Does a person's attractiveness influence how many deal breakers a man or woman will overlook? (people)

[reneeh63]

In a more general sense, whatever attribute is valued by the beholder will likely help them overlook the "other stuff". For many that may be attractiveness...but not everyone. Sure, some people slide by on their looks and actually count on their looks to get them "stuff".

I don't trust looks and many good looking people have been tainted by growing up looking great. So looks are quite unimportant to me, other than being healthy and how that might impact body type. For me things like intelligence and sense of humor would allow me to overlook some negative traits.

But, if something can be overlooked, it's not really a dealbreaker, right?

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life

What???? Come on ...

I have seen you mention God on here before, so I guess you are a believer on some level. If that is true, then you should be open to the idea that physical attraction is part of His plan for procreation. It's not deception or a trick; it's the basic catalyst for human life.

Of course, discernment is required to be sure that attraction is not the ONLY factor we consider when choosing to partner up with someone. There is even scripture in 1 Samuel that deals with this, and Paul talked about how beauty fades, but enduring beauty comes from the heart.

Most of the Bible is trying to remind believers that point: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."

So rather than taking a stance of fear and pessimism, I would encourage a more open outlook that will help you physically AND spiritually.

Or:

Thanks for this. Really. I needed to read this today.

When I wrote that post last night, I was a little down and discouraged....about my last relationship not working out (even though I put everything I had into it....um, this healing process is moving a little slower than I want it to)....about how this world is; about how everything is usually tied to sex, even if it's in the background....let's just say, yesterday wasn't a good day for me.

Today though, and mostly every day since I've moved into my new apartment and begun this new life being single, I am happy and finally feel at peace...and this is a very good thing!

Again, thanks SO very much for your post...and for redirecting my temporary mindset by reminding me of the Word. It's something I should've done on my own and usually do, but didn't think about it because I was feeling a little blue.

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by Raptor76

The flip side of that though is if you are with someone that you are not attracted to or not sexually compatible with, how long do you want to be in that relationship? Yeah it's the right thing to say that looks and sex doesn't matter, but to most people it does. And a big reason why relationships break off, is because the attraction isn't there or the sex isn't there and/or not really good. Not one person is perfect, and not one relationship is perfect either. It's up to the individual to decide what is most important to them and what they are willing to overlook and compromise with in finding that right relationship.

You've made some VERY good points here, Raptor. The bolded part in purple is what I just went through with the last relationship I was in, so you're absolutely right about what you said there.

Idk...I just wish life and people and relationships didn't always have the underlying sex aspect to it; but, it just does, and it always will....and there's nothing I can do to change it (I would if I could). Your last sentence is the truth; what's important to one person will not matter to another person.

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar

Going back to your original post, is it really any worse to put up with someone because you find them beautiful and/or sexually attractive than it is to put up with them because you rely on them financially, you're afraid of being alone, your biological clock is ticking, etc? Everyone has a reason for being with someone and it's not always because the person treats them so well.

Your post (especially the bolded part) made me stop and think about that for a few minutes. And what you said is true, because I've seen it in other people's relationships and have read about it in articles and posts in this forum.

Originally Posted by timberline742

I've never been a big believe in total dealbreakers. I try to look for connections with people, not reasons to not connect with them. The one exception is probably hard drug use, even that though, if someone did E or whatever a few times a year at an event, I'm not going to freak about it.

I like the way you look at it (the purple bolded part of your post). I have deal breakers in place because I don't want to be mistreated by a guy or be taken advantage of. But, in totality, I was looking to find a connection with a guy - not reasons to NOT connect with one.

[Mikala43]

Say you met a guy who was super, made you feel amazing, fun, just perfect for you, but he worked at McDonald's and had no desire to change his employment.

All that good, might make up for the lack of ambition.

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

Say you met a guy who was super, made you feel amazing, fun, just perfect for you, but he worked at McDonald's and had no desire to change his employment.

All that good, might make up for the lack of ambition.

Um, okay....this is very true. After I read your question and visualized all the things you said that this hypothetical guy brings to the table despite the fact that he plans to work at Mickey D's forever, I came to the conclusion that those things actually could make up for the fact that he has no ambition to have a better career.

The attributes you listed have nothing to do with his physical attractiveness though....and, if this hypothetical guy's attractiveness was the ONLY thing he had going for him, then no, that alone wouldn't make up for his lack of ambition nor would it make me overlook any deal breakers that I have set in place. But I get where you were going with your post and I agree with it.

[Inacitysomewhere]

Of course it does. I feel it is naive to think otherwise.

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by reneeh63

In a more general sense, whatever attribute is valued by the beholder will likely help them overlook the "other stuff". For many that may be attractiveness...but not everyone. Sure, some people slide by on their looks and actually count on their looks to get them "stuff".

I don't trust looks and many good looking people have been tainted by growing up looking great. So looks are quite unimportant to me, other than being healthy and how that might impact body type. For me things like intelligence and sense of humor would allow me to overlook some negative traits.

The first part of your post in bold is usually the case and is very true. The second part of your post in bold is something that applies to me as well; however, there is NOTHING that another person could possess that would ever make me 'overlook' ANY of my deal breakers. I don't care who they are, what they look like or what they have - if they breach any of my deal breakers - I am DONE!

But, if something can be overlooked, it's not really a dealbreaker, right?

Yep! But that's precisely why I made this thread - for the fact that I've seen many people 'overlook' or even completely disregard a legit deal breaker that they had just because they considered the other person to be "so hot" that they felt they could never find another person that was THAT good looking, so that's why they put up with the other 'gorgeous' person's character disturbances.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17

T


Yep! But that's precisely why I made this thread - for the fact that I've seen many people 'overlook' or even completely disregard a legit deal breaker that they had just because they considered the other person to be "so hot" that they felt they could never find another person that was THAT good looking, so that's why they put up with the other 'gorgeous' person's character disturbances.

Then it is not a deal breaker for them.

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

Then it is not a deal breaker for them.

Right. It wasn't a deal breaker for them because of the supposed gorgeous creature they were with - but, before they met that person, their deal breakers WERE deal breakers for them with other people they were in a relationship with.

A perfect example of that is one of my bestie's friends. Her ex used to smoke and she made him quit as a condition for them being together. My bestie told me when this girl found out he was sneaking around behind her back smoking and lying to her about it, she broke up with him. That was early last year. Sometime around Halloween, we all saw the new guy she was dating. Yeah, he was cuter than her ex, but he was loud and obnoxious (something I personally couldn't put up with) and, he smoked cigarettes left and right.

When she told us about this new guy and we asked her why she was dating a smoker, she laughed and said, "Well, he's got a sick package and gives it to me hard, so why not?" I remember just looking at her and being so disgusted about what a hypocrite she was - she actually broke up with a guy she had a LTR with because he was a smoker...and then there she was, dating this other guy and totally disregarding his smelly unhealthy habit just because he had a big schlong.

I realize that, for seemingly A LOT of people who are dating or in a relationship, what's a deal breaker today may not be a deal breaker tomorrow. For others, what was once something they thought they would never put up with could turn out to be something that they would willingly tolerate because of the specific "attribute(s)" that they 'value' in the other person.