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Your live in partner has very high blood pressure. He doesn’t take the medicine a lot of the time. He is trying hard to work out more to get it down, but it is still VERY high most days he takes it.
He often says he feels like he is having a heart attack. I’ve come to learn he says this a lot. So yesterday, we are driving —2 kids in the backseat and he tells me he is not okay. He stops at a stoplight and says he is very confused about where he is at. He checks his apple watch and his heart rate is 160.
I tell him to pull over so I can drive and get him to a hospital. He tells me no. He fights me on it and I demand he pull over. He eventually pulls into a parking lot and keeps driving around. He says he is still confused.
I get in the car and I tell him I’m taking him to a hospital. He said to take him to a good one. Then 5 minutes later he says he is fine. He says he doesn’t have insurance so he doesn’t want to deal with the bill. But his speech is slurred.
I tell him I am taking him. I try to get there quickly and he tells me that I am causing him more stress and he will NOT go. And that I’m trying to kill him because I won’t listen to him. He says to take him home so he can rest and that if I go to a hospital he will refuse treatment — that i’ll ‘look like a fool’ and he will uber home.
I don’t know what to do.
I am stopped at stop sign again and his heart rate goes up again. I say too bad, we are going. He then tells me he feels very strange. He can’t keep his thoughts — he thinks he is dying. I try to hold his hand. He tells me no.
He says he feels cold and he’s dying. He says “it’s time…I want to go”. He then says he needs to text his kids. He apparently did. I’m racing to the hospital as fast as I can. I try to talk to him and he tells me to STOP TALKING.
He is leaning back and says he feels no pain. “death is close”. “I have peace. I want to go”
We get to the hospital. His blood pressure is 235/130. I told the ER I felt he was having a heart attack or stroke. He goes in and they test him. No heart attack. But seriously high blood pressure. They did all the tests.
He then tells me “I saw heaven”. “they were waiting for me…I saw lots of people happy waiting for me. I died for a minute there”
He never lost consciousness. He never died (from what I can tell)
As we were driving home he said he would “laugh from heaven at how I dealt with having a dead body in the car —“ he imagined that I would be screaming and panicking and he would be laughing.
I said that’s not funny.
This morning I told him I was very sad about how all that unfolded. That he seemed to not care about me — and that the joke about the dead body in the car was very hurtful. I tried to do the best I could to take care of him.
He said it was just a joke and I like to make everything about me.
Your live in partner has very high blood pressure. He doesn’t take the medicine a lot of the time. He is trying hard to work out more to get it down, but it is still VERY high most days he takes it.
He often says he feels like he is having a heart attack. I’ve come to learn he says this a lot. So yesterday, we are driving —2 kids in the backseat and he tells me he is not okay. He stops at a stoplight and says he is very confused about where he is at. He checks his apple watch and his heart rate is 160.
I tell him to pull over so I can drive and get him to a hospital. He tells me no. He fights me on it and I demand he pull over. He eventually pulls into a parking lot and keeps driving around. He says he is still confused.
I get in the car and I tell him I’m taking him to a hospital. He said to take him to a good one. Then 5 minutes later he says he is fine. He says he doesn’t have insurance so he doesn’t want to deal with the bill. But his speech is slurred.
I tell him I am taking him. I try to get there quickly and he tells me that I am causing him more stress and he will NOT go. And that I’m trying to kill him because I won’t listen to him. He says to take him home so he can rest and that if I go to a hospital he will refuse treatment — that i’ll ‘look like a fool’ and he will uber home.
I don’t know what to do.
I am stopped at stop sign again and his heart rate goes up again. I say too bad, we are going. He then tells me he feels very strange. He can’t keep his thoughts — he thinks he is dying. I try to hold his hand. He tells me no.
He says he feels cold and he’s dying. He says “it’s time…I want to go”. He then says he needs to text his kids. He apparently did. I’m racing to the hospital as fast as I can. I try to talk to him and he tells me to STOP TALKING.
He is leaning back and says he feels no pain. “death is close”. “I have peace. I want to go”
We get to the hospital. His blood pressure is 235/130. I told the ER I felt he was having a heart attack or stroke. He goes in and they test him. No heart attack. But seriously high blood pressure. They did all the tests.
He then tells me “I saw heaven”. “they were waiting for me…I saw lots of people happy waiting for me. I died for a minute there”
He never lost consciousness. He never died (from what I can tell)
As we were driving home he said he would “laugh from heaven at how I dealt with having a dead body in the car —“ he imagined that I would be screaming and panicking and he would be laughing.
I said that’s not funny.
This morning I told him I was very sad about how all that unfolded. That he seemed to not care about me — and that the joke about the dead body in the car was very hurtful. I tried to do the best I could to take care of him.
He said it was just a joke and I like to make everything about me.
What would you do in this situation?
Next time I'd call 911 and let the EMTs deal with him. Then when the "crisis" was over, I'd get rid of him. The guy sounds like a train wreck, IMHO.
His kids or yours? I'd get out of there fast. You care more about his life than he does and he sounds practically suicidal. He knows about his condition and doesn't take his meds as directed, just half-heartedly (ha?) is trying to "get into shape". You can't rescue someone who doesn't help himself and he is putting the kids in danger...and you. Seriously...get out. And if the kids are his..alert their mom about what is happening.
The kids in the backseat were mine. Poor things had to witness that -- They are 11 and 9.
They were very good, in fact my oldest was helping watch his heart rate while I was driving from his watch.
His kids are older. They didn't even respond to his text. One did -- but that is it.
I did call his mother and inform her of what happened. She told me I did the right thing and asked me to keep her abreast of what was happening....and if she needed to come to the hospital.
I let her know -- he was ok.
He is actually very fit. He is working out even more now because of the high blood pressure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
His kids or yours? I'd get out of there fast. You care more about his life than he does and he sounds practically suicidal. He knows about his condition and doesn't take his meds as directed, just half-heartedly (ha?) is trying to "get into shape". You can't rescue someone who doesn't help himself and he is putting the kids in danger...and you. Seriously...get out. And if the kids are his..alert their mom about what is happening.
Your live in partner has very high blood pressure. He doesn’t take the medicine a lot of the time. He is trying hard to work out more to get it down, but it is still VERY high most days he takes it.
He often says he feels like he is having a heart attack. I’ve come to learn he says this a lot. So yesterday, we are driving —2 kids in the backseat and he tells me he is not okay. He stops at a stoplight and says he is very confused about where he is at. He checks his apple watch and his heart rate is 160.
I tell him to pull over so I can drive and get him to a hospital. He tells me no. He fights me on it and I demand he pull over. He eventually pulls into a parking lot and keeps driving around. He says he is still confused.
I get in the car and I tell him I’m taking him to a hospital. He said to take him to a good one. Then 5 minutes later he says he is fine. He says he doesn’t have insurance so he doesn’t want to deal with the bill. But his speech is slurred.
I tell him I am taking him. I try to get there quickly and he tells me that I am causing him more stress and he will NOT go. And that I’m trying to kill him because I won’t listen to him. He says to take him home so he can rest and that if I go to a hospital he will refuse treatment — that i’ll ‘look like a fool’ and he will uber home.
I don’t know what to do.
I am stopped at stop sign again and his heart rate goes up again. I say too bad, we are going. He then tells me he feels very strange. He can’t keep his thoughts — he thinks he is dying. I try to hold his hand. He tells me no.
He says he feels cold and he’s dying. He says “it’s time…I want to go”. He then says he needs to text his kids. He apparently did. I’m racing to the hospital as fast as I can. I try to talk to him and he tells me to STOP TALKING.
He is leaning back and says he feels no pain. “death is close”. “I have peace. I want to go”
We get to the hospital. His blood pressure is 235/130. I told the ER I felt he was having a heart attack or stroke. He goes in and they test him. No heart attack. But seriously high blood pressure. They did all the tests.
He then tells me “I saw heaven”. “they were waiting for me…I saw lots of people happy waiting for me. I died for a minute there”
He never lost consciousness. He never died (from what I can tell)
As we were driving home he said he would “laugh from heaven at how I dealt with having a dead body in the car —“ he imagined that I would be screaming and panicking and he would be laughing.
I said that’s not funny.
This morning I told him I was very sad about how all that unfolded. That he seemed to not care about me — and that the joke about the dead body in the car was very hurtful. I tried to do the best I could to take care of him.
He said it was just a joke and I like to make everything about me.
What would you do in this situation?
That's a real scary situation to be in. In the future, the next time you make him pull over right away and unless your a minute or two away from a hospital call 911 immediately. Don't know how religious you are and what your faith is but Stephen saw heaven open BEFORE he died and saw Jesus standing at the right hand of the father (Acts 7). I'm not saying your guy is some disciple or anything near that. But I find it interesting if he really did see heaven. I think something like that would change someone. He didn't appear to be changed after it and kind of joked about it; the dead body in the car and all. I would ask; you said you saw heaven. Was that really true? Can you tell me about it?
I would make sure you have a clear understanding of what his wishes are for his healthcare. I hope he has it written out and you are listed as his healthcare proxy with a real understanding for what he wants his care to be. And as for making everything about you, let him know you love him and you're scared at the possibility of him dying because he's being too stubborn to let you drive him to a hospital. This is about him not thinking about what he put you and those 2 kids in the backseat through.
Seems like a terrifying experience and you must've been so shaken up. I hope his health improves.
He isn’t taking his situation very seriously with regard to his high bp. Diet and exercise aren’t going to bring it down. He risks dying over not taking a pill, which seems very ignorant IMO.
The likelihood of a critical event is highly likely and I certainly wouldn’t let him drive with your kids again.
Next time I'd call 911 and let the EMTs deal with him. Then when the "crisis" was over, I'd get rid of him. The guy sounds like a train wreck, IMHO.
After he showed such a disregard for your safety and the safety of your children while he was having a health crisis (at the minimum, probably a mini-stroke if his words were slurred/disoriented/etc. etc.). I would not allow him to drive ever again with either me or my children as passengers. Nope, not ever again.
BTW, it is fool hardy not to have health insurance. When my husband had a mini-stroke (with FAR less symptoms than your SO had) he was hospitalized for four days and I believe that his hospital bill was about $60,000 (covered fully by Medicare and a supplement health insurance plan). In addition, he had a full month of out-patient OT, PT, & speech therapy to recover his skills.
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I know a little something about blood pressure.
If he's "very fit" and is working out "even more", the problem isn't his physical activity - he's doing fine in that regard.
If he's eating healthy and not consuming too much alcohol (3 drinks per day or fewer, for men), that's not the problem.
The problem is anxiety, not unhealthy lifestyle.
Working out more and more isn't going to help him.
But yeah, I think I might be done with him after this episode.
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