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Ugh... NO! That would be very humiliating to me, to announce that someone refuses to marry me...
Why? It was his issue, not mine. Not something for me to be humiliated by. I was just no longer caring about his feelings, and had established an internal, kicking him out date, when he decided to cheat and move along.
It's no wonder our society as a whole seems less trusting these days.
Why does it matter? people keep asking. Why do I need to know the details of your relationship?? (Even though "status," not "details" is what the OP asked about.)
It matters in a sociological sense, for building community. Most of us don't think about it as we go about our daily routines, and when we go to an event where we might meet stranger, most of us probably don't consider hedonic vs. agonic modes of interaction, as you may have studied in sociology class.
But when you meet someone for the first time, it could go one of two general directions: friendship or conflict. (Yes, most of us these days don't think that hard about it and are reluctant to categorize, but it happens whether you want to admit it or not). You tend to generally think one way or another about someone after meeting them and spending a little time.
One factor that influences the interaction is the level of trust that is built, and one factor that influences trust is the type of information that is shared. If you have a baseline of trust with them, you could get to know them better; you could become friends. They could hire you at their company. You could sell them a house. You get the picture.
So you could just stand there and not share anything and go on with your day, but the fact is that little interactions like these go toward building your community (or not), which is why "it matters."
Why? It was his issue, not mine. Not something for me to be humiliated by. I was just no longer caring about his feelings, and had established an internal, kicking him out date, when he decided to cheat and move along.
It's humiliating because if you KNOW all this ^^^ already, it makes you look either 1) dumb or 2) like a bad decision maker to still be with him.
It's humiliating because if you KNOW all this ^^^ already, it makes you look either 1) dumb or 2) like a bad decision maker to still be with him.
When you have kids, sometimes you have to put them ahead of your own needs. And at that moment they needed him, more than I needed to hurt them by throwing him out.
And it did work out doing it my way and letting him make the fool out of himself. I do not ever have to hear my son say I threw his father out on the street.
But I did learn to not let another man get too comfortable.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
It's no wonder our society as a whole seems less trusting these days.
Why does it matter? people keep asking. Why do I need to know the details of your relationship?? (Even though "status," not "details" is what the OP asked about.)
It matters in a sociological sense, for building community. Most of us don't think about it as we go about our daily routines, and when we go to an event where we might meet stranger, most of us probably don't consider hedonic vs. agonic modes of interaction, as you may have studied in sociology class.
But when you meet someone for the first time, it could go one of two general directions: friendship or conflict. (Yes, most of us these days don't think that hard about it and are reluctant to categorize, but it happens whether you want to admit it or not). You tend to generally think one way or another about someone after meeting them and spending a little time.
One factor that influences the interaction is the level of trust that is built, and one factor that influences trust is the type of information that is shared. If you have a baseline of trust with them, you could get to know them better; you could become friends. They could hire you at their company. You could sell them a house. You get the picture.
So you could just stand there and not share anything and go on with your day, but the fact is that little interactions like these go toward building your community (or not), which is why "it matters."
I understand your point, and of course people need to share to bond. But I want to know about the person. Who they are, what are their passions, how they think, and to explore common ground and interests, or to learn about something they're passionate about, etc.
I don't need to know their relationship status. That doesn't tell me anything I need to know about them in order to make a personal connection. It may be something I should know before making a romantic connection, but that's not on my mind when I first am introduced to someone, especially at a social event.
But I want to know about the person. Who they are, what are their passions, how they think, and to explore common ground and interests, or to learn about something they're passionate about, etc.
Being introduced to someone's boyfriend doesn't preclude you from learning any of that ^^^ about them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I don't need to know their relationship status. That doesn't tell me anything I need to know about them in order to make a personal connection. It may be something I should know before making a romantic connection, but that's not on my mind when I first am introduced to someone, especially at a social event.
I don't think anyone is saying we NEED to know this tidbit. My only point is that it provides context to the situation. You keep fluffing this up to be more than it is.
The OP asked a very simple question; protests like this turn an easy point of fact into a self-indulgent manifesto.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Being introduced to someone's boyfriend doesn't preclude you from learning any of that ^^^ about them.
I don't think anyone is saying we NEED to know this tidbit. My only point is that it provides context to the situation. You keep fluffing this up to be more than it is.
The OP asked a very simple question; protests like this turn an easy point of fact into a self-indulgent manifesto.
It doesn't provide any useful context. Being told XYX is someone's partner or boyfriend doesn't help me learn about a person in any way.
And I'm introduced to boyfriends all the time, they're just presented as people with names, not "boyfriends".
The OP did ask a simple question, and the answer is simple. I introduce people the same way people are introduced to me "Hi, I'm Tim. This is Jane".
The only one protesting here is you that seems to think you're entitled to, or at least benefit from, knowing the relationship status of people you just met. It's none of my business, I couldn't care less. If they choose to share or advertise, that is their business, not mine.
At varying stages in my life, I have referred to my love interest as:
Teens-20's: girlfriend
30's-40's: my lady
50+: partner
To introduce my love interest as my girlfriend in my 40's felt weak and childish. To refer to her as my lady, which was okay but felt cheesy. So I settled on partner now and it seems to encapsulate who she is to me. Not married so wife is not accurate although, she gets a kick out of my sometimes referring her as such.
So how do you introduce or refer to your love interest to family, friends the public in general?
Well when I'm in a relationship I say, this is the person I'm getting freaky with. 😎
I was thinking that I spend time with people who aren't my romantic/sexual interest. My sister for example. It's not rare that I go out with her and my nephews. I'm sure that most people, who give it a thought, assume that we're a couple with our children. And, when the occasion comes up, I usually introduce as: so-and-so this is my sister, name, and this is so-and-so.
Is this weird in any way?
I don't think so
So, why is "this is my boy/girl friend" (whatever) any different?
"This is my neighbor, ______"
"This is _______, we work together"
"Meet _____. We went to college together and he/she is in town for a few days"
etc
None of these seem too controversial. So, why is "This is [my current romantic interest]" any different?
But, if it is, then maybe we can agree to announce all relationships that are not romantic, so if no explanation of the relationship is given we can all assume that it is a romantic relationship.
ETA
I wonder if the root of this whole problem are lingering misguided beliefs about sex and relationships. That's it is somehow inappropriate to admit to these acts outside of "my husband/wife"
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