Went on date, she said she felt NO Chemistry (girls, husband, experiences)
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I find it odd that there are people who think they can tell others they aren't feeling what they're feeling.
It's obvious that some people are sensitive to "sexual chemistry" and some aren't. And for those who aren't, that's fine, it just takes you longer to rule in/rule out possible partners. But don't tell other people they're not feeling it. They are.
For many (most?) romantic "chemistry" is a real thing. Others for some reason aren't sensitive to it/don't produce those social brain chemicals, I don't know.
Like those PTC test strip papers you did in junior high. For some, the taste of the paperstrip was powerful, and for some, they couldn't taste it at all.
I guess romantic chemistry is like that. But with the paper strips, I'm not going to stand there and tell others what they're tasting based only on what I'm tasting.
Person: I'm not going to like strip 1, but I'll like strip 2
:tastes strip 2:
Person: I like this. So I was right about strip 2 and strip 1.
CB: Umm...
It's clear that sometimes people feel romantic chemistry.
Sometimes this occurs occurs quickly upon meeting.
Some of those times it continues, others it fades, sometimes it crashes to a halt.
Sometimes this occurs long after meeting.
Some of those times it continues, others it fades, sometimes it crashes to a halt.
I'm in no way convinced, based on my personal experiences and the stories of others, that early romantic chemistry has anything to do with the success of a relationship
Does anyone understand some women, because i dont. I went on a date with a woman i met from online dating site. SHe seemed nice so we met at a restaurant, i paid for her meal. So when we met, she seemed to give off this energy that was a little negative, but as we talked more she seemed pretty cool. I asked her questions and she answered them well, i asked her if this whole thing is ok and she said yes it is. i was kind of looking the other way as if i could not think of much to say, but as time went on i started opening up. She started to seem cool as time went on, i asked her basic things and she seemed like she was not giving off bad vibes. but here is the thing, at the end of the date, she gave off this energy that was distant\negative. she said she has to go, i said ok see you. I texted her, and she said that she felt no chemistry and she did not want to go further and wishes me well, but it made no sense at all to me because she does not know me. she fails to see who i am and what i can do, it makes me think that she is going off of looks. i dont get it
You don't understand the term "Chemistry." It's a combination of a lot of things: Physical attractiveness, ability to carry on a conversation, and that hard-to-quantify match of personality traits.
One more thing. "Paid for her meal" signals a transactional approach to the entire business. Abandon that kind of thinking right off that bat.
But more importantly, you bombed on the date. Accept this and move on. You just didn't click. Question-and-answer is not a civilized form of conversation anyway, but being able to get her to open up is key to having the long, soulful conversations that really cement a bond between one person and another.
Women don't necessarily want instant fireworks. It's not always going to happen immediately. But, as someone else said, you won't necessarily know "the one" on a first date but you definitely know when someone isn't "the one." Most women I know will give it two or three dates if there's any potential, but why waste time if there's none?
As the OP told it, it sounded like the date didn't go particularly well with conversation struggling at points. He noted that he spend some time "looking off" because he couldn't think of anything to say. If conversation is such a struggle, then yeah, there wouldn't be a second date from me. And he may not have recognized how awkward/uncomfortable his behavior may have been.
We're all busy people. Why waste time?
Your situation is different because you seem to know each other socially. Whole other ball game.
Yeah, well, think of it from the male perspective. Why waste time AND money?
Looks like OP is highly likely to remain single for a very very long time. This just might be a very very good thing, for everyone concerned. What part of the word "NO" is it that doesn't apply?
Looks like OP is highly likely to remain single for a very very long time. This just might be a very very good thing, for everyone concerned. What part of the word "NO" is it that doesn't apply?
In fairness yes going by other threads he struggles with a few things HOWEVER he's out there trying and putting the effort in so there's no better way to learn
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 6 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol
I'm in no way convinced, based on my personal experiences and the stories of others, that early romantic chemistry has anything to do with the success of a relationship
I agree with you there, for the most part. You can feel STRONG chemistry and that person is a complete loser. Or you can feel no chemistry whatsoever but if there are very very few eligible partners (as in after WWII in England) you can make a relationship work for a lifetime on just mutual respect and shared interests.
But I wouldn't want to have to choose someone where there wasn't mutual "chemical" attraction. And funny, in my observation, the "chemical attraction" is almost always mutual. It's good for both of you, or there aren't any sparks at all going either way. In my observation.
People tend to believe that chemistry is something organic that cannot be controlled, but that just not true. You can create chemistry and in a traditional scenario when man takes the lead in an early interaction, its up to the guy to create chemistry. I can create chemistry with any woman I meet or I can ensure there is no chemistry with any woman I meet. Its all up to you. Chemistry is really only about how easily and effortlessly you interact. If you are easy going, flirtatious, fun and spontaneous - you can pass this energy on to your date, as you wish. its simple stuff, and all guys should know how to use it to their advantage.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 6 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReturnOfTheMack2017
People tend to believe that chemistry is something organic that cannot be controlled, but that just not true. You can create chemistry and in a traditional scenario when man takes the lead in an early interaction, its up to the guy to create chemistry. I can create chemistry with any woman I meet or I can ensure there is no chemistry with any woman I meet. Its all up to you. Chemistry is really only about how easily and effortlessly you interact. If you are easy going, flirtatious, fun and spontaneous - you can pass this energy on to your date, as you wish. its simple stuff, and all guys should know how to use it to their advantage.
I think it's smell, actually. I honestly do, and I've seen research to back it up. I literally think people whose chemistry "matches" have a similar natural smell.
Maybe I should have posted this in the "unpopular opinions" thread. ;D
edited to add a link, so people don't immediately start screaming:
Does anyone understand some women, because i dont. I went on a date with a woman i met from online dating site. SHe seemed nice so we met at a restaurant, i paid for her meal. So when we met, she seemed to give off this energy that was a little negative, but as we talked more she seemed pretty cool. I asked her questions and she answered them well, i asked her if this whole thing is ok and she said yes it is. i was kind of looking the other way as if i could not think of much to say, but as time went on i started opening up. She started to seem cool as time went on, i asked her basic things and she seemed like she was not giving off bad vibes. but here is the thing, at the end of the date, she gave off this energy that was distant\negative. she said she has to go, i said ok see you. I texted her, and she said that she felt no chemistry and she did not want to go further and wishes me well, but it made no sense at all to me because she does not know me. she fails to see who i am and what i can do, it makes me think that she is going off of looks. i dont get it
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparkplugnw
yea but, her vibes were positive, also she still dont know me well also she lied about her vibes. also you cant be feelin it in such short of time
She wasn't feeling it at the beginning of the date, and was probably just being nice to get through the date. The lack of chemistry, on her end, was felt from the start of the date, and continued throughout the date.
For some, it's either there, or it's not. She just wasn't into you.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 6 days ago)
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So to the OP: you mention several times that women are put off by your looks.
If you're doing online dating, why are these women not prepared for how you look? That will save you a lot of time, and rejection, if you post a picture that's flattering but also recent and accurate in your profile.
If you have such a picture in your profile, I think you can dismiss the idea that women are rejecting you after a date because of your appearance.
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