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So I have posted indeed here before but I am not this same woman, man or troll that posted above but I have virtually the same question and they outlined it well.
I really wish when two or more black women posted the same thing you didn't assume we are the same person. It's a nation-wide phenomenon...no one wants to date black women...so when more than one black woman complains about it online--that is natural outcome.
I see this same behavior on Reddit....of course other black women besides me feel this way...look around. The same people who want to say I am the same poster as the woman (or whomever) above are ironically the same ones vocal about their lack of attraction to black women. If people were dating black women many black women wouldn't come online complaining. We are not all one person. There's not only one educated black woman online. Black women are the most educated group in the country--we are not a monolith.
Also I am not the same person as above--I never went to USC or UCLA like the poster above--I went Ivy and I studied engineering and physics NOT business...(which is too easy of a subject in my opinion). So if you actually think we are the same--you didn't read into our backstories. But it seems like whenever a black female brings this up--you all think we are a singular caricature.
Last edited by berrypie987; 04-18-2017 at 11:37 AM..
So I have posted indeed here before but I am not this same woman, man or troll that posted above but I have virtually the same question and they outlined it well.
I really wish when two or more black women posted the same thing you didn't assume we are the same person. It's a nation-wide phenomenon...no one wants to date black women...so when more than one black woman complains about it online--that is natural outcome.
I see this same behavior on Reddit....of course other black women besides me feel this way...look around. The same people who want to say I am the same poster as the woman (or whomever) above are ironically the same ones vocal about their lack of attraction to black women. If people were dating black women many black women wouldn't come online complaining. We are not all one person. There's not only one educated black woman online. Black women are the most educated group in the country--we are not a monolith.
Also I am not the same person as above--I never went to USC or UCLA like the poster above--I went Ivy and I studied engineering and physics NOT business...(which is too easy of a subject in my opinion). So if you actually think we are the same--you didn't read into our backstories. But it seems like whenever a black female brings this up--you all think we are a singular caricature.
I'm going to give my opinion based on what various friends and business associates have told me personally in more relaxed quarters (so you're probably getting their "truth").
So a little about my business circle, a lot of them are white, asian with a sprinkle of middle eastern and black. Many are high net worth individuals ($20 million +) with successful careers in venture capital, real estate, or other entrepreneurial endeavors. For the ones who are divorced, or single and looking, this is what they tell me.
The reason they tend to avoid black women is because of certain perceptions (untrue or not):
- Too extreme politically
- Too sensitive about race
- Too masculine
- Ghetto or street perceptions
- May come from poor background
This is the gist of what I get from them whenever the topic of "would you date that random black girl across the room" at some random lounge or night club or other social function. I think political commentator Gavin McInnes put it best, people don't want to "walk on black woman egg shells" and it can be stressful. It's often seen as too risky financially to date and get involved with a black women (according to them). They also have stereotypes about your typical WASP women as well, but that's another topic.
That being said, I can see how black women in general can be blocked into a "singular caricature" like you say, but the problem with that is in life, the loudest (and sometimes crudest) voice is often heard first and most, even if all the voices aren't like that. It's unfortunate and sympathize with your problem.
I'm going to give my opinion based on what various friends and business associates have told me personally in more relaxed quarters (so you're probably getting their "truth").
So a little about my business circle, a lot of them are white, asian with a sprinkle of middle eastern and black. Many are high net worth individuals ($20 million +) with successful careers in venture capital, real estate, or other entrepreneurial endeavors. For the ones who are divorced, or single and looking, this is what they tell me.
The reason they tend to avoid black women is because of certain perceptions (untrue or not):
- Too extreme politically
- Too sensitive about race
- Too masculine
- Ghetto or street perceptions
- May come from poor background
This is the gist of what I get from them whenever the topic of "would you date that random black girl across the room" at some random lounge or night club or other social function. I think political commentator Gavin McInnes put it best, people don't want to "walk on black woman egg shells" and it can be stressful. It's often seen as too risky financially to date and get involved with a black women (according to them). They also have stereotypes about your typical WASP women as well, but that's another topic.
That being said, I can see how black women in general can be blocked into a "singular caricature" like you say, but the problem with that is in life, the loudest (and sometimes crudest) voice is often heard first and most, even if all the voices aren't like that. It's unfortunate and sympathize with your problem.
Thank you for understanding my frustration instead of accusing me of being a troll.
I have started to notice that white women get negatively stereotyped as well.
Asians (besides Chinese, Koreans, Japanese) are even poorer than African-Americans but they have stereotypes working in their favor.
I don't know if the perceptions of blacks being poor has anything to do with anything. Because those same men accuse white women of being entitled and spoiled. But in my experience good looking black and white women are FAR more grounded than good looking Asian or Hispanic women. Because Asian and Hispanic culture puts far much too emphasis on beauty--every culture has its negatives. Whites and blacks care about beauty too but not to the obsessive extent.
Asians and Hispanic women come from poorer backgrounds and that never deters them from being desired-- if anything that's a part of their appeal.
Thank you for understanding my frustration instead of accusing me of being a troll.
I have started to notice that white women get negatively stereotyped as well.
Asians (besides Chinese, Koreans, Japanese) are even poorer than African-Americans but they have stereotypes working in their favor.
I don't know if the perceptions of blacks being poor has anything to do with anything. Because those same men accuse white women of being entitled and spoiled. But in my experience good looking black and white women are FAR more grounded than good looking Asian or Hispanic women. Because Asian and Hispanic culture puts far much too emphasis on beauty--every culture has its negatives. Whites and blacks care about beauty too but not to the obsessive extent.
Asians and Hispanic women come from poorer backgrounds and that never deters them from being desired-- if anything that's a part of their appeal.
Asians aren't perceived as poor since they don't tend to dominate the rough inner cities like blacks. Plus they have an "exotic" eastern quality that some men find attractive. You don't have this same allure with black women. They are also seen as more feminine overall than black females.
As for Hispanics, yes they do come from poor backgrounds, but again they have a very distinct culture and place in media where the perception of latinas tends to NOT be negative, but actually exotic and beautiful regardless of the reality. Hot Latinas on TV are a very common occurrence and that tends to work positively in their favor.
This is all group perception, and has nothing to do with the individual. But unfortunately overcoming stereotypes and long held perceptions is not an easy thing to do for most human beings.
OP,
Curious--what kind of men are you looking to attract? Is it possible you seek partnership with a race/category that tends to be attracted to other races?
Asians aren't perceived as poor since they don't tend to dominate the rough inner cities like blacks. Plus they have an "exotic" eastern quality that some men find attractive. You don't have this same allure with black women. They are also seen as more feminine overall than black females.
As for Hispanics, yes they do come from poor backgrounds, but again they have a very distinct culture and place in media where the perception of latinas tends to NOT be negative, but actually exotic and beautiful regardless of the reality. Hot Latinas on TV are a very common occurrence and that tends to work positively in their favor.
This is all group perception, and has nothing to do with the individual. But unfortunately overcoming stereotypes and long held perceptions is not an easy thing to do for most human beings.
I don't know where you are looking because Vietnamese, Cambodians, Indonesians, Filipinos etc. are poorer than African-Americans, live in inner cities, and have even have lower IQs than African-Americans...not like an IQ is indicative of potential or intelligence. The exotic eastern quality isn't innate and inherently more attractive...it's because of war time and media and wanted allyship with East Asian countries. In Brazil, Chile, Peru...Chinese women aren't seen as "exotic" and "attractive" The reason black women don't have an exotic appeal is because of centuries of being here and being lambasted by the media.
If black women never existed in America and then showed up....they would be seen as exotic.
Asian women are absolutely not more feminine than black women. They are more feminine than African Americans, sure, but an attractive Ethiopian woman is far docile, feminine, slim and more attractive than a Chinese woman. And they do have an exotic look to them (Ethiopians). I do think Asians can be "cute" and "pretty" but Ethiopians have the potential to be stunning and beautiful.
I feel like all you're doing is saying American stereotypes which obviously aren't in favor of black women or men.
In countries in S. America Asian women aren't seen as that attractive because the Chinese population isn't wealthy or particularly intelligent--like in the US. Even black women are viewed as more attractive which you can see in IR marriage statistics. No Asian woman has ever won their "beauty" contests-- but even black women have a few times.
To sum it up beauty is directly correlated to class. Asian women only are perceived to have a "foreign" appeal in the US because of wealth. In terms of Latinas....there are hot, average, and ugly Latinas on TV and there are also hot, average and ugly black women on TV too.
Last edited by berrypie987; 04-18-2017 at 02:17 PM..
It's important to keep in mind that you asked a question that will only yield perceptions from other posters. Whether or not those perceptions resonate with your own is irrelevant.
So if you actually want something out of your own thread, I suggest you do not listen to reply...instead, listen to understand.
Last edited by adr3naline; 04-18-2017 at 02:28 PM..
OP: Your assumption that no one wants to date black women is wrong on many levels.
My Brother dates only black women and he is white.
Perhaps it appears to you that no one wants to date you.
Sorry, OP, I don't mean to make light of your experience, but we get more than a few threads on the Seattle forum by black guys moving into the area asking if there's much of a Black community for dating, where to find the Black women, and so forth. The few Black guys I know in Seattle look mainly for Black women. My guess is that the Bay Area and LA wouldn't be that different from Seattle. I'm not saying all Black guys think the same, just that there definitely are Black professionals out there looking for Black women who have their act together. But those probably don't add up to enough to go around, which is probably part of your point.
OP,
Curious--what kind of men are you looking to attract? Is it possible you seek partnership with a race/category that tends to be attracted to other races?
Even if I had no race preference...it wouldn't make a difference.
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