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I don't read it as worried about if she says yes.
Even though it would NOT be good for him if she wants to remain just friends, it seems like he'd rather stick around and be miserable rather than lose the friendship status if she declines a more personal relationship and he doesn't want to jeopardize that painful situation.
The bigger problem is why he would settle for torturing himself just to have her in his life which prevents him from seeking something better for himself
The fear of yes (or no) would be the motivation to stay miserable. I'm not saying I'm sure that's the case, but it's my inference from the dozens of posts he's made over these many months. Our comfort zones are usually pretty barren places, and we choose barren, but safe, over the risk of better all the time.
I don't read it as worried about if she says yes.
Even though it would NOT be good for him if she wants to remain just friends, it seems like he'd rather stick around and be miserable rather than lose the friendship status if she declines a more personal relationship and he doesn't want to jeopardize that painful situation.
The bigger problem is why he would settle for torturing himself just to have her in his life which prevents him from seeking something better for himself
But that's really the problem. It's supposed to be a way to keep that touch of a woman...but it can't, forever. It's a subconscious solution but this solution can't last. Because the pain it is causing him is increasingly larger than the benefit he's getting. One of two things must happen: he will blow up, and lose her even as a friend as he can't take any more, or she will get tired of all of it and dump him, possibly at the same time as she gets back with the ex or finds someone new.
Things won't get better from here, they will grow more hollow as even more time goes by without him receiving that ultimate thing he (thinks he) wants, a relationship with this girl.
And the larger problem is that since this is an issue related directly to the OP's anxiety issues, it will repeat. Not just in romance but everywhere. Because it hasn't been fixed. Things will only get worse from here because the more years he spends living this way, the more he'll look back and see a "whole life" of anxiety, frustration and loneliness.
This sort of issue can really destroy a person. Especially over time.
It is NOT something that one answer to one specific conversation with one specific girl, from strangers on the internet, can fix.
But that's really the problem. It's supposed to be a way to keep that touch of a woman...but it can't, forever. It's a subconscious solution but this solution can't last. Because the pain it is causing him is increasingly larger than the benefit he's getting. One of two things must happen: he will blow up, and lose her even as a friend as he can't take any more, or she will get tired of all of it and dump him, possibly at the same time as she gets back with the ex or finds someone new.
Things won't get better from here, they will grow more hollow as even more time goes by without him receiving that ultimate thing he (thinks he) wants, a relationship with this girl.
And the larger problem is that since this is an issue related directly to the OP's anxiety issues, it will repeat. Not just in romance but everywhere. Because it hasn't been fixed. Things will only get worse from here because the more years he spends living this way, the more he'll look back and see a "whole life" of anxiety, frustration and loneliness.
This sort of issue can really destroy a person. Especially over time.
It is NOT something that one answer to one specific conversation with one specific girl, from strangers on the internet, can fix.
What do you mean she will get tired of it all and dump me? Of a friendship?
JBT1980
Show us how all of our speculations have just been of speculative entertainment value.
Regardless of by text, phone, email or in person, have you asked your 'friend' for a more personal relationship?
What do you mean she will get tired of it all and dump me? Of a friendship?
No. What I'm saying is, there is an obviously underlying current here. You're not "just" friends and you both know it. You strongly want more and she knows that; she needs the attention and subtly keeps you on the hook so she can keep getting it, and she's deep down aware of that too.
This means things have to come to a head eventually. She'll get a new boyfriend and he'll start going to her, "Why don't you tell that poor dude you're taken already so he can find someone?" or she herself will realize how guilty she feels at that point and will break things off, or slowly disappear.
OR you'll reach your breaking point.
I'm not psychic, and I can't possibly cover every angle, but the tension and obvious inauthenticity of this friendship (because she KNOWS you want more and you KNOW you can't outright ask or she may just bolt) mean it can't last forever this way. It just can't.
Yes, OP, you have to be aware that when she gets into a new relationship (which could happen any minute now) your friendship will be over anyway. Your only chance and hope lies in acting immediately. Don't think, just DO.
Yes, OP, you have to be aware that when she gets into a new relationship (which could happen any minute now) your friendship will be over anyway. Your only chance and hope lies in acting immediately. Don't think, just DO.
That's my reasoning when I fear losing the friendship that I'm gonna lose it anyway.
But if a friendship can't last when people get into a relationship was it a real friendship?
That's my reasoning when I fear losing the friendship that I'm gonna lose it anyway.
But if a friendship can't last when people get into a relationship was it a real friendship?
This is not a real friendship. It is a dishonest romantic attachment on your side, and an honest friendship on hers.
No boyfriend worth the name is going to be ok with his GF spending time with a straight male friend who is obviously infatuated, who has shared a bed with her and who wants to hold her hand at a bar while getting drunk together.
You know all this. You're stalling. It's 4:15 here.
This is not a real friendship. It is a dishonest romantic attachment on your side, and an honest friendship on hers.
No boyfriend worth the name is going to be ok with his GF spending time with a straight male friend who is obviously infatuated, who has shared a bed with her and who wants to hold her hand at a bar while getting drunk together.
You know all this. You're stalling. It's 4:15 here.
I didn't initiate holding hands or sleeping with her..That was her.
I didn't initiate holding hands or sleeping with her..That was her.
Yes I am sure he will appreciate the distinction.
Stop stalling.
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