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You don't really love him. You just don't want to be alone. He certainly doesn't love you.
Stop being so desperate. Alone would be way better than being with a narcissistic, sociopathic, abusive loser like your "fiance." God help you if you marry him and make his problems - financial and otherwise - your problems.
Please clarify the benefits of being in this relationship. On top of what everyone else has said, there doesn't seem more than a habit driving you to maintain this commitment. What is your relationship history and why him/why now? If with what everything everyone is telling you, you don't see the liabilities, what will it take for you to identify the gross disconnect between you and your children, you and reality, you and him, and you and what you could have independently?
There are two 'people' who need counseling in this picture: your children and you. This fellow isn't about to change and projects blame on you for any parity you try to create, to level the field and create compromise and peace. You speak too much of his assets but you have minimized or compensated for him the train wreck he creates in simple discourse. How can you be so disconnected from a reality, with two original posts going in?
When things are this imbalanced, get help for yourself and get help for your kids. When you see what a mental and emotional liability he is, you will be able to simply, easily disconnect. It's clear you have not yet hit bottom. What will your reality look like in 6 months or a year? What are you committing yourself to in rescuing him from each emergency? There is nothing this good to maintain this relationship.
Good g0d woman - don't you care about your kids being exposed to this crazy guy? He could choose to take you ALL out at any moment because he cares nothing about his own life OR yours. He has a mother - let her be concerned and look after him - get out.
You sound like a martyr - believe me, you'll get nothing good out of this, in this life OR the next.
It's true that it could be mental. He is under extreme stress. And he is having serious money problems.
This afternoon (since my last post) we dropped my kids off at friends and he said he didn't feel well again. he said that he has felt for the past 2 weeks or so an 'undesirable sensation of illness'. He said he feels sick and panicky -- and feels anxious. He says there is a strange sense of confusion or panic that comes from his anxiety and thoughts of what's happening in life and his bills.
I asked him to please describe this confusion. He said he can't. He said a lot more angry things about my questions.
I tried to be positive about a few things and he told me I was insane to not realize how bad things are.
he said my life is over. My career is over. There's nothing left. I'd rather just travel the world and spend whatever I have left and die.
I said look you really hurt me when you say things like that. he said "oh poor baby. it's all about you. Do you realize when you tell me how horrible I am I think I just need to be alone and leave you - - because i'm no good."
He said he's just not right. He doesn't think it will ever turn around. And he doesn't like watching me act so cold and unhappy and I don't make him feel any better.
I said I love you and want to see things turn around and you be ok. He said "that's great, but that doesn't solve my problems."
He's telling you to go. YOU know you should go. Pack it up and leave. Wait...What IS the living situation? Does he live with you in YOUR house, or are both of your names on a lease...or what?
At any rate, you all are miserable together. Break it off.
Where is the father of these children? He needs to seek custody asap and get these kids away from their sick, selfish mom and her sociopathic, borderline personality "partner."
I think I am oblivious to it, myself. Thank you for helping me see what I'm ignoring and what others find offensive and abusive.
Now the question is how do I get myself back to reality...and see things the way I should. I certainly worry about him.
But my son asked me in the hospital if he could possibly stay there for a long time -- he said he knew that wasn't nice, but it's what he was hoping for.
I guess that's a big sign.
WTF lady, your children are suffering, don't you see that? GTF away from this man.
This heart attack in the car situation was horrible even for an adult to read, do you have any idea how much this scared your children?
Be a good mom and kick this guy to the curb. Seriously.
Wow I had a hard time making it through this thread.
OP how many more excuses can you make for this man? A jokester is not someone who intentionally makes their partner feel hurt, confused or afraid. He's not a jokester, he's an abuser. I don't think you should need anymore people on here telling you to get out now. But since you don't seem to have gotten it yet... Pack your bags and your kids' bags and leave. If not for you, do it for your children. They didn't choose this situation, nor should they have to suffer because of it. A mother should never put a relationship above her children.
I can't fathom how someone could be so afraid of living on their own, without a significant other, that they'd put up with a guy like this. What you are subjecting yourself and your kids to by living with this man, should scare you more than taking the kids and living on your own. Do what's best for all of you and get out now. The longer you stay, the harder the situation will be to escape. Good luck.
Thank you for saying this. It helps me understand the magnitude of things and how I'm underplaying them.
I think what scares me most about leaving is the idea that I can't handle life on my own. I have clients and can support myself, but of course I have no savings. I've given as much as I can to him.
But yes I can get away. I'm self sufficient.
Maybe I'm mentally ill? I'm scared because I keep excusing this behavior that appears to be so awful (from what i'm reading here). He is not good...that's true. But it goes up and down and yes, I discount it to joking. But clearly I'm insane to do this...
I just hope i'm okay. How do I start over? 2 kids and a lot of bills and the stress of leaving him? I feel like I will break down....
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
WTF lady, your children are suffering, don't you see that? GTF away from this man.
This heart attack in the car situation was horrible even for an adult to read, do you have any idea how much this scared your children?
Be a good mom and kick this guy to the curb. Seriously.
I just hope i'm okay. How do I start over? 2 kids and a lot of bills and the stress of leaving him? I feel like I will break down....
The same way you managed before you let this loser into your life. I'm willing to bet you saw the signs way back then too.
Better hurry before the kids' dad gets wind of any of this nonsense.
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