On-going Sexual Relationship Issues (girlfriend, long distance, how to, sex)

[Aeron]

Recently, me and my girlfriend (both 18 years old) have gotten into a relationship where she lives in kingston and I live in London (not England), and I come down usually every 3 weeks to a month for about a weekends visit, but for the past two months of us being long distance, our sexual relationship seems to be struggling. We have a very healthy relationship, no hiding anything, no secrets, we're 100% honest with each other, not really many problems other than the one I'm about to mention.

When we have sex, it seems to put her in pain, and we don't continue because I don't want her to be in pain while having sex. Before we both moved different places (for university), we never had this problem, maybe being sore for a couple hours or the next day, but it would go away. Now, she can't really have sex at all, it hurts too much when I try to put it in, and sometimes even a finger can hurt. She says she feels a stinging pain, and we don't continue. The pain also seems to be constant, where especially after having sex it hurts really badly, and penetration also hurts, but it stays like that for the next week. She even said that she felt pain from the last time we had sex (which was around 3 weeks ago)

We've tried looking up different ways on what could be wrong, but she says a lot of the stuff doesn't match what she might have. Since this is so recent we haven't really discussed going to a doctor about it, but she seems to avoid it. She says when she has time she can get it checked out but she said that the last time as well. I'm not worried about her having sex with other people because I trust her, and I'm sure nothing is going on, but i don't understand why she would avoid getting it checked out. Also, her mom is a nurse and is too afraid to bring up this problem to her, which is understandable, probably because she doesn't want her mother knowing about our sexual relationship.

If anyone has/had any of the same problems or experiences, it would be really nice to hear / how to possibly fix this. Does anyone have any ideas ?

[fleetiebelle]

Is she on birth conntrol? Was she sexually active prior to your relationship? She needs to see her gynecologist.

[zentropa]

It concerns me that you don't see this ^^^ as the obvious answer.

[Aeron]

Yes she is on birth control, and she has been sexually actively prior to our relationship.

But she avoids seeing the doctor or gynaecologist , so I'm not sure what to do

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by Aeron

Yes she is on birth control, and she has been sexually actively prior to our relationship.

But she avoids seeing the doctor or gynaecologist , so I'm not sure what to do

Simple. Avoid having the kind of sex that hurts her until she does.

Have any other ideas in mind? Because this also seems obvious.

[Aeron]

Yeah we haven't had sex in a while, we attempt to because she wants to but it hurts her too much, so we don't do it. Also, she is very busy is school, so maybe that's why she avoids going to the doctor to visit this? I also think another problem would be because of school, and the amount of stress it causes her, we've talked about this, and I should've mentioned in the forum as well, that she's in a very time consuming program, and her diet and everything has changed, sleep, routine, etc. I think this is one of the biggest possibilities as to why it hurts

[fleetiebelle]

It could be an infection or condition, or it could be psychological. She's not going to know unless she sees her doctor. You're young, but you both need to learn that being sexually active carries some responsibility with it. She needs to take care of herself and not feel pressured. So until she has that appointment maybe back off of the physical and be affectionate and relaxed together.

[Aeron]

Thanks for the advice everyone, we're going to try and work our way through this also amazed at how fast people responded

[carnivalday]

Try a couple of glasses of wine.

[Aeron]

Haha we did drink a bit because we were going to go out with friends! Even then it still hurts haha