Ok what do people mean when they say you are trying too hard when it comes to relationships ? (dating, man)

[singaporelady]

Often hear people use the term don't try to hard or come across as trying too hard..


So what constitutes trying too hard ? Besides the obvious trying on and on even though you have been rejected ..

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by singaporelady

Often hear people use the term don't try to hard or come across as trying too hard..


So what constitutes trying too hard ? Besides the obvious trying on and on even though you have been rejected ..

It could be a couple of things.

If you're trying to hard in general, it could be this:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/defi...?term=try-hard

If they mean you're trying too hard to find a mate, they probably includes actively searching out dates on online dating sites and constantly being "on the make" with people in public to the point that it's unnatural and you're not really being yourself.

They could mean that you need to focus more on your actual life, your work and hobbies and existing family and friendships, to be a person who is worth knowing. Put your efforts into living a life that people want to be part of instead of focusing on the fill-in-the-blank approach to finding a partner.

We really need more specifics to answer your question.

[Fifty Seven]

There is an unfortunate side effect of the western dating culture where it can be said that the person who cares the least in a relationship has the advantage, or has all the leverage. Perhaps it has something to do with that.

[MrRational]

Originally Posted by singaporelady

what do people mean when they say you are trying too hard ... ?

That you're trying too hard.

They want to experience less of the 'do"... and more of the 'be'
Be the person that you are not what you think they want you to be.

Often hear people use the term don't try to hard or come across as trying too hard..
So what constitutes trying too hard?

These are subtle social skills that most will master before leaving grammar school.

While most of these are universally human many of these skills and cues and norms ARE culturally based.
Asking westerners what 'normal' should be in a place like Singapore won't help much.

[Sassybluesy]

When you try too hard, you come off as needy. Which is not a good thing to be. Healthy people don't want to have to take care of someone needy, and unscrupulous people will take advantage of someone needy.


Develop your life. Make friends, take a class, etc. This sends the message that you have stuff going on, and you're not waiting by the phone for some guy to call you. This makes you more appealing in the long run.

[Frihed89]

Ask the people who are telling you this what they mean, with examples of your behavior and possible alternatives. We can only guess. Are you sure you have no clue? That's not a good sign.

[CrueRulz]

It's hard to explain. I'll attempt it.


One thing is, it seems 'forced'. Like you're not just being yourself.

It's obvious you're trying to be something different than your natural self, as a means to an end.


Another example might be, say you have someone you're interested in. Instead of coming off as natural, you go out of your way in a very obvious way to see him/her. There's a subtle way to make yourself be in his/her presence, without it seeming forced, and it takes work to master it.

[TJenkins602]

Originally Posted by singaporelady

Often hear people use the term don't try to hard or come across as trying too hard..


So what constitutes trying too hard ? Besides the obvious trying on and on even though you have been rejected ..

One example I can think about is trying to change yourself so that you can appear to be the person you think the man wants instead of being yourself.

[MichaelBC]

coming on too strong in the beginning. It is like you constantly sending flowers, notes, messages about how pretty she is. At least that's one way.

[rego00123]

Trying to appeal to others sensibilities while ignoring your own.