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My husband was a truck driver for about 20 years. He loved the lifestyle of being by himself and doesn't get along with co-workers or bosses so this was a good fit. However the stress of the road and the idiot drivers was getting to him and he was contemplating on coming off the road, but with no specific job in mind. In August he took several weeks off for vacation and when he went back to work in September he had a non injury accident his first day back. His company fired him as is the norm for trucking companies.
He has not looked for work since! He did various house projects the first week or so and then those ran out. He has been bored since and depressed I think. He wants to do some major renovations to the house which will keep him busy and is something he likes. However, without his income we are struggling financially. He didn't make a lot of money and neither do I but together we made the most we have ever had in our 25 year marriage. Without his income we are $300. 00 above poverty level. So we don't have money to do major renovations and he doesn't seem to comprehend this. I have shown him our budget and our shrinking bank account. We are nickel and diming our savings and this stresses me out. He hasn't looked for work and states he cant think of a job he would like to do other than fix up houses or old cars. He has only a little experience with renovations so that is not an option to pay the bills. He does have experience fixing up older cars but who is going to buy them?
At any rate he is bored each day and sleeps most of the day and watches t.v. the rest of the day. I think he is depressed. But he could change that! I don't mention the job situation to him but did one time at the beginning. I told him how I felt and how I feel about a man not working when he has no valid reason not to. I thought for this reason alone he would want to work. This is affecting our marriage and definitely my feelings toward him. When friends and acquaintances ask what he is doing since coming off the road he replies "my wife won't let me do anything around the house"! Wow....
I realize there is nothing I can do or say to make him want to work. Just needed to vent.
Sometimes it's not about liking it. If you need a job, you take anything.
You know, truckers don't earn that bad and OP has a very low paying job - so he was probably the main provider for the past 20 years.
So how long would you stay w/ a person like this? If you want to waste, 2, 5, 7, etc. yrs w/ them still being in a slump & watching TV, go ahead. I read this situation to my fiance' (male) & he said worse about this guy...that it's about pure laziness.
Yes, I've heard truckers can mk good $, but obviously, that's not helping them anymore now. Sounds like he couldn't even make a plan to quit AFTER saving up a good amount to last a while. No he just went on a several wk- vacation & then made sure this "accident" on his 1st day back made it DEFINITE that he didn't have to work anymore. What kind of husband puts his wife that he supposedly loves & cares for in this kind of financial position?! Id be furious if my husband did that to me & us.
I hope the OP keeps us updated. She's obviously getting more miserable & one day, she's going to be completely fed up.
We've all had to do what we don't like or want to do, but if we know our priorities & that it's important, we just buckle down & do it. This husband of hers seems to have gotten way too comfortable w/ his situation (& it's not even a good situation). A marriage can't survive on love alone, unfortunately.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 02-02-2018 at 11:23 AM..
So how long would you stay w/ a person like this? If you want to waste, 2, 5, 7, etc. yrs w/ them still being in a slump & watching TV, go ahead. I read this situation to my fiance' (male) & he said worse about this guy...that it's about pure laziness.
Yes, I've heard truckers can mk good $, but obviously, that's not helping them anymore now. Sounds like he couldn't even make a plan to quit AFTER saving up a good amount to last a while. No he just went on a several wk- vacation & then made sure this "accident" on his 1st day back made it DEFINITE that he didn't have to work anymore. What kind of husband puts his wife that he supposedly loves & cares for in this kind of financial position?! Id be furious if my husband did that to me & us.
I hope the OP keeps us updated. She's obviously getting more miserable & one day, she's going to be completely fed up.
We've all had to do what we don't like or want to do, but if we know our priorities & that it's important, we just buckle down & do it. This husband of hers seems to have gotten way too comfortable w/ his situation (& it's not even a good situation). A marriage can't survive on love alone, unfortunately.
Truckers make enough money and don't have much time to spend it, so who do you think spent it the past years?
Well, not being judgmental here, but while he was out working hard by driving, OP sat at home, living off his money and did not further her career while he was always away. She claims she barely makes any money. So it sound like he pulled her through with him financially and now she should drop him when he isn't bringing in money for them anymore?
^ OK if that's indeed the case, then she could have gone to school & gotten Ph.D. way by now! They seem to be horrible money managers. I mean it's one thing to be young & poor, but old(er) & poor too!
Truckers make enough money and don't have much time to spend it, so who do you think spent it the past years?
Well, not being judgmental here, but while he was out working hard by driving, OP sat at home, living off his money and did not further her career while he was always away. She claims she barely makes any money. So it sound like he pulled her through with him financially and now she should drop him when he isn't bringing in money for them anymore?
I agree with you, lots of judgemental comments and a few posters even think a male job loss is a divorcable offense. No one would be saying this if the wifey lost her job. In this era of equal rights why should anyone think or expect the man should be a sole breadwinner who comes home in his suit everyday like Ward Cleaver. Not only is that world gone, but so is the economy that made that world possible. A wife should expect to have to earn at least half the income, and if she can’t should she be tossed to the curb as well? Don’t get me wrong, this guy needs to get a job but a few months of unemployment is NOT a divorce case. What part of “TIL death do we part” do these ice princesses not understand? Job loss happens, especially to middle age people whom the employers of the world often look to quietly discard. People need to learn a bit of empathy here.
Obviously the OP should cut all unnecessary expenses like cable tv and other luxuries. I am sure this man will see the need to find work. After all this guy worked 20 years, it’s not like he has a.history of being a bum.
After 4+ months, I'd issue an ultimatum - get professional help and get a job. In the meantime, get ready to sell the house. Refusal to get help and/or find a job?? You walk. You don't deserve to dig life with your teeth. Don't let him drag you straight into the ground.
Have to agree to a certain extent. I understand him sitting around for a month to clear his head, but being off since August is absolutely ridiculous! He needs to get out of this slump and get out there and find a job before you lose your house or go bankrupt. So he lost his job, he didn't like it anyway! He like to fix things, then tell him to start his own business as a handyman. That way he works for and by himself!
^ Right! Everyone thinks I'm so cold & heartless for saying similar things.
(BTW, I've noticed for a LONG time on discussion boards in general that when you say something that goes against the grain of most others, the ones that do agree may send a PM or a reputation thing on here saying, "I agree" & things like that. I've gotten reps on here about what I said in this thread, so it's just a shame more people don't OPENLY agree w/ certain others rather than doing it in private because they're afraid to have their head cut off by others.)
^ Right! Everyone thinks I'm so cold & heartless for saying similar things.
(BTW, I've noticed for a LONG time on discussion boards in general that when you say something that goes against the grain of most others, the ones that do agree may send a PM or a reputation thing on here saying, "I agree" & things like that. I've gotten reps on here about what I said in this thread, so it's just a shame more people don't OPENLY agree w/ certain others rather than doing it in private because they're afraid to have their head cut off by others.)
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab
Have to agree to a certain extent. I understand him sitting around for a month to clear his head, but being off since August is absolutely ridiculous! He needs to get out of this slump and get out there and find a job before you lose your house or go bankrupt. So he lost his job, he didn't like it anyway! He like to fix things, then tell him to start his own business as a handyman. That way he works for and by himself!
If he is depressed, it isn't something one just decides to shake off.
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So we don't have money to do major renovations and he doesn't seem to comprehend this. I have shown him our budget and our shrinking bank account. We are nickel and diming our savings and this stresses me out. He hasn't looked for work and states he cant think of a job he would like to do other than fix up houses or old cars. He has only a little experience with renovations so that is not an option to pay the bills. He does have experience fixing up older cars but who is going to buy them? 
Everyone thinks I'm so cold & heartless for saying similar things. 
