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Seriously this is not the place for this argument or talk. This girl wasn't a wack job, just not interesting to myself. Online is just another way to meet people, nothing more or less.
Did she seem way more interesting online?
When dating, I never had it happen that somebody I found interesting enough online to suggest a date with or agree to a date with turned out to be a complete dud in person. Not necessarily always a mindblowing match, but definitely generally interesting enough that it was a pleasant enough date, versus a miserable slog impossible to tolerate without cutting short.
It seems like your expectations may indeed be at the root of things, here.
I'm sorry the date didn't go well, Diss. Dating is only really fun if you are actually interested in the person and there is chemistry. So I understand the frustration when others insist it "should" be fun.
I think starting over somewhere else would be good for you. Don't rush though.
Hang in there!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76
And there's nothing wrong with that. You're not going to have chemistry with every single person. Just take this as a lesson of what you are not looking for, when you go on your next date
+1.
I went on numerous dates where I didn't feel the chemistry, but tried to just enjoy it for what it was. Some dates, or a lot, aren't going to be big hits, and that's fine.
I'm sorry you're down, Diss. Don't give up! Dating can certainly be fun.
This was your first mistake. Normal women don't need to meet men online and most women that use OLD are wack jobs that want to date out of their league, working the M:F ratio that is skewed in their favor.
I agree with this assessment, but I'm finding that more & more, many young folks have little to no social experience because they live on their phones, so OLD seems normal to them.
A date should be seen as just that a date, not the first step into any sort of relationship.
In my opinion which only matters to me is that you focus so much on being miserable because you are single yet you remain single because you are miserable because you focus on the long term end result instead of the here and now let's see how the date goes without long term expectations.
This is true and I'll add a personal twist. In February I took down all my online dating profiles. I knew I was still interested in dating, but I was ready to try something totally new with it. I've been seeing a woman about once a week for the last 6 or 7 weeks and it's been good for both of. She's fresh out of a divorce, with two small children, so she's trying to navigate her life. Our dynamic is fun and very laid back. Neither of us are wanting the relationship title and our dynamic doesn't focus on the traditional methods of dating. She's like I just want to sit and watch tv with you and chat about life. It's exactly what I want to do and it's been super no pressure.
Sometimes you have to look at your life and realize that it's not working out how you envisioned it currently. That's exactly where my life ended up. Every date I was going on, I wanted it to lead to somewhere serious, because my life was currently at a stand still. My stand still was lifted when I purchased my first house in December, and then my desire to seriously date dropped to the lowest it had ever been. This is the first time, since I started dating in my early 20s, that I've had very little desire to put myself out there. Most of it was from the disappointment of dating the last few years, and wanting to take a break from it, and let the dating world kind of reset itself.
Where I'm at now, and maybe something for you to look at as well OP, is not to focus so much on the end result of a relationship, but focus on someone who can sympathize with where you are in life currently. It's not about the end result as much as the journey getting to the end result.
I'm the happiest I've been in years and I'm not dating at all. I found that dating was taking away a lot of my joy and happiness, because I'm not mentally equipped to date endless women to find the right one. I've never been that guy to go out on dates with 10-15 women in a year. That's not who I am, so it was up to me to revert back to who I once was and look at new avenues to make myself happy.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Did she seem way more interesting online?
When dating, I never had it happen that somebody I found interesting enough online to suggest a date with or agree to a date with turned out to be a complete dud in person. Not necessarily always a mindblowing match, but definitely generally interesting enough that it was a pleasant enough date, versus a miserable slog impossible to tolerate without cutting short.
It seems like your expectations may indeed be at the root of things, here.
She was interesting enough and she was receptive to me. I figured it was worth a shot.
Yes, it's me again. While I've been telling my frustration, people have barked at me that "dating should be fun" and that I'm taking it too seriously. So I actually, against my better judgement, went into a date over the weekend with that mindset.
I met the girl online. I planned a night of drinks and dancing. This girl looked okay so I figured it has a decent chance of being a starter. Date night comes. She was late but I was okay with that. We sit down and have a drink and decent conversation. I probably should have ended the damn thing there because everything in this conversation was saying non starter. Then we go dancing, the club I picked is usually popping but when I went in there it was almost empty, so I'm really stuck with a woman I know perfectly well I have no interest in dancing like an idiot for an hour because I didn't want to be the people here think I am.
Finally I get enough balls to say, I'm done goodnight. I've been depressed the last three days because never have I not wanted to be somewhere so badly and I honestly think she could feel it. So I feel crappy for wasting her time.
Let's review, I tried to actually have fun on a date and boy did it suck! It was a solid reminder of why I absolutely HATE dating. Now I'm even more depressed at my single status and the idea of being in a relationship I'm actually happy in seems further away. Maybe it's time for me to just admit I need to get out of this town and start over elsewhere because there is something about D.C. women.
I needed to vent that. Here comes the backlash.
Hey. I am proud of you for trying.
This happens to almost all of us. I HATE DATING. I had so many first date, you won't believe it. Every time I think I should have read a book instead. But there is this 0.0000001% chance you actually meet a decent person whom you fall in love with.
The only good thing about it - the more you had, the less you care. The lesser you care, the more confident you seem and the more you attract.
I am at a point now where all my first dates wanna see me again. Why? I didn't suddenly become prettier. It is because I am cooler. I am not shy or hopeful or desperate anymore.
She was interesting enough and she was receptive to me. I figured it was worth a shot.
You've just experienced the equivalent of women going on first dates, only to end up sitting through a monologue where they can barely get in a word edgewise, if that. It happens, Diss. Let it roll off your back. It's just part of the process. Weeding and sifting--that's the process.
Yes, it's me again. While I've been telling my frustration, people have barked at me that "dating should be fun" and that I'm taking it too seriously. So I actually, against my better judgement, went into a date over the weekend with that mindset.
I met the girl online. I planned a night of drinks and dancing. This girl looked okay so I figured it has a decent chance of being a starter. Date night comes. She was late but I was okay with that. We sit down and have a drink and decent conversation. I probably should have ended the damn thing there because everything in this conversation was saying non starter. Then we go dancing, the club I picked is usually popping but when I went in there it was almost empty, so I'm really stuck with a woman I know perfectly well I have no interest in dancing like an idiot for an hour because I didn't want to be the people here think I am.
Finally I get enough balls to say, I'm done goodnight. I've been depressed the last three days because never have I not wanted to be somewhere so badly and I honestly think she could feel it. So I feel crappy for wasting her time.
Let's review, I tried to actually have fun on a date and boy did it suck! It was a solid reminder of why I absolutely HATE dating. Now I'm even more depressed at my single status and the idea of being in a relationship I'm actually happy in seems further away. Maybe it's time for me to just admit I need to get out of this town and start over elsewhere because there is something about D.C. women.
I needed to vent that. Here comes the backlash.
So what did she say that was a "non-starter"? Another one that wants 10 kids?
I met the girl online. I planned a night of drinks and dancing. This girl looked okay so I figured it has a decent chance of being a starter. Date night comes. She was late but I was okay with that.
She looked like her picture? That was a better start than I've had in a long time.
Most of your dates aren't going to be fabulous! The majority of people you meet aren't going to give you that same feeling you get when you see your food coming at a restaurant. (mmmmmm-mmm!)
These are all experiences to learn from, how would one know they've found chemistry and s/o material unless they've experienced all the other not-so-great dates?
There was no violence, you didn't get sick, you made it home safe, and you remember everything that happened. Good enough, now try again!
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people here think I am.
