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More or less... but is there any way to get his dad to stop asking?
Yes. Answer his solicitations with a suggestion he go into a 12-step program. Every time he asks. Don't even answer the question about money. Respond with a kindly suggestion that he get involved in a program.
Yes. Answer his solicitations with a suggestion he go into a 12-step program. Every time he asks. Don't even answer the question about money. Respond with a kindly suggestion that he get involved in a program.
Your fiance has to do this. It can't be you. Fiance can come up with a stock answer like, "I won't loan you any more money. Please stop asking." He sends that every time with no further discussion. Does HE have the guts?
More or less... but is there any way to get his dad to stop asking?
Yes. Next time there is a request, your fiance should say, "We have recently made a strict financial plan that we will be using in our marriage, and Jdawg is the Comptroller. From now on, Jdawg will be handling our budget, so I need to ask her if we have room in our spending for that, while still meeting our short- and long-term goals." Then you, OP, say no. Can't afford it. Be the brick wall, and use your strict financial goals (keep it vague) as your reason.
After a few times he will stop.
You are also modeling smart financial decisionmaking.
Your fiance has to do this. It can't be you. Fiance can come up with a stock answer like, "I won't loan you any more money. Please stop asking." He sends that every time with no further discussion. Does HE have the guts?
Yes. Next time there is a request, your fiance should say, "We have recently made a strict financial plan that we will be using in our marriage, and Jdawg is the Comptroller. From now on, Jdawg will be handling our budget, so I need to ask her if we have room in our spending for that, while still meeting our short- and long-term goals." Then you, OP, say no. Can't afford it. Be the brick wall, and use your strict financial goals (keep it vague) as your reason.
After a few times he will stop.
You are also modeling smart financial decisionmaking.
Why is this HER problem to solve? It should be her husband's issue to deal with. I get a sense that he doesn't have the guts to completely cut his dad off. And THIS is the real problem here.
Why is this HER problem to solve? It should be her husband's issue to deal with. I get a sense that he doesn't have the guts to completely cut his dad off. And THIS is the real problem here.
It's a joint problem. They are going to be married, and it is their money in question, hers as much as his. The Dad will be less likely to keep asking for more if SHE acts as the gatekeeper relaying the message of marital solidarity, rather than the son he finds so easy to manipulate.
This is a team effort, and it WILL work. Sometimes it's better to be practical than righteous, don't you agree?
It's a joint problem. They are going to be married, and it is their money in question, hers as much as his. The Dad will be less likely to keep asking for more if SHE acts as the gatekeeper relaying the message of marital solidarity, rather than the son he finds so easy to manipulate.
This is a team effort, and it WILL work. Sometimes it's better to be practical than righteous, don't you agree?
I do NOT agree. They aren't even married yet, for starters. And we don't know if they will have joint finances or not; it's not safe to assume that every married couple handles their money that way. Nonetheless, the father is hounding the SON, so the SON should deal with it, rather than hiding behind his wife's ... uh ... skirt.
I do NOT agree. They aren't even married yet, for starters. And we don't know if they will have joint finances or not; it's not safe to assume that every married couple handles their money that way. Nonetheless, the father is hounding the SON, so the SON should deal with it, rather than hiding behind his wife's ... uh ... skirt.
You still don't get it. The truth doesn't matter to the Dad. The question was how to get him to stop asking. I invented a line they can use to get him to stop asking. It's a negotiating tactic. All the PC bull**** about who controls the finances is irrelevant, and they can do it any way they want. It's the message to the Dad that is important. See?
You still don't get it. The truth doesn't matter to the Dad. The question was how to get him to stop asking. I invented a line they can use to get him to stop asking. It's a negotiating tactic. All the PC bull**** about who controls the finances is irrelevant, and they can do it any way they want. It's the message to the Dad that is important. See?
Yeah, I invented a line that HE can use to get Dad to stop asking. See my first post in this thread. Not sure where you are confused.
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