any effort to become a significant contact, they'll just be eyeballing my pictures and writings and occasionally dropping a "like." I feel like, even if it were Facebook...maybe ESPECIALLY if it were...I'm just providing free entertaining content for his eyeballs and getting nothing whatsoever of any interest to me in return. And he's a stranger, so why would I care to give him my "friends only" content...like what motivation is there for me?
It is a touchy subject, because I sometimes don't get this. One time I was at a convention and ran into a long time old college-mate. Her and her sister were there and they complimented me on my costume. I had added her and her sister on FB. I get to chatting with the sister, and she actually comes up to my area to visit relatives.
I recall one time I saw some roller blading pics that she had done. I actually knew someone in my board game gruop that did this. I opened with, "Hey, I see you've done some roller blading, yes?"
SHe goes," Dude, that's creepy!" and I go" What's creepy?" and she said, "It's called FB creeping, you went back likes 3 years to look at my photos"
I was like "Um, you put them there...did you not?"
Apparently, we were not on the same page in regards to "Facebook etiquette" and she spoke to me as if I should have known better. There was something off-putting about her being put-off by that, but the level of paranoia when it's really on THEM for putting themselves out there and then, have someone comment on it and putting the blame on that person for being "creepy".
I cut ties with her, wrote her off as the tin foil hat variety.
Very good points. Although, I'm not one of "those guys" that are looking for fodder, I had partaken in having met my fellow geek "tribesmen and women" via the after parties and conventions. Even though they've seen me multiple times (in person), they are rather short with me when I try to chat with them.
One I recall is a woman trying to do the lewd Patreon thing (become a subscriber for her nudes) so...there ya go. Apparently, she's desiring to be fodder, but not without a little extra cash in her pocket outside of her gas station job she currently works at. So she's moving from cosplay, to that, or doing both.
She has developed a serious "shields up" with men and you can tell she's pretty toxic about it on her page. Social media also has become a platform to get people to feel sorry for you...to have people in your cheering section.
But, Sonic, what you described is contrary to what Meta holds near and dear to her heart. Now...I can't recall if she's developing these exclusive online friendships and relationships via social media, but I'm betting she is (Meta?
I have heard women write-off an entire CITY as being filled with undate-able men. I think there was a post in here about Phoenix AZ being one of them. But people weren't buying it.
It is a touchy subject, because I sometimes don't get this. One time I was at a convention and ran into a long time old college-mate. Her and her sister were there and they complimented me on my costume. I had added her and her sister on FB. I get to chatting with the sister, and she actually comes up to my area to visit relatives.
I recall one time I saw some roller blading pics that she had done. I actually knew someone in my board game gruop that did this. I opened with, "Hey, I see you've done some roller blading, yes?"
SHe goes," Dude, that's creepy!" and I go" What's creepy?" and she said, "It's called FB creeping, you went back likes 3 years to look at my photos"
I was like "Um, you put them there...did you not?"
Apparently, we were not on the same page in regards to "Facebook etiquette" and she spoke to me as if I should have known better.
Think of it in terms of give and take for a moment.
You are interested in them.
Why should they be interested in you?
What, about you, is interesting?
Like think of it this way. If you were to write a blog about your life, day to day, or one entry a week or month, would anyone want to read it? You are taking entertainment from them...whether that is enjoying their looks or whatever...but are you able to give any entertainment value back? Or are you pretty much a warm body consumer? I mean, what is in it for them, to connect with you?
Again, being common consumers of the same entertainment media, really only goes so far. At some point you've got to start showing that you've got some original thoughts.
But instead, I mean, you wanna talk about things that don't make sense... You want women to be happy to receive your interest, your ATTENTION, as a random guy...but then if they were to do so, if that does not also constitute an invitation to date (and why you? I mean, if they are sharing pics without the "shield" up are they supposed to date 5,000 men who love their pictures all at once? Does that woman owe every one of you special attention, or just YOU SPECIFICALLY? And if you, then why you?) But it's like, you feel she should be honored by your attention, but then you complain that she just wants attention.
You throw it at her face, and expect her to receive it happily, and get mad/confused when she does not...but you're the same guy who complains about women "just wanting attention" when they are not open to dating you, and you want them. Lots of guys want them. You are "random guy #5,896." Why should she date you? Why was the existence of that picture on the internet supposed to be an invitation of some kind?
Again, you don't understand because you are not trying to shift your brain to a different perspective from your own.
Very good points. Although, I'm not one of "those guys" that are looking for fodder, I had partaken in having met my fellow geek "tribesmen and women" via the after parties and conventions. Even though they've seen me multiple times (in person), they are rather short with me when I try to chat with them.
One I recall is a woman trying to do the lewd Patreon thing (become a subscriber for her nudes) so...there ya go. Apparently, she's desiring to be fodder, but not without a little extra cash in her pocket outside of her gas station job she currently works at. So she's moving from cosplay, to that, or doing both.
She has developed a serious "shields up" with men and you can tell she's pretty toxic about it on her page. Social media also has become a platform to get people to feel sorry for you...to have people in your cheering section.
But, Sonic, what you described is contrary to what Meta holds near and dear to her heart. Now...I can't recall if she's developing these exclusive online friendships and relationships via social media, but I'm betting she is (Meta?
I have heard women write-off an entire CITY as being filled with undate-able men. I think there was a post in here about Phoenix AZ being one of them. But people weren't buying it.
It is a touchy subject, because I sometimes don't get this. One time I was at a convention and ran into a long time old college-mate. Her and her sister were there and they complimented me on my costume. I had added her and her sister on FB. I get to chatting with the sister, and she actually comes up to my area to visit relatives.
I recall one time I saw some roller blading pics that she had done. I actually knew someone in my board game gruop that did this. I opened with, "Hey, I see you've done some roller blading, yes?"
SHe goes," Dude, that's creepy!" and I go" What's creepy?" and she said, "It's called FB creeping, you went back likes 3 years to look at my photos"
I was like "Um, you put them there...did you not?"
Apparently, we were not on the same page in regards to "Facebook etiquette" and she spoke to me as if I should have known better. There was something off-putting about her being put-off by that, but the level of paranoia when it's really on THEM for putting themselves out there and then, have someone comment on it and putting the blame on that person for being "creepy".
I cut ties with her, wrote her off as the tin foil hat variety.
What are you talking about? That I value friendships (and relationships) that formed online? If message boards and groups count as social media, then sure, social media.
Wanted to point out, that humanity is losing their interpersonal skills. Sadly, some people are preferring virtual friendships and relationships via online.
Personality clones are sought out instead and thus, they prefer texting over voice long distances. They even come to sites like (not all of us) but they come to sites like this with inane questions like on how to react to basic life situations like, "Why is that guy/gal staring at me? What should I do?" I tell you what, don't come to a message board asking that question.
They have lost the ability to communicate and relate to people. THus the aforementioned.
Totally clueless regarding human to human interaction. So those who do not know how to engage in the real world will remain clueless and thus remain in the comfort of non-face time interaction. They wind up being an anonymous wall flower, picking and choosing their social interactions.
Growing increasingly selective and therefore, increasingly isolated. to the point they don't feel comfortable in the real world and only have confidence when tucked away behind an avatar.
Think of it in terms of give and take for a moment.
You are interested in them.
Why should they be interested in you?
What, about you, is interesting?
Like think of it this way. If you were to write a blog about your life, day to day, or one entry a week or month, would anyone want to read it? You are taking entertainment from them...whether that is enjoying their looks or whatever...but are you able to give any entertainment value back? Or are you pretty much a warm body consumer? I mean, what is in it for them, to connect with you?
Again, being common consumers of the same entertainment media, really only goes so far. At some point you've got to start showing that you've got some original thoughts.
But instead, I mean, you wanna talk about things that don't make sense... You want women to be happy to receive your interest, your ATTENTION, as a random guy...but then if they were to do so, if that does not also constitute an invitation to date (and why you? I mean, if they are sharing pics without the "shield" up are they supposed to date 5,000 men who love their pictures all at once? Does that woman owe every one of you special attention, or just YOU SPECIFICALLY? And if you, then why you?) But it's like, you feel she should be honored by your attention, but then you complain that she just wants attention.
You throw it at her face, and expect her to receive it happily, and get mad/confused when she does not...but you're the same guy who complains about women "just wanting attention" when they are not open to dating you, and you want them. Lots of guys want them. You are "random guy #5,896." Why should she date you? Why was the existence of that picture on the internet supposed to be an invitation of some kind?
Again, you don't understand because you are not trying to shift your brain to a different perspective from your own.
What?! I want to talk about things that don't make sense? Where did you get that idea?
What?! I want to talk about things that don't make sense? Where did you get that idea?
*Sigh*...
It's an expression. Like, "talk about crazy weather, we had a tornado yesterday."
"You wanna talk about things that don't make sense...THIS don't make no sense!"
Sorry, tone is lost in words on a screen.
And when Meta says she enjoys building friendships from online sources, I don't think that means that she gets all into every random person who sends her a friend request and comments on a picture.
As for what I was talking about... So there was a dude who was from this site, ages ago. Years ago. He's been gone quite a long time, just lost interest in the forums here. But he and I enjoyed some conversations and we are now friends on Facebook. He is also into the same lifestyle stuff, to some degree, as I am. More in his relationship with his wife, not so much in a community, but whatever. He sends me a message the other day, asking some question about how things are going with my boyfriend, if I've been to any fun parties lately. I know I can speak freely with him, and you know I love to talk about this stuff (I mean, obviously) so I start telling him little anecdotes about how things are, and fun stuff I've done recently and so on.
Until I realize, that for a while now, he's only been responding with "OMG that's hot" or "I'd like to..." just in wee little snips, not really engaging just reacting. So I felt suddenly annoyed like I was writing erotica for his entertainment, not really having a conversation with a friend anymore, and I disengaged and stopped talking.
I'm trying to say that with people you are barely connected to via the internet, too often there just is not any substance going on. That isn't always the case, but it's often the case. And it gets freaking tiresome. It starts feeling like a waste of time. So when it comes to "random guy"...meh. I want to make friends on social media who are doing something interesting. Give me a reason to be a fan of you, because I'm not even one of the "look at me I'm hot" chicks, but I've got enough fanboys, so I can't imagine being one of THOSE women, the kind of attention that they get just for showing their face, let alone anything else. Might as well get paid for it, since the guys who are all up in their pics and such don't have much else to offer usually. Other than, "I'd sure like to do XYZ to you." yeah. you and every other bozo out there. BORING.
It's an expression. Like, "talk about crazy weather, we had a tornado yesterday."
"You wanna talk about things that don't make sense...THIS don't make no sense!"
Sorry, tone is lost in words on a screen.
And when Meta says she enjoys building friendships from online sources, I don't think that means that she gets all into every random person who sends her a friend request and comments on a picture.
As for what I was talking about... So there was a dude who was from this site, ages ago. Years ago. He's been gone quite a long time, just lost interest in the forums here. But he and I enjoyed some conversations and we are now friends on Facebook. He is also into the same lifestyle stuff, to some degree, as I am. More in his relationship with his wife, not so much in a community, but whatever. He sends me a message the other day, asking some question about how things are going with my boyfriend, if I've been to any fun parties lately. I know I can speak freely with him, and you know I love to talk about this stuff (I mean, obviously) so I start telling him little anecdotes about how things are, and fun stuff I've done recently and so on.
Until I realize, that for a while now, he's only been responding with "OMG that's hot" or "I'd like to..." just in wee little snips, not really engaging just reacting. So I felt suddenly annoyed like I was writing erotica for his entertainment, not really having a conversation with a friend anymore, and I disengaged and stopped talking.
I'm trying to say that with people you are barely connected to via the internet, too often there just is not any substance going on. That isn't always the case, but it's often the case. And it gets freaking tiresome. It starts feeling like a waste of time. So when it comes to "random guy"...meh. I want to make friends on social media who are doing something interesting. Give me a reason to be a fan of you, because I'm not even one of the "look at me I'm hot" chicks, but I've got enough fanboys, so I can't imagine being one of THOSE women, the kind of attention that they get just for showing their face, let alone anything else. Might as well get paid for it, since the guys who are all up in their pics and such don't have much else to offer usually. Other than, "I'd sure like to do XYZ to you." yeah. you and every other bozo out there. BORING.
Tell me about it, you hear the trending woman gamer that was selling her BATH water online for 30 a pop? People poked fun at her as just a hot chick only a peripheral.
Now as far as the example you gave, that put it in perspective for me. Thank you. Yeah, that guy you added on FB, now you're regretting it because typically online chat-chat is just for some kind of instant gratification for some. Usually I try to stay local as one day I may run into them at a convention or a function with like interests. I have made some friends that way as I had been consistently been in attendance IRL.
The girl I spoke of (not the bath water girl, the gas station girl) her ex boyfriend, whom she still friends with, when he found out she was doing the Patreon thing, he said they had a conversation earlier where she was considering it...but he had hoped she would not do it. But she did.
I think it's all about that dopamine rush.
There was this one sub group of people on a dating relationship message board like this one. Apparently, the mods there were so overly strict with the rules...we decided to create our own message board with 20-ish people. One woman on there lived near me, and a few other dudes in the same state. The rest of everyone else, out of state.
I think we all figured we could hang together one day if we lived in the same area, but she would not do that if she was the only woman showing up at the Chili's. Can't say that I blame her though. That board eventually went defunct. No one wound up hanging out in person.
Wanted to point out, that humanity is losing their interpersonal skills. Sadly, some people are preferring virtual friendships and relationships via online.
Personality clones are sought out instead and thus, they prefer texting over voice long distances. They even come to sites like (not all of us) but they come to sites like this with inane questions like on how to react to basic life situations like, "Why is that guy/gal staring at me? What should I do?" I tell you what, don't come to a message board asking that question.
They have lost the ability to communicate and relate to people. THus the aforementioned.
Totally clueless regarding human to human interaction. So those who do not know how to engage in the real world will remain clueless and thus remain in the comfort of non-face time interaction. They wind up being an anonymous wall flower, picking and choosing their social interactions.
Growing increasingly selective and therefore, increasingly isolated. to the point they don't feel comfortable in the real world and only have confidence when tucked away behind an avatar.
Yeah, no. I think your perception is skewed because you have issues with the supposed treatment you get from women you're interested in, so that must mean every online venue or platform that allows people to connect, is suspect. I'm not talking about avatars. I'm talking about real people and support communities that I have grown close to over many years. Most of these are women, typically mothers, in various support communities that have been there through life's hardships, multiple pregnancies, deaths, struggles, separations, and so forth. Not gaming or social media avatars. I have met a lot of these women in-person before moving to different parts of the country. These communities can be an integral support system for military spouses that move to new cities, which I was for 10 years, and those looking to find their "tribe." I simply used online platforms as a tool to connect with and find my kind of people.
I have never struggled with in-person interpersonal communication. I am an introvert and enjoy most social gatherings in small doses. I don't like small talk and I'm not energized by social activities. None of that implies social dysfunction or whatever your bogus claims are for the day.
Your diatribes are transparent and come from a place of entitlement and bitterness disguised as a legitimate critique on society's current state of social dynamics. Notice that your gripes always lead back to something dating related. "Online dating sucks. These women don't pay attention to me even though I know what's best for them. They're misguided. Andplusalso, they spend so much time on social media with their shallow avatars that they don't recognize REAL people in REAL life and won't interact with me or don't know how to interact when I'm trying to get their attention."
Yes. We get it. You're big mad "women" aren't giving you the attention you want whether it's online or offline.
Tell me about it, you hear the trending woman gamer that was selling her BATH water online for 30 a pop? People poked fun at her as just a hot chick only a peripheral.
Now as far as the example you gave, that put it in perspective for me. Thank you. Yeah, that guy you added on FB, now you're regretting it because typically online chat-chat is just for some kind of instant gratification for some. Usually I try to stay local as one day I may run into them at a convention or a function with like interests. I have made some friends that way as I had been consistently been in attendance IRL.
The girl I spoke of (not the bath water girl, the gas station girl) her ex boyfriend, whom she still friends with, when he found out she was doing the Patreon thing, he said they had a conversation earlier where she was considering it...but he had hoped she would not do it. But she did.
I think it's all about that dopamine rush.
There was this one sub group of people on a dating relationship message board like this one. Apparently, the mods there were so overly strict with the rules...we decided to create our own message board with 20-ish people. One woman on there lived near me, and a few other dudes in the same state. The rest of everyone else, out of state.
I think we all figured we could hang together one day if we lived in the same area, but she would not do that if she was the only woman showing up at the Chili's. Can't say that I blame her though. That board eventually went defunct. No one wound up hanging out in person.
It's only stupid, if nobody is buying it. But I think some people bought it. A fool and his money are easily parted, I see no reason for someone not to try, if they want. Nobody held a gun to anybody's head and made them pay her for her freakin' bathwater.
Actually my feelings on that particular woman (because I know what you are talking about) have nothing to do with the bathwater for sale situation, and more to do with the "guys of all ages like women who remind them of little children and it's kinda creepy sometimes, tbh" because her cutesy-poo routine is very childlike.
But that's entirely beside the point.
Anyways, the guy I talked about, I don't necessarily regret adding him on Facebook since most of the time I can forget he even exists, and I would not really care if he wanted to dig around in my photos, but then I don't really make myself vulnerable on Facebook much.
But if he were demanding more of my attention, or worse, getting irritating because he didn't get something he wanted out of interacting (barely) with me... Well. I mean, it's the internet, we've learned not to be surprised when "random guy" acts the ass, as they sometimes do. Maybe you aren't that guy, but how does anyone know? They don't.
It's only stupid, if nobody is buying it. But I think some people bought it. A fool and his money are easily parted, I see no reason for someone not to try, if they want. Nobody held a gun to anybody's head and made them pay her for her freakin' bathwater.
Actually my feelings on that particular woman (because I know what you are talking about) have nothing to do with the bathwater for sale situation, and more to do with the "guys of all ages like women who remind them of little children and it's kinda creepy sometimes, tbh" because her cutesy-poo routine is very childlike.
But that's entirely beside the point.
Anyways, the guy I talked about, I don't necessarily regret adding him on Facebook since most of the time I can forget he even exists, and I would not really care if he wanted to dig around in my photos, but then I don't really make myself vulnerable on Facebook much.
But if he were demanding more of my attention, or worse, getting irritating because he didn't get something he wanted out of interacting (barely) with me... Well. I mean, it's the internet, we've learned not to be surprised when "random guy" acts the ass, as they sometimes do. Maybe you aren't that guy, but how does anyone know? They don't.
Well, I guess they have to assume the worst and just paint it with a wide brush. Can't say that I blame them. When it comes to online social media platforms, the competition is stiff.
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BORING.
