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No, you're not. This is not about you. They are consenting adults and it is not up to you to uphold everyone else's moral standards and protect their wedding vows. This is none of your business.
It happens in work environments all the time. One of the admins I knew where I used to work had to deal with her boss having workday trysts with another man while his wife, who worked for the same company but in a different department would come down looking for him and get snippy with the admin because she "didn't know" where he was. She knew he was in the conference room or the supply closet with this other man.
She finally confronted him and told him to keep his side business out of the office because she wasn't going to cover for him anymore.
Just totally avoid them, at work and outside. As much as you can of course since he is a superior. It will come crashing down at some point. If people already know, it won't stay hidden.
It happens in work environments all the time. One of the admins I knew where I used to work had to deal with her boss having workday trysts with another man while his wife, who worked for the same company but in a different department would come down looking for him and get snippy with the admin because she "didn't know" where he was. She knew he was in the conference room or the supply closet with this other man.
She finally confronted him and told him to keep his side business out of the office because she wasn't going to cover for him anymore.
No kidding. I worked in an office of 28 people once that was kind of the Wild, Wild West. There were three affairs going on. My direct report was one of those, having an affair with an account executive down the hall.
They were discreet enough for a while, but then they started disappearing for longer periods of time. I once needed his signoff on a project when he was off on one of his assignations. He came back in a rush, and was annoyed when I immediately began hounding him for approval. He started pushing back and I said, "Dave, it's not my fault that you were off banging Teri. Now sign off on this."
"What? Who told you?"
"Dave. Everybody knows."
"Oh, sh*t."
In other words, people who think they're being discreet usually aren't discreet at all. At least to an observant person.
It wasn't long after that when his wife found out. She was someone who wore barbed wire next to the skin and killed rats with her teeth, so I can only imagine the hell Dave went through when she learned about his extracurricular activities. However, they patched things up and recently celebrated their 30th anniversary.
Another one of those affairs didn't end so well. The president of the company was banging a different account person. His wife found out about it and went scorched earth with the divorce attorney. So he checked himself into a hotel with a pint of rocky road ice cream, a bottle of champaign, and a pistol.
No kidding. I worked in an office of 28 people once and there were three affairs going on. My direct report was one of those, having an affair with an account executive down the hall.
They were discreet enough for a while, but then they started disappearing for longer periods of time. I once needed his signoff on a project when he was off on one of his assignations. He came back in a rush, and was annoyed when I immediately began hounding him for approval. He started pushing back and I said, "Dave, it's not my fault that you were off banging Teri. Now sign off on this."
"What? Who told you?"
"Dave. Everybody knows."
"Oh, sh*t."
In other words, people who think they're being discreet usually aren't discreet at all. At least to an observant person.
It wasn't long after that when his wife found out. She was someone who wore barbed wire next to the skin and killed rats with her teeth, so I can only imagine the hell Dave went through when she learned about his extracurricular activities. However, they patched things up and recently celebrated their 30th anniversary.
Hahaha, love the description of the wife, and hey, sometimes people work it out. In the case I described, lots of people knew this man had affairs with other men and no one could understand how the wife didn't know.
The worst part for me was when another coworker was getting divorced, and the wife offered her sympathy, telling us that she had been married previously at 19 and then found out her husband was gay and was just using her as a beard. We just looked at her, shocked, thinking, and you made that same mistake again!
She eventually found out very painfully. He was arrested in a public park for soliciting a male prostitute.
Hi, I am in a complicated situation and would like to know your opinion. My married superior (John) is having affair with another coworker (Lucy) and I know about it (they both know I know but telling me fairy tales). Lucy is an office **** and I was fooled by her too but found out that soon. John and his wife (Emily) are expecting a baby. Lucy and Emily are best friends. I know Emily personally. Now I need to make a decision what to do.
I would say that I am very popular at work while they not so much. I love my job and people there. If I quit I would not have any problem finding another job. I know for sure that it is not possible for me to work with them anymore as we are in contact everyday. I was thinking about these possibilities:
1. I quit without saying anything (just in general that they are the reason). I know if I quit, more coworkers are going to do the same and company will have problems.
2. Ask John and Lucy to quit.
3. Do nothing. As I wrote above it is not acceptable because I can't exist around them anymore.
I know all of it is none of my business. But I am very sorry for Emily and what is the worst, they do not have moral credit and I can't stand it. Apart from that they had sex at work.
What would you do in my position?
Thank you.
Sure, Nellie. Hope this helps:
Keep out of that which does NOT concern you.
Second job out of college, I was there for seven years. I learned in a few years, from a friend of mine, to just assume everyone is (having relations with) everyone else. Hell, I tried it myself, as a single guy to other single women (I'm not a courter of married people).
As for activities in the office, what planet do you live on?? I don't have a friend who has *not* had relations on their desk, someone else's desk, someone's comfy couch, on the Herman Miller Aerilon char, and God knows what else! Seriously, get out more. I've done it on the hood of a Porsche 911, and was thankful there were no scratches on the clear coat after more than anything else. I'm no Casanova, but it was a fun and interesting thing to try with Ms. So-and-So, who from the looks of her would easily pass as Betty the Librarian and the most stern person you've ever worked with. She was the total opposite when wound up, which is my whole point: that's....what...people....do.
I learned some married people I knew were having "affairs" with others, a couple times at that seven year job. In fact, I can think of three long-term deals which means there were a dozen, two dozen, more in an office of 300 I didn't know about. While it earned my contempt and disdain, didn't slow me down in the slightest from working closely with one, or both, or all parties for major projects. I don't care about their personal problems, Nellie. Nor should you. Then decades later I was on another team at Big Software Inc. for years, and found out same thing happening, different names: attractive Admin Betty is having a fling with Director Charlie. Charlie's wife is on pills. Gorgeous vendor Sally is doing married German guy Dirk. Dirk goes both ways.
...on and on. I stopped listening, being one who has long since gotten his jollies elsewhere, and quietly. Point?
That's what people do.
End of story, Nellie.
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