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I don't know why I've never thought of this before!
Thanks Wmsn4Life for posting that link....Idk, I'm thinking that this might've been the reason why my recent ex wasn't interested in sexual intimacy in general. (Sorry to hijack your thread, OP)
Last edited by AprilFlowers17; 10-11-2017 at 04:38 PM..
I know has far as my experiences go, all the best lovers I ever had were the most experienced. Now, there were experienced lousy lovers, but never inexperienced good ones. But I'm a dude, it may be different.
It's not different. Your experience is similar to mine as well.
I have to wonder why OP is still with this man. This isn't the first thread she's post expressing disapproval of her partner's religious and abstaining behavior. I am thinking these threads are the same man.
The guy is all over the place, but doesn't seem to be in a rush for intercourse. He could very well have issues such as ED or porn-addiction due to being on the shelf for so long. Thus porn & rubbing one out has just become the norm for him, and now real-life doesn't hold up to the fantasy and desensitizing porn can cause for some.
It's clear you aren't compatible. This guy sounds like a mess. Unless he's the only man available where you live & you're desperate, find another man if you're sex-starved -then you won't have to try and decode this guy. Why waste 2 years on this one you don't get, whose views you have severe problems with, and who blames you for his getting naked.
Last edited by HappyRain; 10-11-2017 at 07:31 PM..
I have to wonder why OP is still with this man. This isn't the first thread she's post expressing disapproval of her partner's religious and abstaining behavior. I am thinking these threads are the same man.
The guy is all over the place, but doesn't seem to be in a rush for intercourse. He could very well have issues such as ED or porn-addiction due to being on the shelf for so long. Thus porn & rubbing one out has just become the norm for him, and now real-life doesn't hold up to the fantasy and desensitizing porn can cause for some.
It's clear you aren't compatible. I'm religious myself, but this guy sounds like a mess. Unless he's the only man available where you live & you're desperate, find another man if you're sex-starved -then you won't have to try and decode this guy. Why waste 2 years on this one you don't get, whose views you have severe problems with, and who blames you for his getting naked.
You need look no further than that "strict religious upbringing", to find the cause of his dysfunctional sex drive. That has messed-up the lives of countless people. His apathy about it and your "raging hormones" seem at odds, regarding your chances for having a satisfactory long-term relationship.
He understands about my "raging hormones". I deal with it by keeping busy with other things. Other than the sexual incompatiblity, we get along great. We do kiss, hug, cuddle, physically touch each other. He refuses to do the deed until marriage. I've always thought people who held these beliefs of waiting until marriage got married young.
Quote:
Originally Posted by indy_317
I was also somewhat late to the game, though I was early 20s. He is either asexual, possibly has been so ruined by chronic self-pleasure that the drive to be with a real woman just wasn't there, felt as if he couldn't relate as time continued on, might have been the victim of molestation, etc.. What I don't understand is why do you care about an official marriage at your age? I know that if I were to become single, being early 40s or older, no having kids, I see no reason to "make it official." My views have changed somewhat given how society has changed. Making vows for life is something I sometimes wish I thought more of before doing it. My relationship with my wife has changed, mostly due to her having some mild mental illness issues. We are working through it, but it definitely has changed my life and made me question lots of choices I made as I grew up. If he doesn't want to get officially married, is he still open to having sex?
I didn't even have a religious upbringing, but there was enough morality and values based on Christian beliefs that me being "the good kid," it did ruin my view of human sexuality. I live with regret, sometimes on a constant basis. This has caused issues in my marriage, but hopefully I can work through my issues as my wife works on hers.
I think for some guys, paying for it just isn't the same. I really messed up by not understanding the concept of flirting and guys usually having to make the first move, even if the woman is giving clear signals. I had so-so looks, maybe even OK looks, in high school, but I was with a lower lever social group, many of whom were overweight and didn't have any luck with girls as well. Plus there was the ridiculous religious moral BS that many of us were raised by (even if we weren't big into church).
I sometimes wonder if had I been more aware of things when I turned eighteen and could travel, would I have maybe went out to Nevada and paid for it (I wouldn't have done it illegally, as I wouldn't want the chance to stain my background with a criminal charge)? I don't know. I've read stories of going to the Nevada brothels of being a right of passage in past decades for high school guys who graduated and never got to lose their virginity. Not sure if this is still a thing or not.
Best of luck with you and your wife. Mental illness is never a easy thing to deal with. It's possible that he could be asexual. I've read about it online, interesting subject. He could have a low sex drive. What I don't understand if he's asexual why would he look at porn. He has admitted to looking at porn. I don't know how often he does it. He's active in being involved with volunteering in the community, Church, working & gone to college for 6yrs. so he's had plenty of opportunities to meet women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishViking
The only kinda bad sex I've ever had was losing my virginity. But it's a thing needed to be done, a learning experience like learning how to swim, drive or ride a bicycle.
Though after that the rest of the same night was great, and unfortunately for me I've been hungry for more ever since.
My point is there is no point in staying a virgin for some kind of purity sake, the dude should find out if he likes it instead of denying himself the experience... after that if he doesn't like it, the no need to repeat I guess, but at least then he knows.
I don't understand the "saving myself" type of thing. Do you save yourself from trying a new beer or sport or whatever as well? why?
You sound like me friend lol. ever since losing mine, I've been crazy about sex. I was planning on waiting until marriage. Then as I approached my 30's and feeling embarrassed about still being a virgin but wasn't ready for marriage with anyone at the time, I just did it with a guy I knew.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate
I have to wonder why OP is still with this man. This isn't the first thread she's post expressing disapproval of her partner's religious and abstaining behavior. I am thinking these threads are the same man.
The guy is all over the place, but doesn't seem to be in a rush for intercourse. He could very well have issues such as ED or porn-addiction due to being on the shelf for so long. Thus porn & rubbing one out has just become the norm for him, and now real-life doesn't hold up to the fantasy and desensitizing porn can cause for some.
It's clear you aren't compatible. This guy sounds like a mess. Unless he's the only man available where you live & you're desperate, find another man if you're sex-starved -then you won't have to try and decode this guy. Why waste 2 years on this one you don't get, whose views you have severe problems with, and who blames you for his getting naked.
There are reasons why I'm still with him. He is a wonderful man, just a bit messed up from his religious beliefs.
There are reasons why I'm still with him. He is a wonderful man, just a bit messed up from his religious beliefs.
But you're still incompatible. Someone being wonderful is nice, but things can't necessarily be built on just that, if here's a MAJOR part of the relationship you're constantly dissatisfied with and you disagree with core beliefs such as religion & sex. Those are big things to be on the same page about. If you aren't, you should try finding other wonderful / great men to date where you can both give one another what you want and/or need. And nobody is starved for anything.
You've put up with this for at least 2 years. You'll have to have one very frank talk about not wanting a celibate relationship. If his stance doesn't change, you have some choices. Stay with him and get used to celibacy. Ask for an open relationship with a FB on the side. Break it off completely, and try hooking up with other men who aren't religious and sexual unavailable.
Last edited by HappyRain; 10-11-2017 at 11:15 PM..
This is disturbing, not to have sex at such a late age. you know there has to be some negative psychological impact, going so long without doing it. He needs help, to evaluate what has happened.
this religious practice is something that women , more so than men, deal with. In a way, saving yourself for marriage is something preached so we wont have sex crazed teens and unwanted pregnancies. It is also considered a gift, from the woman, to the man, by offering the untouched "baby maker". It is one thing, for a bride , to wait for marriage, until maybe the early 20's, but after that, what is the point?
Sex is fun, healthy, and brings stress relief. everyone needs to get their satisfaction. Reaching 50, and still sticking to those pre historic rituals is ridiculous . There is nothing dirty, about 2 consenting, grown adults having pre marital sex. Adults control their own lives, and breaking some religious rules is ok.
Life is an open book , to gain experience and knowledge, so you can do things better. Not practicing sex leads to inexperienced sex partners, leads to boring sex. So, if you are not dating, relationship skills suffer. If you dont drive a car enough, you are not a skilled driver, and so on.
Men do not lose their virginity, as there is not one to give. Invite him to have some sexual escapades with you, or move on. I am not sure how old you may be, but you guys are missing out. What else is their to a relationship, besides caring for each other? Why be in a relationship as a couple, if there is no sex? you guys are just friends, basically.
My ex H was "experienced." He was also a porn addict and a terrible, terrible lover. Sexperience doesn't equal being a good lover.
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(Sorry to hijack your thread, OP)
