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One of my best friends has been living with a guy (I'll call him "John") for the past 17 yrs. She has cheated on John at various times due to her not being happy. I think John has cheated as well, but have never talked to him about it.
John doesn't treat her well and this bothers my friend. She says that John told her loved her but wasn't in love with her and that she should find someone else. She has tried to find other men but nothing sticks.
There was one guy she going to leave him for but that fell through when the new guy decided he didn't want a relationship with her.
My problem is that all she does is complain about John and how bad he is to her and that the relationship is going nowhere. But she won't leave him. She just complains about him.
I listen to her because I think that is what a good friend should do but I'm so tired of it. I really think that she doesn't want to be alone (who does?). It's getting harder and harder to have respect for her because of this situation.
She is a pretty, smart, financially secure woman so I don't why she doesn't want to live alone or find a female roommate.
Can someone help me understand what is going on with her? I just don't get this at all. If she is unhappy, then why stay with someone who obviously doesn't want to be with you?
Can someone help me understand what is going on with THEM?
John has pretty much said that the relationship (unofficial marriage) is dead. Put a fork in him, he is done. Perhaps they both stay in the hope of resurrecting it. It can be done, but they both have to want to see it alive again, and work together to make that happen.
Chances are it will end in a breakup (unofficial divorce). Just be supportive, because that is really all you can do, and anything more than that may not be helpful and possibly even lead to angry feelings toward you. You need to pretty much mind your business. They are the only ones that can fix this, if it can be fixed.
Last edited by ComeCloser; 11-14-2017 at 06:06 AM..
John has pretty much said that the marriage is dead. Put a fork in him, he is done. Perhaps they both stay in the hope of resurrecting it. It can be done, but they both have to want to see it alive again, and work together to make that happen.
This does sound pretty close. They are not married. He told her he doesn't want to get married and if she mentions that word, it's over. She won't mention that word anymore.
This does sound pretty close. They are not married. He told her he doesn't want to get married and if she mentions that word, it's over. She won't mention that word anymore.
Okay, thanks. To me living together for 17 years is a marriage, but okay. Please substitute relationship. In fact, I'll go fix that, because inevitably there may be others who will skim over the thread, and want to correct me, not realizing I have already been corrected.
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15
This does sound pretty close. They are not married. He told her he doesn't want to get married and if she mentions that word, it's over. She won't mention that word anymore.
But aren't they common-law married anyway?
I wish you had said this in the first post. If it was me, I would call his bluff, even if it isn't a bluff. I would tell him that its time I stop wasting my time. But that's me. If I was you, I would still watch my step. Its still their relationship.
Okay, thanks. To me living together for 17 years is a marriage, but okay. Please substitute relationship. In fact, I'll go fix that, because inevitably there may be others who will skim over the thread, and want to correct me, not realizing I have already been corrected.
I wish you had said this in the first post. If it was me, I would call his bluff, even if it isn't a bluff. I would tell him that its time I stop wasting my time. But that's me. If I was you, I would still watch my step. Its still their relationship.
Sorry I didn't mention that they were never married and that he doesn't want to be married.
They both must rather live with somebody than live alone and think of each other as better than nothing.
If you're tired of hearing about it and it's the same old, same old, just tell her.
Friends should be there to listen but not when it's just constant complaining about the same crap.
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